To think DH likes his sister in law

[dotgis]

I've lost sleep over this. But I think my husband likes his brothers wife. We have get togethers with the four of us and it has recently hit me that this might be true. I confronted him when we're drunk and he didn't deny it but just said she has been in his family a long time and he just respects her. But my gut is telling me something else.....

Oh OP maybe it's time to get some therapy for yourself and start to focus on what he brings you as a partner. Not wanting to spend time with you seems really rather awful. Perhaps he's fallen out of love and is staying for the kids? Comfy life? Whatever it is, it's not you. Sorry OP what a tough situation.

I think you’re right, but I think that’s the least of your issues. He sounds like a massive waste of space

Why are posters assuming the OP is wrong? Imagine if it was happening to you?
Gut feelings are almost always right

SIL is probably aware now he is quieter and you are keeping a watchful eye I'm sure the tension is heavy and uncomfortable between you two.
Stop supporting him if he business is not making any money he needs to find another job, no bloody wonder he has time to develop a crush as he sits on his arse.

Nah I wouldn't like that

Read the first two pages and if I were you I would be feeling uneasy too OP.

Have you suggested counselling to sort out all the issues ? Why does he choose to let you support him when you've no children ? Presume there's nothing stopping him getting a 2nd job ?

My ex OH was having an affair whilst I was at work.

This would bother me too. Taking advice from her, not you. Wanting to go places, do things when she is going, not with just you two. The drinks thing would have really hurt me a lot, that he’s concerned about her safety but not your safety.

It’s really good that you spoke to him about this.

Have you addressed the going places/doing things just you two? Not sure where you live (UK is ok lock down so this is mute point right now) but you could address thus with him and ask to make plans just you two of an agreed frequency of at least once a month with one month you plan something to find d the next it’s his turn. Try to build that spark again.

Tell him you don’t want to come across as a nag but you will illustrate to him the behaviour of it happens again so he is aware as it’s important to you and your relationship together that it changes.

Best of luck.

Ugh, from reading your latest updates, I would really say think about what he is actually bringing to your life and your relationship. If you don't have kids yet, and he doesn't actually want to go places with you, doesn't contribute to the household etc, I would seriously consider leaving. You deserve to be with someone who makes you feel happy, who you enjoy spending time with and vice Versa.

Eww he sounds totally useless! Not only does he not help towards your life, he doesn’t even want to spend time with you ! This will not get any better, it sounds like he’s using you. Get rid !

A cocklodger of the highest order.
Think how much better off you’d be without the waste of space.

He's a jobless waste of space who letches on his sister in law.

You've seen him checking her out. So she will have noticed too
He told you to go and get drinks late at night and told her not to go as it wouldn't be safe. When you lightly joked about it they were all embarrassed because they knew you were right.
He only wants to go out when SIL is going with you.
You've not been out alone together anywhere? That's insane
And he has no job and you're supporting him.

I know I will have the 'think of your wedding vows' getting cross about this, but ffs LTB.

What do you get out of this relationship? Apart from watching your H letch over his brothers wife and try and send you off fetch drinks for him alone in the night when it is very unsafe whilst you pay for everything. Sod that.

I think whatever we say here ,your gut is telling you something is going on here .Asking you to get drinks late at night when its unsafe, but not her is really off I think.Also hugging you and saying he is sorry is odd as well .

What are you going to do OP?

@dotgis

Yes I did. He took it lightly and said she is like his sister, I said to him that my gut feeling tells me something is wrong, then he was quiet. He hugged me and said he was sorry.

He said sorry? Surely that gives you your answer? It sounds like at the very least he fancies her or potentially is having an affair with her. You need to question him more about it. He won't like it an will probably get defensive but you have a right to know what is actually going on, if anything.

I think it is time to rethink this whole RL TBH! He seems disinterested in you and wants to stay at home while you are keeping him! WTF .You are worth more than this !

Mine is obsessed with his sister in law. I searched for threads on this before. Like he would tell her she looks great instead of me, in front of me. Listens to her, doesn’t interrupt or put down. It’s disturbing because she’s 21 years older.

He's just not that in to you I think you are his meal ticket...why do you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you? Do stuff with you?
Have higher standards for yourself.... think about how much more fun your life would be with someone who actually was a partner..

The sil may/maynot be an issue but is getting your instincts to show there is a big issue in your relationship.....

He sounds like a user and whats he sorry for if he hasnt done anything wrong according to him

I've only read the first page but it sounds less like he likes her and just doesn't respect you? My dad is exactly like this; my mum might as well have spent 20 years banging her head against the wall, for all that he listened to her. My aunt however, he FAWNED over.

I've read your update and you have a far bigger issue than his preference for your SIL.

He doesn't want to spend anytime with you, you pay for everything while he sits on his arse doing very little however he'll go out and about and spend time with your SIL. Does he even like you?

I was originally about to write that it sounds like your husband has a crush. The question is that if it is an innocent crush or something he might pursuit. An innocent crush can be solved with a talk and time. The other crush will take a lot more from your husband.

However, the crush is not a problem. It's a symptom. Your husband does not respect you and sounds like he is not that into being with you anymore. This is the problem that needs addressing. Talk to him about the state of your marriage (leave the crush out) and see if he agrees or disagrees. The work from there.

Doesn't help when I'm also the main breadwinner and he just sits on his butt the whole day thinking some miracle will happen or his business will bloom one day. There are also other underlying issues as I've told him many times to get a job even if part time to earn something but he would rather listen to his friends or cousins than do what I suggest. It's been nearly 3 years where he has not had a job. But I am still supporting him and giving him time to do what he wants. To do all that and get nothing back and on top feel like he fancies someone e else really hurts.

Woah woah woah!!!!

Seriously? He literally treats you like you're invisible, he fawns over his sister-in-law (uuuurgh!!!), gives you NOTHING in the way of love, support, or is even vaguely interesting or pleasant to be in a relationship with... and to top it all off he doesn't even pay his way in the relationship?

HE IS USING YOU. He doesn't value you or love you, but you're useful as a dishwasher, cock-dipper and bill payer while he carries on as he presumably always has - hanging round his family like a slightly useless fawning bad smell.

Fuck that!

You have no children. You're solvent. WHY would you stick around for this worthless twonk to embarrass you by being the husband you chose? Omg leave him! You will look back - when you're in a PROPER relationship with a man who values you and is a team, maybe have a family - and be astonished that you let this idiot parasite within 100 yards of you.

It would make my skin crawl to bankroll this fucker any longer. He sees you as a cash cow.

How old are you? Reading between the lines - it sounds like he's the runt of a fairly big litter who just doesn't have much going for him. Four sisters he's 'close' to - do they respect him, listen to him? His brother and sil seem to have a happy relationship and you like them a lot - sounds like they're normal and decent and probably just kind of put up with him and let him hang around - oh cringe. You married the crap one!

The money thing is just the icing on the cake. Get out. Your BIL and SIL are probably wondering what's taking you so long to leave the twat. They have to put up with him, you don't!