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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to want to share the truth about Insta-bragger colleague

399 replies

Shr1881 · 04/01/2021 03:11

I have a very recently rejoined Instagram after a break. Starting to regret it now 🤦🏻‍♀️. I chose the option to add contacts from my Facebook and so this meant that I have followed the Instagram of a colleague, amongst others.

Aforementioned colleague has recently moved into a new house. It’s all she has talked about recently in the office, fair enough it’s an exciting time but even so. She’s told us about the fact that her and her DH have only been able to buy this place because it is shared ownership. They’ve bought a 25% share and then pay a massively inflated rent to a housing association on the rest of it. As time goes on, they are able to eventually buy more shares if they wish. It’s a big new build - there is only her and the DH- and she has openly said that there is no way they will be able to afford it otherwise. A couple of us in the office had tried to convince her to perhaps look at a slightly smaller house that they would have been able to get a mortgage on the normal way but she had her heart set on the big new build. She referred to it as “Insta-worthy”, which made me and other colleagues eye roll! I even told her about a couple of people I’ve known in years gone by who have had lots of issues with shared ownership properties... I have a friend who lives in one and has to ask for permission from the housing association every time she does any work to it, I also know somebody else who ran into a load of financial difficulties when they wanted to sell their share. But she was adamant this is what she wanted.

I was having a browse of her Instagram earlier this evening. Many of you here may know that there is a big ‘New Home’ community on Instagram and she seems to have thrown herself into that. The issue I have is the blatant lying! She has been inundated With comments on how beautiful the house is, and have had people saying things like “you are so lucky, how on earth have you afforded this, I could ever dream of a house like this” etc etc and she has replied telling people all about how hard she and her DH have worked over the years and it took them a long long time to save up, and telling people about how DH has recently had a career change to a high-paying job which allowed them to buy the house - absolute lies - her DH is in and out of work as he can’t hold a job down!! Does warehouse work now and again.. She has quite openly told us all of this. (There is a group of us who have worked together for a long time so we all know each other well on a personal level). They got the 25% mortgage based on her salary alone.

Then she’s been doing all the humble-bragging of hashtag hardworkpaysoff, I haven’t got enough stuff to fill these huuuuge fitted wardrobes.. it’s really quite cringey!

She has even told us girls in the office that If anybody asks where she lives then she lies and tells them something else because it would give away the fact that they are in a shared ownership property if anyone knew the location!?

I feel so spiteful but the bragging and fibbing is just terrible on her Instagram, I have to work with this woman four days a week and she never stops talking about house stuff, should I just drop a cheeky comment on her Instagram, filling people in on the truth, or should I just stop looking at her page? 😂 honestly wind me up so much when people fabricate a completely different life online to what they actually live.

OP posts:
ContessaDiPulpo · 04/01/2021 08:14

I agree with the comment that no one likes liars and bullshitters in RL, so it's unsurprising that you dislike it online as well. Also, there is indeed nothing wrong with shared ownership; maybe someone should tell your colleague that as she clearly doesn't want the online community to know.

I'd do my best to ignore her and would stop following online. However I think you could reasonably ask her about bigger lies like her DH's new job, as that's something a friend would congratulate her on. She'll be embarrassed at your query but it may give her a push to rein it in online a bit.

LazyName · 04/01/2021 08:15

I don’t think you sound nasty, obviously you wouldn’t comment on it you just needed somewhere to vent - and i agree it is ridiculously annoying how so many people live the ‘Instagram life’ when the reality is untrue! Hence the reason I no longer bother with it Smile

Workingmummyy · 04/01/2021 08:16

@pinbinpin

Why do you care so much?

You sound mean and spiteful.

Lol why do you care to comment this? You sound mean and spiteful!

I dont get mumsnet trolling honestly.

These horrible judgey people sitting behind their keyboards offering 'words of wisdom' to strangers by judging them and calling them names. So hypocritical.

