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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my my MIL get a taxi to her hospital appointments this week?

272 replies

Dinnerisburnt · 05/01/2021 18:59

So, my MIL is 92 and has a hospital appointment on Friday about her eye sight. She doesn’t drive any longer and is reliant on myself and my husband for lifts. She also has a COVID vaccine booked for Saturday. My husband broke his arm just after Xmas so I am doing all the driving for the next 5/6 weeks. Yesterday my MIL got a taxi to a chiropodist appointment as she didn’t want to ask me for a lift. I don’t want to take her to the hospital now as she got in a taxi yesterday and am also reluctant to taker her for her COVID jab. Am I being really unreasonable? I haven’t seen my family since July or had my haircut since then, all I do is walk the dog and look after the kids and drop off MIL’s shopping as she won’t go to the supermarket. It just doesn’t seem fair that I am now expected to drive her to her appointments later this week when she was able to get a taxi yesterday.

OP posts:
Bookworming · 05/01/2021 21:36

YABVU

And harsh!

Wife2b · 05/01/2021 21:38

She’s 92 ffs. You describe yourself as “happily” taking her for appointments but then contradict yourself by saying you’re annoyed at being expected to. You sound so resentful of the poor woman and she probably feels really vulnerable at the moment. Please give her some LOVING support, she’s probably picked up on how you really feel, likely feels like a burden and feels bad that she has two appointments in one week. She won’t be around forever and when that time comes, your DH will remember how you treated her in her time of need. It sounds like you’re doing a lot for her but please do it with a smile and it’ll go a long way to make an old woman feel like she matters.

Amira19 · 05/01/2021 21:38

all I do is walk the dog and look after the kids and drop off MIL’s shopping as she won’t go to the supermarket

You begrudge helping elderly 92 woman with her shopping during a pandemic and giving her lifts to her appointments because she went in a taxi to one because you're dh decided her appointment wasn't worth attending. Where is the respect. Utterly vile behaviour from the pair of you. This is on par with the 90 old CV mother providing childcare for her dd so she could sit upstairs and have a break from her two young children. Utterly selfish.

basilsmom · 05/01/2021 21:39

You said you'd happily drive her but in your OP you're bitching about the fact you're expected to take her. She's 92! Get a grip and take her to her appointments

Oodlesofnoodles20 · 05/01/2021 21:40

Not often you come across a really awful person. Normally I try to be impartial and see things from both points of view but I can’t. Absolutely disgusting for a 92 yo to be treated like this and by family. I’m sure you’ll both be first in line clammering for any inheritance when she passes away, weeping and wailing for Facebook pity. Just the sort of people you come across as.

Boxerdogmum · 05/01/2021 21:42

wow imagine being born in 1929 and having someone in 2021 like fuck you get a taxi lol

HedgieHog · 05/01/2021 21:43

Wow what an attitude, I hope she leaves all her money to the dogs home!
Joking aside I’m guessing she picked up on your attitude so didn’t feel comfortable asking you that day or maybe you had already made a fuss about being busy and she felt uncomfortable to ask
At 92 I’d like to think my friends and family would show me a little compassion and empathy

Bookworming · 05/01/2021 21:43

@Dinnerisburnt how do you get the shopping for your 92 year old MIL, who won't go to the supermarket herself?

Do you go to s supermarket to get it?

Who took for DH to the hospital when he broke his arm?

You do other stuff, but begrudge a 92year old who is within arms reach of safety a lift.

You don't know why she didn't ask you, I think I could hazard a guess why that is!

MoreMorelos · 05/01/2021 21:46

@ZOhZee

but it’s what you do for aged family members

It's what women do for their relatives and in-laws.

I've yet to have a male member of staff declare any sort of caring responsibility for an in-law, yet had several female staff working around family care commitments (including in-laws) over the years, where we are able to be flexible. Similar in my friend network. No male carers that I can think of.

I'm not commenting on what the op should do, but let's not pretend men have equal pressure (from others, and on themselves) to be a family carer. Willing or not. Capacity or not.

It's women's work.

Maybe in your family but not mine
PinkFondantFancy · 05/01/2021 21:47

You won't give your MIL a lift because she might have covid from taking a taxi?? The world has gone officially crazy.

Emeraldeyes20 · 05/01/2021 21:48

I can’t believe I am reading this, she’s 92 and you’re moaning about giving her a lift to a hospital appointment during a global pandemic !! Are you human or is this a sick joke?

Peppafrig · 05/01/2021 21:57

Bloody hell she is 92 have a look at yourself in the mirror OP shame on you

Fairyliz · 05/01/2021 21:58

@TheYearOfSmallThings

The woman is 92. And it's not like she's been out clubbing, licking tequila out of strangers' navels. She took a taxi to the chiropodist.

Drive her to her appointments. You will feel guilty otherwise if....well, you know.

@TheYearOfSmallThings Is it slightly worrying that I got excited about the thought of licking tequila out of strangers navels? Grin
TheYearOfSmallThings · 05/01/2021 22:03

Is it slightly worrying that I got excited about the thought of licking tequila out of strangers navels?

It is perfectly normal, Fairyliz, after the year we've had. God willing we will soon be back out there with our salt shakers and lime wedges at the ready. Hopefully including the OP's MIL.

HerMammy · 05/01/2021 22:04

If you haven’t had a haircut and only do the basics then that’s your choice, there’s been plenty opportunity to do things, unless you are shielding?
To consider leaving a 92 yr old to get herself about is shocking, have a word with yourself.

ShandlersWig · 05/01/2021 22:04

Christ alive, I've run after my 85 year old mum since March and I don't begrudge a lift, shopping trip, meal cooked or house clean.
You sound like a peach 🍑

Nicknacky · 05/01/2021 22:06

Are you or your h so vulnerable that being around your mil is an issue?

MadameButterface · 05/01/2021 22:07

Holy shit op, you sound pretty “nice” yourself.

HerMammy · 05/01/2021 22:07

Also, @ZOhZee my DP cares for his 94yr old
grampa, shopping, bathing, appointments etc alongside a very full time job.
Men DO care.

MrsClatterbuck · 05/01/2021 22:07

I am taking my elderly mother to a hospital appointment tomorrow. We have to wait in the car outside and they will ring my mobile to let me know when to bring her in through the main entrance. My DH is going to come to help with this. Not sure how this will all pan out. My DM hasn't got great mobility so does need me to accompany her. Her last eye appointment I was able to park near the door (blue badge) and take her as far as the door where a nurse took over. Wouldn't dream of her going on her own in a taxi

ekidmxcl · 05/01/2021 22:08

Depends on your age and vulnerabilities. If you are over 55 and diabetic versus if you are 35 and a picture of health.

SaltyTootsieToes · 05/01/2021 22:12

Well thank goodness you’ve seen sense and are going to drive your MIL. Poor MIL.

Uhhuhoyaye · 05/01/2021 22:14

She went to the chiropodist this week. Her feet must be in tip-top shape. Why doesn't she walk to the hospital?

throughmylens · 05/01/2021 22:14

This is the most depressing thread I've read on MN. I can't imagine treating a 92yo family member like this. I hope you'll be treated better when you are the same age, OP.

Bohemiagirl · 05/01/2021 22:21

Where does she live OP? If it's anywhere near me I'd be happy to take her.

I can't quite believe that you are even considering not doing it.