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Original poster

To think DH likes his sister in law

158 replies

dotgis · 06/01/2021 02:41

I've lost sleep over this. But I think my husband likes his brothers wife. We have get togethers with the four of us and it has recently hit me that this might be true. I confronted him when we're drunk and he didn't deny it but just said she has been in his family a long time and he just respects her. But my gut is telling me something else.....

OP posts:
Lsquiggles · 06/01/2021 10:30

@RoganJosh

I’m afraid it sounds like he doesn’t like you very much and is just relying on you for financial support. I don’t think you’re getting much out of this relationship.
This ^
bloodyhairy · 06/01/2021 10:35

Your gut instinct is telling you something isn't right, OP.
It's seldom wrong.

Blondiney · 06/01/2021 10:39

@bloodyhairy

Your gut instinct is telling you something isn't right, OP. It's seldom wrong.
Wise words indeed.
Wearywithteens · 06/01/2021 10:55

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

BuntysTwinkle · 06/01/2021 10:57

Some of you on this thread are gaslighting champs...

He clearly has at least a crush on his sister in law. The drinks incident is an obvious indicator; he wanted to protect her from the very thing he'd just asked you to do for him.

What you have to consider is how serious it is, and whether you can live with it, and whether you want to. Whether she would reciprocate or not is almost irrelevant really. Also separate out the SIL issue and ask yourself whether he treats you the way he should.

SummerWhisper · 06/01/2021 10:58

Is drink an issue for either of you? He doesn't appear to care for you, in that he isn't concerned about you, but he is concerned about SIL. He ignores you but he doesn't ignore her. It may or may not be romantic, but he doesn't have your back, so that's not good. Also, he has apologised when confronted, so that's your answer. Don't ignore it.

I'd lay off the drink - also presumably it's you paying for it, so don't buy him any either. He's freeloading, whilst putting another woman ahead of you. His silence when he's out with you demonstrates a complete lack of investment in your relationship. You are in a good position to separate and find somebody who puts you on a pedestal.

Emeraldshamrock · 06/01/2021 11:00

I always tell DD to listen to her gut/feelings if something feels off investigate it don't ignore it, those senses kept humans alive in cave times.
If it is a crush and you want to stay with him he'll have to work hard to get over his crush, tell his Dbro I'm sure that'll help him stop his immaturity.

CakeRequired · 06/01/2021 11:02

Yes I did. He took it lightly and said she is like his sister, I said to him that my gut feeling tells me something is wrong, then he was quiet. He hugged me and said he was sorry.

That's fishy as hell. Plus the fact he's happy to put you at risk, but not her.

Sounds like he does have a crush on her. Pretty disgusting that he's being that obvious about it too when it's his brothers wife.

FortunesFave · 06/01/2021 11:02

@YoniAndGuy

How old are you? Reading between the lines - it sounds like he's the runt of a fairly big litter who just doesn't have much going for him. Four sisters he's 'close' to - do they respect him, listen to him? His brother and sil seem to have a happy relationship and you like them a lot - sounds like they're normal and decent and probably just kind of put up with him and let him hang around - oh cringe. You married the crap one!

The money thing is just the icing on the cake. Get out. Your BIL and SIL are probably wondering what's taking you so long to leave the twat. They have to put up with him, you don't!

This is..disgusting. Who actually talks like this? "Runt of the litter" when you're talking about people!

And "Oh cringe. You married the crap one"

It's embarrassing!

BloggersBlog · 06/01/2021 11:05

So, why are you with him? Doesnt work, doesnt want to go out with you, tries to you off to get drinks alone so doesnt value your safety, fancies his SiL??

Why are you with this prince amongst men?

CakeRequired · 06/01/2021 11:06

Oh jesus just seen that he hasn't worked in 3 years too. So not only is he lusting after his sister in law in front of you, he also has you pay for everything.

Dump him, divorce, move on and find someone better. He is useless.

Lookslikerainted · 06/01/2021 11:07

Sorry to be really blunt here: is she really good looking?

Utilityroomenvy · 06/01/2021 11:53

Did he date his SIL before she married his brother? Or have a fling with her, and they have agreed to not discuss it? It does sound strange I agree. More importantly he sounds disrespectful to you with his reluctance to socialise with your family and friends, not pulling his weight financially. You don’t sound happy with the situation as a whole and I would personally have to consider whether I wanted to continue to be married to someone like that.