OP I agree its super annoying. I wpuld mute her posts and story. That way no harm done by unfollowing and you dont have to see the cringe xx

nosswith · 04/01/2021 08:20

Tell her that too much bragging and any detail about her house makes it a target for burglars. Hopefully that will be effective.

Iknowwhatudidlastsummer · 04/01/2021 08:21

You sound worst than her.

I understand the annoyance when she is bragging at work because she is in your face. I would roll my eyes too, but unless I was jealous of that big house, I wouldn't care so much.

On instagram? YOU chose who to follow, it's not even FB where someone sends you a friend request. You are only making a drama because you enjoy being part of it. You know you could ignore, but you enjoy bitching about it.

It's people like you who push social media. Win win, the braggers and exhibitionist find an audience and sometimes make a living out of it, the curtain twitcher find things to bitch about.

I have 0 sympathy for you, but you will show yourself as jealous and spiteful if you start making comments about her finance! What is it to you?!

lomojojo · 04/01/2021 08:21

It's very sad. A lot of people feel pressured to do this sort of thing, I think.

I would feel a bit sorry for her, if I knew her. Not sure why you're angry. It's pathetic, isn't it? She's so ashamed of her life she's telling lies about it to strangers on the internet. She sounds like she's not a happy person.

Iknowwhatudidlastsummer · 04/01/2021 08:22

Workingmummyy

I don't think you know what "trolling" means...

TramaDollface · 04/01/2021 08:23

Just stop looking at her page

My sister is a bit like this but she’s an i sexiest materialistic narcissist who just can’t help herself

I simply don’t have her on my socials!

Vitaminsss · 04/01/2021 08:23

You sound like a stalker. You’re over invested to the extent that you’re now a fan of her, that’s weird. Focus this energy on your own life.

If you despise Instagram, delete your account and don’t come back

If you despise her, remove her from all social media. You’re the one that followed her at the end of the day, she didn’t follow you first. You’re the one that forced it.

Who cares if she’s trying to grow her home Instagram? There’s obviously benefits to having success. It’s weird that this makes you angry.

You want her to be completely transparent however doesn’t make sense for her to share her finances or the ins and outs of the purchase with her followers? A generic cookie cutter response is best.

finkking · 04/01/2021 08:26

It’s weird that this makes you angry.

I agree @Vitaminsss why are you so upset?

Iwonder08 · 04/01/2021 08:26

You sound spiteful and jealous. What is it to you if she feels the need to share this on Instagram? It is none of your business. Get a life

Floralprints · 04/01/2021 08:27

You really don't sound jealous and bitter. Surely it's normal to raise an eyebrow when somebody is saying one thing but portraying another.

I would also find this annoying but also funny. I can imagine I would enjoy spotting the discrepancies between what she says and what is posted but just have a little eye roll to myself.

The lines between Instagram and real life are still blurred. Instagram is now basically advertising and every average Joe (work colleague) thinks they can do it too. It has genuinely become aspirational to have a large following on Instagram, but they have to create the facade to get it. She has fallen into the trap and you can enjoy watching an instgrammer in the wild 😂 I find it fascinating and you can now look at the whole of Instagram through this new lens.

Keep quiet, observe and enjoy.

Glitteryone · 04/01/2021 08:30

Pop over to Tattle and post this, you’ll get much more support there OP.

finkking · 04/01/2021 08:31

Surely it's normal to raise an eyebrow when somebody is saying one thing but portraying another.

I'm genuinely perplexed at some of the responses. If OP had posted about a colleague doing this in RL & not on SM the responses would be different.

When did people ever like bullshiting & lying?
N.B I'm fully aware that the reasons why people do it are complex however people still don't find them to be positive traits.

nitsandwormsdodger · 04/01/2021 08:34

We are all guilty of being fake online aren't we?
I only post nice smiley photos of my kids not the snotty wingey ones
I only post pics where my fat tum is hidden behind something and where my house is tidy or where the post is about something positive I'm going
All true and honest but omitting all our struggles, worries and grotty bits
She is just doing an extreme version of this
She is projecting the image of what she wants the world to see
It is frustrating and I only follow folk that are uplifting but honest as I find they damage my mental health the least
I do have a few friends who post a sanitised version of themselves online and it is irritating and somewhat sad they can't face the reality of their lives head on and project that to everyone but maybe the delusion is what is getting her through life ?

