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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my my MIL get a taxi to her hospital appointments this week?

272 replies

Dinnerisburnt · 05/01/2021 18:59

So, my MIL is 92 and has a hospital appointment on Friday about her eye sight. She doesn’t drive any longer and is reliant on myself and my husband for lifts. She also has a COVID vaccine booked for Saturday. My husband broke his arm just after Xmas so I am doing all the driving for the next 5/6 weeks. Yesterday my MIL got a taxi to a chiropodist appointment as she didn’t want to ask me for a lift. I don’t want to take her to the hospital now as she got in a taxi yesterday and am also reluctant to taker her for her COVID jab. Am I being really unreasonable? I haven’t seen my family since July or had my haircut since then, all I do is walk the dog and look after the kids and drop off MIL’s shopping as she won’t go to the supermarket. It just doesn’t seem fair that I am now expected to drive her to her appointments later this week when she was able to get a taxi yesterday.

OP posts:
imalmosthere · 05/01/2021 22:22

So -
Your husband broke his arm - I assume was treated at a hospital. One which has probably seen a tonne of covid patients.

Your children were presumably at school before Christmas?

When you do the shopping, you go to a supermarket do you not??

Yet your MIL who is 92, takes ONE taxi ride, where she would be in the back, with a mask and a screen - because she didn't want to burden you, and you're throwing a hissy fit??

Out of all the above - she's the least likely to have caught it. You're so far past unreasonable,
It's shocking. You for some reason have your arse in your hand over it, but your reasoning is bloody bizzare. If your DH agrees he's just as bad and you're both being ridiculous

notyetamumbuttrying · 05/01/2021 22:29

@Uhhuhoyaye

She went to the chiropodist this week. Her feet must be in tip-top shape. Why doesn't she walk to the hospital?
Grin
hulahooper2 · 05/01/2021 22:45

I can’t believe you would even consider not giving her a lift , she only took a taxi to save you the trouble , I believe all taxis are cleaned between passengers . I’m glad I don’t need any help from you.

SpiritLevel · 05/01/2021 22:47

Well, this hits a nerve with me. I can well imagine my SIL huffing and puffing about driving my DM to a hospital appointment, or indeed doing anything much to help her out in any small or thoughtful way. But hey, she doesn't need to now because DM died recently after a sudden (non-Covid) illness. She was in her 90s too and was so anxious never to trouble anyone, it was heartbreaking.

Just listen to yourself, OP . For crying out loud. This has really upset me.

Juno231 · 05/01/2021 22:58

@MoreMorelos good for you, doesn't mean that's the norm though.

MoreMorelos · 05/01/2021 23:02

[quote Juno231]@MoreMorelos good for you, doesn't mean that's the norm though.[/quote]
Well several other posters have said the same as me. Once again MN posters generalising that men are useless when in fact it's just theirs that is

saraclara · 05/01/2021 23:07

[quote Juno231]@MoreMorelos good for you, doesn't mean that's the norm though.[/quote]
Well the OP's DH usually does the transport for his mum, and this is what this thread is about.
And for the record (I almost feel this needs another poll) my late husband did everything for his DM too (though I adored her and happily would have too). He also did the same for his Aunt who lived alone (and DMIL lived 150 miles away and DA lived 100 miles away.

In fact, thinking about it (and I'm in my 60s so this is a common subject of conversation with my peers) I don't know any woman who does all the running around for their elderly MIL. Generally the men do it, or they go as a couple.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 05/01/2021 23:31

SpiritLevel
FlowersFlowersFlowers
I can feel your pain

hawleybits · 05/01/2021 23:38

SpiritLevel Daffodil
I'm so sad to read this. Bless your mum.
The very fact that the op has only popped back briefly on her thread to defend her position, tells me everything I need to know.
It's heartbreaking for me too but fortunately my mum had two loving daughters and BiL with the utmost love and respect for her.

SleepingStandingUp · 05/01/2021 23:42

So you're nearly she got in a taxi and now might have covid and give it you?? But you're narky she doesn't go to the supermarket....

SleepingStandingUp · 05/01/2021 23:42

Narky

melj1213 · 05/01/2021 23:48

Just spoke to my DH about it. He told her yesterday morning to reschedule the chiropodist appointment until next week and not to take a taxi. He is more annoyed with her than I am and actually agrees with me.

Why does your DH get to dictate when his mother makes medical appointments?

For all he knows she was in pain from an ingrown nail or corn etc and and didnt want to have to wait an extra week for the sake of a 2mile taxi ride or was too embarrassed/proud to admit she was in pain and couldn't wait.

