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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to want to share the truth about Insta-bragger colleague

399 replies

Shr1881 · 04/01/2021 03:11

I have a very recently rejoined Instagram after a break. Starting to regret it now 🤦🏻‍♀️. I chose the option to add contacts from my Facebook and so this meant that I have followed the Instagram of a colleague, amongst others.

Aforementioned colleague has recently moved into a new house. It’s all she has talked about recently in the office, fair enough it’s an exciting time but even so. She’s told us about the fact that her and her DH have only been able to buy this place because it is shared ownership. They’ve bought a 25% share and then pay a massively inflated rent to a housing association on the rest of it. As time goes on, they are able to eventually buy more shares if they wish. It’s a big new build - there is only her and the DH- and she has openly said that there is no way they will be able to afford it otherwise. A couple of us in the office had tried to convince her to perhaps look at a slightly smaller house that they would have been able to get a mortgage on the normal way but she had her heart set on the big new build. She referred to it as “Insta-worthy”, which made me and other colleagues eye roll! I even told her about a couple of people I’ve known in years gone by who have had lots of issues with shared ownership properties... I have a friend who lives in one and has to ask for permission from the housing association every time she does any work to it, I also know somebody else who ran into a load of financial difficulties when they wanted to sell their share. But she was adamant this is what she wanted.

I was having a browse of her Instagram earlier this evening. Many of you here may know that there is a big ‘New Home’ community on Instagram and she seems to have thrown herself into that. The issue I have is the blatant lying! She has been inundated With comments on how beautiful the house is, and have had people saying things like “you are so lucky, how on earth have you afforded this, I could ever dream of a house like this” etc etc and she has replied telling people all about how hard she and her DH have worked over the years and it took them a long long time to save up, and telling people about how DH has recently had a career change to a high-paying job which allowed them to buy the house - absolute lies - her DH is in and out of work as he can’t hold a job down!! Does warehouse work now and again.. She has quite openly told us all of this. (There is a group of us who have worked together for a long time so we all know each other well on a personal level). They got the 25% mortgage based on her salary alone.

Then she’s been doing all the humble-bragging of hashtag hardworkpaysoff, I haven’t got enough stuff to fill these huuuuge fitted wardrobes.. it’s really quite cringey!

She has even told us girls in the office that If anybody asks where she lives then she lies and tells them something else because it would give away the fact that they are in a shared ownership property if anyone knew the location!?

I feel so spiteful but the bragging and fibbing is just terrible on her Instagram, I have to work with this woman four days a week and she never stops talking about house stuff, should I just drop a cheeky comment on her Instagram, filling people in on the truth, or should I just stop looking at her page? 😂 honestly wind me up so much when people fabricate a completely different life online to what they actually live.

OP posts:
jessstan1 · 04/01/2021 07:50

The cries of jealously & spite are odd, most people don't like liars & bullshitters in RL
......
I get that but the woman isn't actually harming anyone else, she is just making a fool of herself. If she was my friend I'd want to protect her and encourage her to protect herself, not 'out' her on social media. What purpose would that serve?

Thehollyandtheirony · 04/01/2021 07:51

It’s Instagram, all of it is made up crap.
Just unfollow.
I unfollowed a real life friend who posts her ridiculously over- styled house and Instamummy stuff. I have no regrets!

pictish · 04/01/2021 07:51

There’s a great deal of pressure on us to display our ‘worth’ with measurable material gain. In the age of social media, it’s something that taints almost every individual in our society to a lesser or greater degree. If it’s not a house, it’s a holiday...or whatever.

Just ignore her preposterous, exaggerated claims of success. It’s sad and pathetic...she is more to be pitied than scolded.
In any case it doesn’t impact on you, so why worry?

Christmas2021 · 04/01/2021 07:52

This kind of behaviour has been and continues to go on in one form or the other for forever and exists outside of instagram. I have friends who will happily show you around their beautiful, huge and perfectly decorated home, watch as you "wow" and "oooh" but act all humble about how it's nothing etc. Reading between the lines or hearing from other sources, they have had external help from parents or an inheritance or whatever. They could (and I would) say something along the lines of "oh we've been very lucky, our parents helped" etc but chose to let you believe it was all them. I have a family member who has an immaculate house who has used and abused people to get freebies or cut price work and upset people along the way. People are constantly telling her how beautiful her home is whilst she smugly looks on. Is this any different really? I think most people know what others do to earn money and read between the lines if what they "have" looks disproportionate. I imagine your colleague has just taken this to the next level and told a flat out lie because she has been asked directly how she has afforded it and doesn't want to tell people the truth.

