To think DH likes his sister in law

[dotgis]

I've lost sleep over this. But I think my husband likes his brothers wife. We have get togethers with the four of us and it has recently hit me that this might be true. I confronted him when we're drunk and he didn't deny it but just said she has been in his family a long time and he just respects her. But my gut is telling me something else.....

What makes you think that DH likes her?

Like is a fairly benign word anyway. Isn’t he allowed to like her? If it was something more you would have noticed before now, wouldn’t you?

Is there a problem with him liking her?

How long have you been together and how long have you thought about this ?

I mean he listens to her. She convinced him to try something (I spent many years trying to convince him but he wouldn't). If he finds out that I'm going somewhere with her, he would go (but I'm going alone he wouldn't come with me). He once asked me very late at night to fetch him drinks (we were all a bit drunk) but when she volunteered to go with me, he said no she can stay as it's late and not safe. It's ok for me to go but not her ????? The fact that I confronted him and he didn't deny

Is it at all possible that she might be the sister he never had ?

I don't mean like as getting on etc but more. We've been together 5 ish years. She was married to his brother around 9 years ago or something. I've been feeling like this for the past month

He has 4 sisters and is close to them

So what has tipped the scale ? There must be a reason for your doubts

That's very flimsy evidence of - what exactly? So what if he likes her? Are you always this paranoid?

I'm not so sure. He will only do fun things with the 4 of us and never just us as husband and wife. And not with any of our other friends either.

Does she like him back.
She may be creeped out if she thinks he fancies her.

He once asked me very late at night to fetch him drinks (we were all a bit drunk) but when she volunteered to go with me, he said no she can stay as it's late and not safe. It's ok for me to go but not her ?????

That one would make me sad and a bit angry. Two women together are safer than one so it sounds like either he doesn't care about your safety or he wanted her to hang out with him. Neither is great.

Have you said anything to him about it ?

I really don't think she does at all and I have no doubts about this.

Sorry you did.

He once asked me very late at night to fetch him drinks (we were all a bit drunk) but when she volunteered to go with me, he said no she can stay as it's late and not safe

That's ... extraordinary. I hope you didn't go on your own?

You've definitely got some sort of problem if he's pulling stunts like that.

Yes I did. He took it lightly and said she is like his sister, I said to him that my gut feeling tells me something is wrong, then he was quiet. He hugged me and said he was sorry.

Maybe he just really likes her as a friend and maybe you are feeling insecure because your relationship with him is different

Does he talk about her, or look for excuses to see her?

@JamieLeesCurtains

He once asked me very late at night to fetch him drinks (we were all a bit drunk) but when she volunteered to go with me, he said no she can stay as it's late and not safe

That's ... extraordinary. I hope you didn't go on your own?

You've definitely got some sort of problem if he's pulling stunts like that.

No I didn't. He denies that he said he wanted me to go alone and in his heart he wouldn't have

What is her relationship with her husband like

@Anordinarymum

Maybe he just really likes her as a friend and maybe you are feeling insecure because your relationship with him is different

Maybe.

@Anordinarymum

What is her relationship with her husband like

They seem okay. She seems happy

Well his db isn't going to be happy if he thinks your dh is lusting over his dw.
Perhaps you should point out to him that his teenage behaviour towards dsil could cause not only problems in your relationship but also within the family.