Equally, she may have tried to reschedule and the chiropodist didnt have any appointments next week so she decided to keep her original appointment, but didnt want to have to ask for a lift since she knew she'd have to explain/justify her need to go this week and so decided to take a taxi instead as it was easier and less stressful.

I feel quite sad thinking about this poor 92 year old lady just wanting to go to her medical appointments and have her independence in choosing her own appointment times and having to rely on resentful family who think it is there place to tell her when she can and can't attend an appointment.

nanamelon · 05/01/2021 23:54

Your husband is so unkind to his 92 yo mom! The pain she endured to be needed chiropodist three times a week and he told her to reschedule??!!- Because now his wife is annoyed! Rescheduling to next week for what? It won’t stop you from catching COVID IF (big if) she gets it from the taxi.

Tinkerbell456 · 06/01/2021 00:02

Maybe you just gave off the vibe that you didn’t want to drive her op. Very possibly not deliberately. A bit of a nuisance for sure but she is 92. A supermarket when it seems that she doesn’t see well and is no doubt pretty frail at that age- fairly dodgy. Also getting in and out of a taxi. I would think she’d feel a lot more secure with you.

MissyBB · 06/01/2021 00:06

How old are you and you children op?

Rachel93x · 06/01/2021 00:08

My 95yo grandad recently died on Christmas Eve (due to old age & thankfully not covid related) and the thought of him getting a taxi to multiple hospital appointments to 'protect' me, absolutely, breaks my heart. He was an complete trooper and was protected at all cost during his time alive in the pandemic. He could of had the damn virus and I'd of still been there for end of life care and I'd of just spent my time self isolating & being tested.

So what if she got one taxi, you go to a supermarket I'm guessing weekly? No wonder she didn't want to bother you if this is how you act about an elderly lady - and then for your DH to then agree with you?! Such a sad thread to read. I really hope your future children in law don't hang you out to dry like you're thinking of doing. For her sake, I hope you appreciate how this can make people upset & do the right thing in helping her out.

spidermomma · 06/01/2021 00:16

She's 92!! Help her out it's your mil, she's old and hasn't done anything wrong if you wear a mask you will be fine.
I seen a fragile old lady walk past my house the other day and she could barely walk. Covid or not i couldn't of lived with myself if I didn't go help, I made oh watch the kids why I got my gloves and mask on and I helped her to walk the shop and I helped her walk home asI don't drive. I couldn't of let her struggle alone it's just cruel.
If this was my mil I wouldn't be letting someone else take care for her (taxi driver) whilst I sat at home , your husband is at home I take it with his broken arm so pretty sure he could help out. Don't be so Unfair on her.

Onjnmoeiejducwoapy · 06/01/2021 00:16

What a horrible, horrible OP. Does anyone else get the sense she finds this funny? And the way her husband treats his own mother, telling her what to do with her health and belittling her.

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 06/01/2021 00:20

At 92 - or any age - she may be nervous about hospital visits, and appreciate your support.
Sounds like she's trying to alleviate the burden when she can, with the taxi to the chiropodists, but you've taken that as an insult rather than her trying to reduce the burden. Poor woman.

SpiritLevel · 06/01/2021 00:51

Thisisworsethananticpated and hawleybits

Thank you

saraclara · 06/01/2021 08:07

@SleepingStandingUp

So you're nearly she got in a taxi and now might have covid and give it you?? But you're narky she doesn't go to the supermarket....
Well spotted! Yes, that's insane. She's annoyed that her MIL doesn't go to the supermarket where she'll be in contact with lots of people for a lot longer than she was in that taxi. There's absolutely no logic to that.

It's nonsense. She and her DH are just looking for reasons to be annoyed with this poor woman.

Mumski45 · 06/01/2021 08:30

OP I would definitely take her for the vaccine appointment. There are lots of reports of people accompanying the elderly for appointments being offered the vaccine whilst they are there if there have been no shows to avoid the vaccine going to waste. It's a long shot but an opportunity I wouldn't miss.

lemonsquashie · 06/01/2021 12:13

Yes you are! Wear a mask if you're that worried about it.

EuroTrashed · 06/01/2021 12:26

I very much hope your MIL spends your husband's entire inheritance on taxis, tequila and hot houseboys who will help her get to appointments.

Out of interest, why is your husband "furious" with his mother for making and keeping her medical appointments?

saraclara · 06/01/2021 12:45

I very much hope your MIL spends your husband's entire inheritance on taxis, tequila and hot houseboys who will help her get to appointments.

Ha! So do I.

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