This sort of behaviour does make me think less of people and less likely to want to be friends with them, depending on the extent to which they deceive people. I do sometimes want to call them out yes. But at the end of the day, most people will probably inwardly see through it so what is the point? I am a firm believer in worrying about your own life, not other people's.

MimiDaisy11 · 04/01/2021 07:54

@FTEngineerM

it’s not actually hurting you at all

That’s not strictly true, it’s one of the reasons I am not on any social media. It does hurt others, the OP provided an example of how her lies are affecting others ‘you’re so lucky how do you afford this’ may sound like a throw away comment but imagine someone struggling to pay rent/bills and their feeds are filled with ‘friends’ lying about their lives. They’ll feel like everyone else is fine and they are failing, totally not true, we all have the same life struggles. That will and does do damage to peoples mental health.

I, like the OP wanted to, used to call out things I saw if I knew it were a lie/fake. Ended up getting into arguments with family or friends because ‘it’s just insta’ ‘it’s for the gram’ ‘it’s what you do’.

And no.. it’s not. It’s the most farcical concept I’ve ever been part of.

You would never ever need that validation a decade or more ago. You wouldn’t take a Polaroid of your kitchen sink all clean and take it around to all your friends houses so that they could tell you how shiny it was.

I think that's a good point and it's really why social media can be damaging. It's full of people with low self-esteem creating a false picture of their lives and in turn makes others feel low and have the need to project a false image. Well that's one side of social media. Obviously not everyone is like that.
GeordieGreigsButtButtZoom · 04/01/2021 07:55

It's surely obvious that Instagram is full of shit!

GreenClock · 04/01/2021 07:55

Life is tough when you have a deadbeat husband. Let her have her insta, OP.

SheldonesqueIsUnwell · 04/01/2021 07:56

popsicle

I don’t brag on SM. I have none. I don’t think those in my circle do either. We know each other well enough to know that any blawing will be called out.

If you read my first post, I said not to out her. But I would be full of pity that someone felt the need to be that scanty with the truth. And I wouldn’t be assisting the lies with money from my pocket.

Lovely shiny lives on SM are great. But for a lot of folk life isn’t quite like that and it is a shame folk feel the need to play the game.

I know I’d much rather hang around folk who were honest about their circumstances than a Bettybullshitter.

finkking · 04/01/2021 07:56

I get that but the woman isn't actually harming anyone else, she is just making a fool of herself.

I think it's a grey area. Because lies on SM do impact on the users, particularly the youth.
However I did say ignore & unfollow. Nonetheless people do not like lying & bullshitting in RL so why is criticising that behaviour seen as spiteful?

Allispretty · 04/01/2021 07:58

Agree with a pp that this behaviour has gone on for years "keeping up with the Jones" it's nothing new. Instagram just gives people more real time access to people's life's.

Op you sound quite bitter to behave like this, I use Instagram and follow a lot of accounts that may be deemed as "influencing" but non of it gets to me or affects my life because I'm happy in my own life. Quite frankly she's using Instagram in the same way 80% do.

JiltedJohnsJulie · 04/01/2021 07:58

I’ve lent her money previously for this reason.

I was just going to say unfollow and ignore but you really need to take a huge step back. Don't lend her any more money unless you are happy to fund her lifestyle choices and view it as a donation that you can afford to lose.

Tianatiers · 04/01/2021 07:59

YABU why does it even matter to you, just don't look at her Instagram? Sorry to be harsh but if this is all you have to worry about you are very, very lucky.

