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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my my MIL get a taxi to her hospital appointments this week?

272 replies

Dinnerisburnt · 05/01/2021 18:59

So, my MIL is 92 and has a hospital appointment on Friday about her eye sight. She doesn’t drive any longer and is reliant on myself and my husband for lifts. She also has a COVID vaccine booked for Saturday. My husband broke his arm just after Xmas so I am doing all the driving for the next 5/6 weeks. Yesterday my MIL got a taxi to a chiropodist appointment as she didn’t want to ask me for a lift. I don’t want to take her to the hospital now as she got in a taxi yesterday and am also reluctant to taker her for her COVID jab. Am I being really unreasonable? I haven’t seen my family since July or had my haircut since then, all I do is walk the dog and look after the kids and drop off MIL’s shopping as she won’t go to the supermarket. It just doesn’t seem fair that I am now expected to drive her to her appointments later this week when she was able to get a taxi yesterday.

OP posts:
TheChineseChicken · 05/01/2021 19:00

Bit harsh, OP

tobedtoMNandfart · 05/01/2021 19:01

She's 92! Yes you are being a bit harsh.

Cherrysoup · 05/01/2021 19:02

Tell her to get a taxi, why can’t she when she already did? Aren’t you homeschooling the dc and supervising a zoom with their form tutor and expected to participate at those exact times?!

Hobbesmanc · 05/01/2021 19:04

Bloody hell. She maybe picked up that you resent driving her around and that's why she got a taxi. I can't imagine not wanting to help a 92 year old. Bless her. Just wear masks and sit her in the back

OverTheRainbow88 · 05/01/2021 19:04

I find the older generation hate spending money on taxis.

My mum would rather get up at 4am and drive us to the airport than us spend £30 On a taxi!

zaffa · 05/01/2021 19:05

I would drive my mother in law to all her appointments f she needed me to because she is my family, as I would drive my own mother (neither of them drive although both can) and so would DH. It's just what you do.

Cakeandcustard123 · 05/01/2021 19:06

She is 92! Bit harsh I'd say. I'm not surprised she doesn't want to go to the supermarket at 92 either. I'm guessing there is a background as to why you feel like this but on the facts you have given I'd say YABU

hammeringinmyhead · 05/01/2021 19:08

I'm confused. If she didn't want to ask you for a life yesterday why is this an issue? Has she asked? Is it a long way to the hospital vs the chiropodist?

AChickenCalledDaal · 05/01/2021 19:09

I do drive my elderly father to all his appointments. So I know that it can be very draining, particularly when there are several appointments close together and you have other things to do (e.g. kids).

I would probably do it, though, mainly because I'd feel uncomfortable about using a taxi myself at the moment.

Original poster
Dinnerisburnt · 05/01/2021 19:11

@Hobbesmanc I would have happily taken her to her chiropodist appointment if she had asked. She didn’t ask. And, yes she can sit the back of my car with a mask on and the windows wide open.

OP posts:
WhereDoMyBluebirdsFly · 05/01/2021 19:12

YABU, she's 92 years old and has a hospital appointment for Christ's sake.

If you're concerned she might have contracted covid in the taxi yesterday then ask her to sit in the back and wear a mask.

inquietant · 05/01/2021 19:13

I am very covid-averse but I couldn't put someone so vulnerable at increased risk like that. I you're being really unreasonable.

WanderingHopefully · 05/01/2021 19:20

Poor woman. She's 92, and put herself at risk yesterday because she didn't want to trouble you. I can't get my head round you being happy for her to be put at further risk when she's so vulnerable given her age, presumably just because you don't want to catch it if she caught it from at taxi driver yesterday. Unless there's some back story you're not saying about her behaviour, that's really not a decent way for you to treat a close member of your family.

Nousernamesleftatall · 05/01/2021 19:22

Yes of course I would happily drive her.

The world has officially gone mad.

Original poster
Dinnerisburnt · 05/01/2021 19:24

@hammeringinmyhead I don’t know why she didn’t ask for a lift, I would happily have driven her there and back. I already knew she had her Friday and Saturday appointments and had no issue at all with taking her. It’s the fact she has been in a taxi that is bothering me. Chiropodist is 2 miles from her home, hospital is 7 miles away, and COVID vaccine about 4 miles.

OP posts:
alexdgr8 · 05/01/2021 19:26

agree with wandering above.
and when you say, she won't go to a supermarket, that sounds resentful. of course she shouldn't have to.
i wonder how you will feel if you are 92 and treated like this by DIL.
try to do the right thing, even if your heart is not in it.

BlueThistles · 05/01/2021 19:26

OMG the poor woman is 92 .. and she your family...

I feel so desperately sad for her... Yes you are being very unreasonable.

hammeringinmyhead · 05/01/2021 19:27

Ah I see, it's not clear that she has already asked you about the other 2 appointments. But I do think she was partly "able" to get a taxi because 2 miles costs pence.

I'd take her though. Masks and open windows.

ComesAsTheEnd · 05/01/2021 19:27

YABVU
I do all of this for my DM and did for DMiL when she was alive (DH doesn’t drive). Yes, it can be a pain in the arse but it’s what you do for aged family members.
Presumably you’ll want someone to help you out one day.

jellybeans44 · 05/01/2021 19:28

So let me get this right....you do her shopping (i.e. go to a supermarket full of people) but because she was in a taxi, presumably in the back with a screen between her and the driver, and a mask on...you don't want to have her in the car with you? Is that right?

alexdgr8 · 05/01/2021 19:28

so you are punishing her for her trying to save you the bother of one lift.
maybe she picks up on your attitude and feels uncomfortable.
don't be so mean.

olympicsrock · 05/01/2021 19:30

Poor vulnerable woman. You would be putting her at increased risk getting multiple taxis. Give the poor woman a lift if you possibly can

BlueThistles · 05/01/2021 19:31

[quote Dinnerisburnt]@hammeringinmyhead I don’t know why she didn’t ask for a lift, I would happily have driven her there and back. I already knew she had her Friday and Saturday appointments and had no issue at all with taking her. It’s the fact she has been in a taxi that is bothering me. Chiropodist is 2 miles from her home, hospital is 7 miles away, and COVID vaccine about 4 miles.[/quote]
she likely picked up on your.... very kindly willing and helpful attitude ... because to be fair.. it's leaping off this thread... I can feel your warm from here Hmm it's ice cold.

'happily'... is not a word I would use to describe your occasionally help of a vulnerable 92 year old lady.

MiriamMargo · 05/01/2021 19:31

WOW selfish or what, the fact that you actual mention your speaks volumes about you, she 92 for goodness sake !

ZOhZee · 05/01/2021 19:32

but it’s what you do for aged family members

It's what women do for their relatives and in-laws.

I've yet to have a male member of staff declare any sort of caring responsibility for an in-law, yet had several female staff working around family care commitments (including in-laws) over the years, where we are able to be flexible. Similar in my friend network. No male carers that I can think of.

I'm not commenting on what the op should do, but let's not pretend men have equal pressure (from others, and on themselves) to be a family carer. Willing or not. Capacity or not.

It's women's work.