Page 2 | To think DH likes his sister in law

dotgis · 2021-01-06T02:41:12+00:00

I've lost sleep over this. But I think my husband likes his brothers wife. We have get togethers with the four of us and it has recently hit me that this might be true. I confronted him when we're drunk and he didn't deny it but just said she has been in his family a long time and he just respects her. But my gut is telling me something else.....

Anordinarymum · 06/01/2021 03:02

Do you think she is aware that our husband likes her ?

JamieLeesCurtains · 06/01/2021 03:03

Well I'm not surprised you're confused if he's denying things he's said and done because you've challenged his behaviour.

Do you think he'll be more considerate of you now?

SkinnyMinnieee · 06/01/2021 03:03

It's hard to know only hearing one side of the story. I mean, you could be a bit of a whinger for all we know (IME many women who moan on about their husbands are habitual moaners).

But I could of course be wrong.

Original poster

dotgis · 06/01/2021 03:05

I don't think so but maybe. She is a nice girl and we get on. When she's there, he just seems a lot happier...cracking jokes and I've seen him check her out a couple of times.

My gut feelings are hardly ever wrong. I've been trying to ignore it but here I am again. Wide awake at 3!

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Original poster

dotgis · 06/01/2021 03:06

@JamieLeesCurtains

Well I'm not surprised you're confused if he's denying things he's said and done because you've challenged his behaviour.

Do you think he'll be more considerate of you now?

He has been. If I talk about her, he is quiet

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Original poster

dotgis · 06/01/2021 03:07

@SkinnyMinnieee

It's hard to know only hearing one side of the story. I mean, you could be a bit of a whinger for all we know (IME many women who moan on about their husbands are habitual moaners).

But I could of course be wrong.

LOL

I don't get jealous easily and I've had full faith in him until now.

But you're also right. There's always two sides

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DeeCeeCherry · 06/01/2021 03:15

If he finds out that I'm going somewhere with her, he would go (but I'm going alone he wouldn't come with me). He once asked me very late at night to fetch him drinks (we were all a bit drunk) but when she volunteered to go with me, he said no she can stay as it's late and not safe. It's ok for me to go but not her ?????

This absolutely is an issue and it's sad.

You need to talk to him about this, and not when either you or he are drunk.

Anordinarymum · 06/01/2021 03:17

Maybe because you have fun with them he enjoys her company as a fun friend. Perhaps you are looking into this too much; could it be that you and he are not getting on just lately and you are feeling left out ?

SkinnyMinnieee · 06/01/2021 03:22

Sorry, I don't think the humour in my post came across so well...

Original poster

dotgis · 06/01/2021 03:23

@DeeCeeCherry

If he finds out that I'm going somewhere with her, he would go (but I'm going alone he wouldn't come with me). He once asked me very late at night to fetch him drinks (we were all a bit drunk) but when she volunteered to go with me, he said no she can stay as it's late and not safe. It's ok for me to go but not her ?????

This absolutely is an issue and it's sad.

You need to talk to him about this, and not when either you or he are drunk.

I have but he gets defensive. He says that he would have never let me go alone and that he would have come with me to get the drinks. It doesn't make sense. He specifically asked me to get the drinks and told her it was not safe. I even joked about it that minute to the 3 of them and even asked his brother how was it fair that he thinks it's ok for me to go alone but not with her as company. They were all quiet (in hindsight it was awkward for them). At that point he didn't say he wouldn't have let me go alone

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Anordinarymum · 06/01/2021 03:24

Many years ago I had a boyfriend who had an older sister who was married with children.
Sometimes we would go out with them and stay over and he would change towards me so much, I thought there was something going on.

I think he just got on with her in a different way to me, and it made me feel jealous. She encouraged it though, knowing I felt uncomfortable. Eventually I got over it but I still felt left out of their relationship because they had things in common that precluded me from joining in with conversations and some of it i knew was deliberate.

Original poster

dotgis · 06/01/2021 03:28

I get what you are saying. I know they are quiet similar and I know I'm more like his brother (and we get on really well).