PenguinIce · 04/01/2021 08:34

What do you want her to do, right ‘Shared Ownership’ in 12 foot red letters on the side of her house so everyone knows she hasn’t taken out a mortgage for all of it? I don’t know the conditions of any of my friends living arrangements, whether they own outright; mortgaged it all or rent/part buy and not sure why I would need them to put it on social media. Just keep your nosy beak out, you don’t sound like a friend at all just a snob!

On a side note are any of us ‘home owners’ until the mortgage is paid off??

Margeryprongs · 04/01/2021 08:35

Urgh.

Remmy123 · 04/01/2021 08:36

I hate the way instagrammers lie/inflate the truth - it makes people feel like shit!!

I'd be annoyed too!!

VettiyaIruken · 04/01/2021 08:37

She's probably deeply unhappy and having this fantasy on Instagram makes her feel better.
Not sure how because she knows she's lying but 🤷‍♀️ some people seem to need to pretend their partner is a success rather than failure or crook, that they have the perfect kids and perfect life.

They are to be pitied. Retreating into a lie because reality is not enough for them.

Just unfollow her and let it go.

BobbidyBob · 04/01/2021 08:37

You sound 10000x worse than her, to be honest.

You might not like insta fakery, I don’t like people who are overly invested in others’ lives, who give unsolicited advice at work (that conversation you had about her looking at somewhere smaller would have had my back right up) and who care enough to post all about her in detail on another forum, presumably expecting people to join in on the bitching?! Concentrate on your own life and business.

CandidaAlbicans2 · 04/01/2021 08:37

Well, I’m in the minority as I don’t think what OP’s friend is doing is entirely harmless. By creating a fantasy yet portraying it as reality her followers think her lifestyle is more easily achievable than it is. But it’s mostly bullshit, and people trying to emulate people like her - and we on this thread know it’s BS, but the many naive or vulnerable people don’t - can get into serious debt and suffer poor mental health trying to “keep up with the Joneses”. People, especially teenagers, have enough things negatively impacting their mental health without stuff like this too.

OP, I get it. She’s contributing to the toxic SM culture, and it’s galling to see people lapping up BS. But don’t call her out on it, especially publicly. Just unfollow her, don’t lend her money, and just smile and nod when she brags.

I’m surprised by the responses on this thread. Since when did lying, faking, and showing off become OK? When I was a child it was considered pretty bad form. But now it’s “Oh, everyone on SM does it and everyone knows it’s rubbish”, and don’t get me started on being able to make money from it. Fucking hell 🙄

Onedropbeat · 04/01/2021 08:37

Unrelated to your actual question but how is it ethical for companies to give shares ownership properties to people who wouldn’t normally be able to afford to buy them?

Clearly the mortgage and inflated rent together is way more than the mortgage would be alone on that particular property so they must be far worse off than if they’d bought it at 100% (ignoring lack of deposit) on a month by month basis?

tinkywinkyshandbag · 04/01/2021 08:38

Forget it and move on, unfollow her. If she needs that validation so bad she's prepared to lie then that's sad, but it's her problem.

Ihatefish · 04/01/2021 08:38

Tbh if this was a long standing work colleague I would be very worried about her. Why does she feel the need to basically act out her fantasy so dangerously in the real world to basically brag about it and lie in the social media world. That’s the absolute pinnacle of fucked up right there.

I would try and see if there’s an underlying issue. But I’d wager at least 50% of the other people in that world are in a similar position to your colleague. My starting point is with all these “perfect lives” on social media is that if they really were that perfect they would be busy enjoying living them rather than desperately seeking validation.

Candyfloss99 · 04/01/2021 08:40

Come on now, everyone knows Instagram is like this. You are not saying anything shocking at all. Maybe they did work hard to save for any mortgage at all.