BertramLacey · 06/01/2021 12:08

Doesn't help when I'm also the main breadwinner and he just sits on his butt the whole day thinking some miracle will happen or his business will bloom one day. There are also other underlying issues as I've told him many times to get a job even if part time to earn something but he would rather listen to his friends or cousins than do what I suggest. It's been nearly 3 years where he has not had a job. But I am still supporting him and giving him time to do what he wants. To do all that and get nothing back and on top feel like he fancies someone e else really hurts.

The SIL isn't really the problem - sorry OP but he's just using you. You pay all the bills and he does bugger all. Since there are no children involved, honestly, just leave. I know it's easier said than done but he's not going to change and you would be better off on your own, or with someone who cherishes and respects you.

Hanab · 06/01/2021 12:10

When you confronted him and he said sorry then hugged you .. that is what I would take as a confession..

He is not denying it 🤷🏻‍♀️

Ask your self if he is really worth all this you are going through. It’s not easy ending a relationship but is it easier to stay and always have this doubt?

You have little ties to him.

If you are not happy leave ..

I am all for gut instincts being correct even in a small way..

jessstan1 · 06/01/2021 13:38

The op's update certainly changes how I feel about this. I was prepared to believe or at least consider that husband didn't have a thing about his sister in law, just liked her a lot and maybe expressed it tactlessly.

However, reading that he doesn't even work and his general attitude makes me think the man is a waste of space and, yes, maybe he does hanker after sister in law - though of course that may not be reciprocated.

Definitely consider putting an end to this relationship, op. He is demoralising you. You sound like a decent person who is worth a lot more.

Joinedjustforthispost · 06/01/2021 13:56

Op please consider listening to people on this thread, he just sounds like he isn’t in to you anymore and is sitting enjoying his cock lodging. You deserve to be in an equal relationship where you are loved and cared for Flowers

FedUpAtHomeTroels · 06/01/2021 14:17

So he's a cocklodger who doesn't really respect you, but doesn't want to have to actually work a job and earn money if you left? He needs to keep you sweet, but the mask is slipping

Original poster
dotgis · 06/01/2021 14:30

I mean she is pretty but I would t say she's extremely good looking. They didn't date before. She has been with his brother since school

OP posts:
LaceyBetty · 06/01/2021 14:37

He sounds useless. I wouldn't put up with any of this and him sending you off for drinks on your own when he deems it unsafe is horrible. I hope you move on.

MrsTerryPratchett · 06/01/2021 14:48

@FedUpAtHomeTroels

So he's a cocklodger who doesn't really respect you, but doesn't want to have to actually work a job and earn money if you left? He needs to keep you sweet, but the mask is slipping
I think it's this.

Sorry OP.

Havlerr · 06/01/2021 14:48

I’ve just RTFT and each update is worse. There’s a much bigger problem here than a crush on SIL. So in summary this asshole is:

  • freeloading of you for three YEARS without making even the effort to supplement the family income
  • doesn’t want to go anywhere with you or spend anytime with you
  • doesn’t seem to want to discuss issues you have raised with him
  • enjoys the company of DB and SIL more than you
  • is not bothered if anything happens to you but is worried about SILs safety
  • has the audacity to check out another woman (SIL) in front of you
  • and worst of all, when you confronted him he didn’t appear shocked or bewildered at your accusation. He just went quiet and apologised ??! Surely this is an admission.

I couldn’t live with this much disrespect towards me, the crush on SIL is irrelevant really. What on earth is he actually contributing to your life if not finances, support, respect or spending time with you?? You deserve someone who wants to be with you Sad

1FootInTheRave · 06/01/2021 15:08

I think it's hard to judge without seeing it in rl. I do think trust your gut though.

My bil adores me, and I him. We get on brilliantly, have known each other years and have a hell of a lot of fun on nights out etc. We are like brother and sister. That is all. No romantic tendencies whatsoever.

FedUpAtHomeTroels · 06/01/2021 15:13

@1FootInTheRave

I think it's hard to judge without seeing it in rl. I do think trust your gut though.

My bil adores me, and I him. We get on brilliantly, have known each other years and have a hell of a lot of fun on nights out etc. We are like brother and sister. That is all. No romantic tendencies whatsoever.

Yeah but do you refuse to go out with your Dh anywhere unless you BIL is coming?
OhCaptain · 06/01/2021 15:23

Even if he hasn’t been secretly pining after his sister-in-law, which actually sounds plausible, he’s a complete waste of space and a dickhead.

Why are you with him???

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