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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to want to share the truth about Insta-bragger colleague

399 replies

Shr1881 · 04/01/2021 03:11

I have a very recently rejoined Instagram after a break. Starting to regret it now 🤦🏻‍♀️. I chose the option to add contacts from my Facebook and so this meant that I have followed the Instagram of a colleague, amongst others.

Aforementioned colleague has recently moved into a new house. It’s all she has talked about recently in the office, fair enough it’s an exciting time but even so. She’s told us about the fact that her and her DH have only been able to buy this place because it is shared ownership. They’ve bought a 25% share and then pay a massively inflated rent to a housing association on the rest of it. As time goes on, they are able to eventually buy more shares if they wish. It’s a big new build - there is only her and the DH- and she has openly said that there is no way they will be able to afford it otherwise. A couple of us in the office had tried to convince her to perhaps look at a slightly smaller house that they would have been able to get a mortgage on the normal way but she had her heart set on the big new build. She referred to it as “Insta-worthy”, which made me and other colleagues eye roll! I even told her about a couple of people I’ve known in years gone by who have had lots of issues with shared ownership properties... I have a friend who lives in one and has to ask for permission from the housing association every time she does any work to it, I also know somebody else who ran into a load of financial difficulties when they wanted to sell their share. But she was adamant this is what she wanted.

I was having a browse of her Instagram earlier this evening. Many of you here may know that there is a big ‘New Home’ community on Instagram and she seems to have thrown herself into that. The issue I have is the blatant lying! She has been inundated With comments on how beautiful the house is, and have had people saying things like “you are so lucky, how on earth have you afforded this, I could ever dream of a house like this” etc etc and she has replied telling people all about how hard she and her DH have worked over the years and it took them a long long time to save up, and telling people about how DH has recently had a career change to a high-paying job which allowed them to buy the house - absolute lies - her DH is in and out of work as he can’t hold a job down!! Does warehouse work now and again.. She has quite openly told us all of this. (There is a group of us who have worked together for a long time so we all know each other well on a personal level). They got the 25% mortgage based on her salary alone.

Then she’s been doing all the humble-bragging of hashtag hardworkpaysoff, I haven’t got enough stuff to fill these huuuuge fitted wardrobes.. it’s really quite cringey!

She has even told us girls in the office that If anybody asks where she lives then she lies and tells them something else because it would give away the fact that they are in a shared ownership property if anyone knew the location!?

I feel so spiteful but the bragging and fibbing is just terrible on her Instagram, I have to work with this woman four days a week and she never stops talking about house stuff, should I just drop a cheeky comment on her Instagram, filling people in on the truth, or should I just stop looking at her page? 😂 honestly wind me up so much when people fabricate a completely different life online to what they actually live.

OP posts:
wildthingsinthenight · 04/01/2021 06:37

You're not her friend. Just mute her account. She is not the only one being false. Leave her alone and concentrate on your own life

Oreservoir · 04/01/2021 06:38

When my dn was a single mum she posted on sm stating that she couldn't understand why some single mums didn't manage better on their benefits and basically accused them of being profligate.

What we all knew was she lived with her parents, paid no rent or utilities at all. Her df had bought her a car. The only things she paid for were clothes and her phone.
I blocked her.

jessstan1 · 04/01/2021 06:39

@pinbinpin

Why do you care so much?

You sound mean and spiteful.

That.

I agree it is unwise to go into shared ownership but the fact is, she has done it and is obviously pleased with her new home. They will be able to buy more shares and may end up owning it outright eventually, who knows.

The only thing I might say to her, if she is a friend, is that she goes on a bit about having a new, decent home, which many people have, it isn't that remarkable, and it makes her look silly. It is in fact rather embarrassing. At the same time making it clear you are pleased for her. That all has to be said very sensitively, otherwise she's liable to think you are jealous which I'm sure you're not. I might do that with a friend of mine but have never known anyone who makes such a big thing out of their fabulous new home - never did it myself.

I've not previously come across the word 'insta-worthy' before and it does sound 'cringe-worthy'.

She may take your comments on board or may not; you have to accept that some people are just 'like that', they might even boast and post pictures about being given a new council or housing association house or buying a car and be quite unaware of how embarrassing they are.

Tread carefully but this is basically not your business, despite your friend trying to make it everyone's business. Change the subject when she starts and don't look at her instagram pictures. Others will soon be fed up with her and try to avoid it too.

I do wonder if the girl has never had much in life so this is a very big thing to her.

She must have some good and pleasant qualities. Concentrate on those. If you can't, gradually disentangle yourself.

Chill out though, it doesn't affect your life.

Neenan · 04/01/2021 06:39

I know someone like this and I can’t even begin to tell you how it started and where it will end, but end it will soon. Currently racked up tens if not 100s of thousands of pounds worth of debt, and with a very close ‘friend’ who was recently banged up abroad for drug dealing.