TheOtherMaryBerry · 04/01/2021 07:59

I suppose I do agree with everyone saying to let it go but my god, OP, it's so annoying isn't it. My DSis has a small following on insta and posts the most utter nonsense and it drives.me.mad. I know it's none of my business but she's full of lies and rubbish in real life too and it's infuriating. I do try to let it go but after her post about how hard 2020 was (because her husband was at work, normal hours) and because there was no one to support her (not true, she had my DPs driving miles to her with shopping and all sorts) it's made me wish I could do something. Especially as she knows that there are others in her family who have actual problems. Although this is the person who said that another mum was 'lucky' as her husband was furloughed and depressed whilst her DH had to still go to work to his really well paid job! But no, nothing you can do and it does just show a dissatisfaction with her life that's really sad.

Charlie63849 · 04/01/2021 08:00

I wouldn’t write anything on insta but I would say something to her saying what’s all these lies on insta... you do know everyone can see it don’t you Wink

SimplyRadishing · 04/01/2021 08:02

@Thedogscollar

More to be pitied than outed. This is what social media does to some people it's really quite sad.
My thoughts too. She sounds unhappy
CakeRequired · 04/01/2021 08:04

Lots of people on here must be living the same kind of lifestyle as your friend op, they seem quite insulted by a random person's thoughts.

Look she is an idiot. She's overdone herself on a massive house she likely doesn't even need, she has a husband who is equally as stupid. Stop lending her money, stop consoling her. It's her mess, leave her to it. Plenty of adults do the same thing these days, over do it on credit cards, loans, mortgages etc to live an insta life. She will likely lose the house soon. It's her own fault and her life. Can't force an adult to do the right thing.

Lookslikerainted · 04/01/2021 08:05

Spiteful and jealous

Winterwoollies · 04/01/2021 08:08

Just unfollow her and leave her alone. Maybe she’s terribly stressed and unhappy and living a fantasy life is helping? Maybe she’s doing the positive visualisation in the hope that she can work towards it? Either way, it’s not actually hurting anyone. Don’t be a cow and just stop engaging with her house chat.

JohnMiddleNameRedactedSwanson · 04/01/2021 08:10

I feel so spiteful

You said it yourself. Unfollow her and leave her be.

Littleideasbigbook · 04/01/2021 08:11

Wow. That is a lot of snobbery about shared ownership OP. I have a shared ownership because as a lone parent who left a marriage with a broken jaw and the clothes I stood up in, I couldn't get a full mortgage. It was either pay 75% to a mortgage and 25% rent totalling £460. Or continue paying £650 for a substandard landlord in a worse area. That 75% will go to my DC's instead of paying off a strangers mortgage. Your friend might be a fantasist but you have been judgemental and superior and lack wisdom. YABU.

Missteebeee · 04/01/2021 08:12

It sounds like a typical insta post

I really dislike insta because it is so fake all the time

CaptainMyCaptain · 04/01/2021 08:13

@Gwenhines

She's just using Instagram like everyone else does. The insta picture perfect life is all lies. Just walk away and let her have her fantasy. Focus on your own life.
No, not everyone uses it like that (I use it to share an interest with like minded people) but if she does then it's her business and nobody else's.
LobotheBotanist · 04/01/2021 08:13

Let her have her fantasy

Nobody believes these insta people posts anyway

Butt out

SmileyClare · 04/01/2021 08:13

@CakeRequired

Lots of people on here must be living the same kind of lifestyle as your friend op, they seem quite insulted by a random person's thoughts.

Look she is an idiot. She's overdone herself on a massive house she likely doesn't even need, she has a husband who is equally as stupid. Stop lending her money, stop consoling her. It's her mess, leave her to it. Plenty of adults do the same thing these days, over do it on credit cards, loans, mortgages etc to live an insta life. She will likely lose the house soon. It's her own fault and her life. Can't force an adult to do the right thing.

I agree with this. What is there to be jealous of? And if she's regularly "crying in the office" she's clearly unhappy.

liars are awful I see this comment a lot on here. It's a rather childish simplified view : "lying is bad". I think it's worth considering the motives behind lying. In this case, it's probably due to massive insecurities, craving the validation of others and low self-esteem.

finkking · 04/01/2021 08:14

Lots of people on here must be living the same kind of lifestyle as your friend op, they seem quite insulted by a random person's thoughts.

Quite! Asking the OP why does it matter & why does she care what her colleague does while simultaneously caring about the OPs motivations 🤔

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