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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think my my MIL get a taxi to her hospital appointments this week?

272 replies

Dinnerisburnt · 05/01/2021 18:59

So, my MIL is 92 and has a hospital appointment on Friday about her eye sight. She doesn’t drive any longer and is reliant on myself and my husband for lifts. She also has a COVID vaccine booked for Saturday. My husband broke his arm just after Xmas so I am doing all the driving for the next 5/6 weeks. Yesterday my MIL got a taxi to a chiropodist appointment as she didn’t want to ask me for a lift. I don’t want to take her to the hospital now as she got in a taxi yesterday and am also reluctant to taker her for her COVID jab. Am I being really unreasonable? I haven’t seen my family since July or had my haircut since then, all I do is walk the dog and look after the kids and drop off MIL’s shopping as she won’t go to the supermarket. It just doesn’t seem fair that I am now expected to drive her to her appointments later this week when she was able to get a taxi yesterday.

OP posts:

Mitzimccormack · 07/01/2021 00:31

YABU. And she is probably picking up on the fact that you really don't want to do anything for her. How unkind. I hope your children marry people who will be nicer to you.

Wheresmykimchi · 07/01/2021 01:18

@Tattygran14

I agree with OP. She isn't her MILs keeper, though has been landed rather, she has been sensibly avoiding close contact with others, then her MIL unnecessarily puts herself in a possibly germy taxi, which could infect OP. MIL is daft.

MadameBlobby · 07/01/2021 01:23

@tobedtoMNandfart

She's 92! Yes you are being a bit harsh.

This!

Wear masks and put her in the back.

SmeleanorSmellstrop · 07/01/2021 02:30

I cant imagine ever considering not giving a lift to a 92 year old woman, let alone during a pandemic. Shocking.

PerveenMistry · 07/01/2021 03:04

Let her get a taxi; that's what they're for. You shouldn't have to expose yourself to save her a few minutes of discomfort.

Bookworming · 07/01/2021 06:05

OP has declined to say if she shopping in a supermarket for her and MIL food, that's a risk.

She's dropping food at MIL, presumably she's filling the car with petrol, that's a risk.

But of course when it comes to MIL is a risk, but that's not worth taking?

Bookworming · 07/01/2021 06:07

Let her get a taxi; that's what they're for. You shouldn't have to expose yourself to save her a few minutes of discomfort.

Where is the few minuets of discomfort coming from? It's not about that!

It's about the risk of getting Covid which for a 92 year old is likely to be a lot more that a few minuets of discomfort!

lunalulu · 07/01/2021 07:02

She can sit in the back with a mask on, a blanket over her so she doesn’t freeze, I may even turn the heating up for her. 😂

I know it's a joke but it doesn't feel good.

She is 92.

You've kept yourself safe. She's been a bit independent and is possibly keeping her spirits up and keeping herself going by doing something herself. So she took the taxi to the chiropodist. Yes an unnecessary risk. Especially when she could have waited until after the vaccination. But she's 92.

You have nothing to lose in being super kind and generous with her. And understanding. Your risk taking her is presumably at lot less than the risk to her taking a taxi.

I know you've said you're taking her. I think what's maybe taken some of us aback is that you had to ask on here if we thought she was being unreasonable.

Consider this (since you asked for our thoughts): it's kind of a privilege to have her around at 92, and be involved in her life, learn from her, cherish her.

Barney60 · 07/01/2021 11:15

Hope my daughter never thinks this way about me if i live to 92!

Mittens030869 · 07/01/2021 12:26

YABU from me as well, sorry, especially as your DH’s arm is in plaster. I’d feel differently if he was making excuses not to have to take her himself and landing you in it.

Localocal · 07/01/2021 12:38

I would say drive her. Until her vaccine kicks in she is very vulnerable and should not be in a taxi if at all possible. But wear a mask in the car since she was in a taxi recently.

PickleChipsareyummy · 07/01/2021 13:17

Hi OP.
Is there a reason you are so Covid cautious? I have existing significant health conditions which make me more vulnerable to complications so I understand it can make you afraid. I still think in the instances you mention I would drive her.
If not, and you are simply worried about being exposed, then perhaps think about the realistic risks to you and consider what would happen to her if she caught it. If I didn’t have underlying conditions I would definitely drive her. Does your DH know you feel like this?
My DH is good at helping me calculate what is a reasonable risk and yours may be too?

MintyMabel · 07/01/2021 14:03

He told her yesterday morning to reschedule the chiropodist appointment until next week and not to take a taxi.

Why does he think it is his place to decide when she goes to an appointment?

DH agrees with me

The poor woman is dependent on two selfish idiots. I’d have hoped her son was on her side.

BlueThistles · 07/01/2021 15:32

I don't think OP will return... I think she was surprised to find few if anyone agreed with her ..

Suzi888 · 07/01/2021 15:36

@BlueThistles

OMG the poor woman is 92 .. and she your family...

I feel so desperately sad for her... Yes you are being very unreasonable.

^^ agree with this. I bet she hates relying on you for help of any kind. A 92 year old in the back of your car with your windows down, in this weather. YABVU but I think you know that!

Madamum18 · 08/01/2021 13:29

Why on earth shouldn't she decide to go to her appointment if she wanted to? Why was she told to cancel it? I am struggling to understand what you are so cross about to be honest!

CherryRoulade · 08/01/2021 20:33

You’ve children young enough to require you to be with them and look after them - guessing young if they need physical care your husband can’t manage. He’s mother is 92 years old. How big a gap is there between you and your husband? Was she a very elderly mother? Not quite the point, but curious.

It’s incredibly mean.

MadameButterface · 09/01/2021 13:51

Op’s dc are teenagers. She’s been coy about it here presumably to make herself sound busier and more put upon, but search history don’t lie

Nanny0gg · 09/01/2021 13:57

@MadameButterface

Op’s dc are teenagers. She’s been coy about it here presumably to make herself sound busier and more put upon, but search history don’t lie

Well I highly doubt she's going to come back now anyway.

Uhhuhoyaye · 09/01/2021 14:02

@MintyMabel

He told her yesterday morning to reschedule the chiropodist appointment until next week and not to take a taxi.

Why does he think it is his place to decide when she goes to an appointment?

DH agrees with me

The poor woman is dependent on two selfish idiots. I’d have hoped her son was on her side.

Sadly, MN insists men support the wives not their mothers.

CreakingatTheWhinges · 09/01/2021 17:20

Jeepers horrified that 16% seem to think OP's query is reasonable!!! What is going on in the world?? :(
MIL is 85 and at times over the years has been VVVVVV annoying PITA but the thought of making her taking a taxi for hospital appointments in current times makes me feel sick.
We are shielding 1 CEV child and 2 others who are just vulnerable but I would still take MIL in a heartbeat.
We live over 2 1/2 hours away from MIL and for something like a covid jab or medical appointment, if no one in her area could take her, I would still rather drive to her and take her than make her get a taxi (& yes I know we aren't supposed to make unnecessary journeys so hopefully that will be a moot point!)
Although your MIL took a taxi once, the elderly are all living off pensions so regular taxi journeys get expensive quickly as well.

Pieinthesky11 · 15/01/2021 00:29

You sound bizarre op...poor woman

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