I have a wonderful relationship with his brother and sister in law so I don't want to ruin that. But at the same time, there is something and I can't quite put my finger on it

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SkinnyMinnieee · 06/01/2021 03:32

Many years ago I had a boyfriend who had an older sister who was married with children. Sometimes we would go out with them and stay over and he would change towards me so much, I thought there was something going on.

You suspected he was shagging his sister? Surely not!

Anordinarymum · 06/01/2021 03:33

I get the feeling he respects her and perhaps you feel he places her above you, but it's my guess that you also place her above you too and maybe you have to work this out for yourself.

Anordinarymum · 06/01/2021 03:35

@SkinnyMinnieee

Many years ago I had a boyfriend who had an older sister who was married with children. Sometimes we would go out with them and stay over and he would change towards me so much, I thought there was something going on.

You suspected he was shagging his sister? Surely not!

No. I thought they were too close and pushed me out. Later I felt she caused a lot of it on purpose, but did not know why. She was a bit unhinged

VirtualLearning · 06/01/2021 03:37

OP I hear you and don’t think this sounds ok. His reaction seems to confirm it, too. I’m sure it wouldn’t go anywhere but it is not an appropriate way to feel and I don’t know what to suggest .
I’ve seen a similar thing but it’s seemed v non threatening as i put it down to alcohol and just laugh it off with DH, and very rarely see BIL due to where we live.

I think you need DH to realise it’s really not ok and also very obvious. I’d be very bothered too and even want to discuss it with them and its inappropriateness if he didn’t get it properly or regret how he’s acting

Sinful8 · 06/01/2021 03:39

@RickiTarr

Like is a fairly benign word anyway. Isn’t he allowed to like her? If it was something more you would have noticed before now, wouldn’t you?

I think on MN all men are required to hate all women in the extended family

Anordinarymum · 06/01/2021 03:40

@VirtualLearning

OP I hear you and don’t think this sounds ok. His reaction seems to confirm it, too. I’m sure it wouldn’t go anywhere but it is not an appropriate way to feel and I don’t know what to suggest . I’ve seen a similar thing but it’s seemed v non threatening as i put it down to alcohol and just laugh it off with DH, and very rarely see BIL due to where we live.

I think you need DH to realise it’s really not ok and also very obvious. I’d be very bothered too and even want to discuss it with them and its inappropriateness if he didn’t get it properly or regret how he’s acting

Agree with this. You don't gut feelings for no reason

SkinnyMinnieee · 06/01/2021 03:41

I think on MN all men are required to hate all women in the extended family

It's usually women moaning about the MIL on here!

BlueThistles · 06/01/2021 03:42

Always trust your instincts... not random strangers on the internet... if something is making you uneasy then trust it... 🌺

Sinful8 · 06/01/2021 03:44

@SkinnyMinnieee

I think on MN all men are required to hate all women in the extended family

It's usually women moaning about the MIL on here!

EVERYONE is required to hate MILs on here

Sinful8 · 06/01/2021 03:46

@BlueThistles

Always trust your instincts... not random strangers on the internet... if something is making you uneasy then trust it... 🌺

But the thing that's making her uneasy is her dp gets on well with his sister in law who hes known for nearly a decade and twice as long as the op.

And some slurred drunken mess about who does the shopping, but that seems awfully confused at best with one party being so plastered they don't remember it.

MyNameIsAlexDrake · 06/01/2021 03:49

It sounds to me a bit like that that situation in Love Actually with Keira Knightly and the guy who turned up with the big notes of love. I.e infatuated.

If you are going to get over his crush then he needs to deal with it. Get it out in the open. You need to push him on this, otherwise it will never get better. If he admits it, then perhaps you can all move on from it.

Galena92 · 06/01/2021 04:45

I think it sounds very hurtful, especially the part about not wanting HER to go for drinks but being fine with sending you...so SIL is too much of a precious, delicate flower to venture out for drinks but you are not? I hate it when men act horrible like this and then pretend like they don't know why you would be upset. They either damn well know, or they are too oblivious to even consider your feelings. Either way it's a really shitty way to treat you.

Galena92 · 06/01/2021 04:49

And BTW OP please do not listen to ppl to tell you that it is ok for him to treat you like this "because he's known her longer". You are his WIFE! And do not deserve to be treated disrespectfully because he's an inconsiderate twat.