But you know, as long as that Veuve is being popped on Insta. Then it’s all worth it.

I am a middle aged and very ordinary human being that’s worked for 36 years. This is an illness, it has to be.

TangoWhiskyAlphaTango · 04/01/2021 06:41

You do come across as nasty here OP. I would eye roll and feel sorry for somebody like this, that they feel the necessity to lie about things. You are way too invested. Delete her on IG.

oohmamama · 04/01/2021 06:42

Both of you clearly like gaining online approval.

Perhaps your dislike of her behaviour is a reflection of what you don't like about yourself?

Often I roll my eyes at what friends post but I never feel the need to gain approval for my feelings on a forum.

It doesn't make you a bad person at all - just maybe some time for reflection on why this upsets you so much?

jessstan1 · 04/01/2021 06:44

PS: For goodness sakes, don't post on her Instagram about her fabrications, that would be really nasty - and beneath you.

SansaSnark · 04/01/2021 06:45

Actually, I do think it's an issue if she is openly lying to her followers, particularly if any of them are young/impressionable. It creates a false impression of what is possible and can contribute to people getting into debt.

As an adult, I know everything on Instagram is fake (although I wouldn't necessarily think it is an outright lie) but I work with teenagers and a lot of them don't understand this and it impacts their happiness.

What I'm saying is that this isn't something that just affects her.

I'm not sure I'd do anything OP, but it would bother me too and I don't think you are spiteful.

YukoandHiro · 04/01/2021 06:49

Unfollow and ignore. She clearly has very low self esteem - first of all to be over stretching herself financially and secondly to be lying about it on Insta (although let's be honest Insta is one big pool of exaggeration and deception). Don't do anything cruel to someone so weak. And don't allow yourself to get wound up by it - what's the point?

You're right about shared ownership. It's a huge con unless you could never, ever afford to buy outright and it's your only way to gain a stake. It should be purchased for life, if at all, not as a starter home

TammyTwoSwanson · 04/01/2021 06:51

You sound spiteful, small and petty. Just unfollow and maybe get a hobby or something.

NoDontDoIt · 04/01/2021 06:54

It would be spiteful to do that

It's none of your business

I feel sorry for her but this one just has to play out; hopefully she gets something bigger to focus on than how her house is perceived on instagram one day.

karenshweet · 04/01/2021 06:58

This reply has been deleted

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Thewinterofdiscontent · 04/01/2021 07:02

Clearly it does involve you if she’s asked you all to lie about her address. I would definitely have a quiet word about toning down the bollocks. For her own her mental health if anything.

daisypond · 04/01/2021 07:03

Most people I know who own a flat have bought shared ownership. They’re often the only type you can get nowadays and the only way most people can get on the housing ladder. It sounds like you are looking down on her lack of wealth. It is very much “let them eat cake”.

OhWhyNot · 04/01/2021 07:04

Who takes what’s posted on Instagram seriously Confused

Concentrate on your own life

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 04/01/2021 07:05

It's sad that she feels she has to live a lie, but as long as she is not dishonest in the workplace about work related matters, nothing to do with you.
just unfollow her.

SheldonesqueIsUnwell · 04/01/2021 07:06

See I can’t be doing with this bigayam culture either. As my gran’s neighbours used to say, it is all a bit all fur coat and nae drawers.

Perhaps if folk stopped this fanciful blawing, people wouldn’t feel the need to keep up with the jones-montagues and be happy with their lot in life.

That said - don’t out her. But if they come saying ‘times are hard and I’m skint’, I wouldn’t be playing.

wherewildthingsare · 04/01/2021 07:07

I would just leave it . Sounds as though the 💩 will hit the fan eventually anyway.

Swearlikemalcolmtucker · 04/01/2021 07:07

Sorry OP you sound like such a snob! There’s nothing wrong with shared ownership, it might not suit you but it suits her.
I have an Instagram, I don’t share every detail of my financial commitments on it. Maybe her and DH had to save to get the mortgage. Maybe she’s exaggerating the truth a little, she wouldn’t be the first, and trying to make a career out of it.
Either way I really don’t see how it affects you, even if you don’t console her and help etc, it’s not like she’s lying to you.
Either be a friend to this women and leave her be, it might be her little bit of escapism, or distance yourself.
If this is what’s annoying you during a global pandemic, I think you need to get a grip tbh.

Ginfordinner · 04/01/2021 07:08

Why haven't you unfollowed her yet?

Bookworming · 04/01/2021 07:09

Stop lending money and stop being two faced.

Cherrysoup · 04/01/2021 07:13

Jesús, just unfollow her, although I’d drop a comment first eg Hmm, interesting, cos I’m a massive cow who can’t stand liars!

Fred578 · 04/01/2021 07:13

What a mean read... you don’t come across well on that OP

GeordieGreigsButtButtZoom · 04/01/2021 07:13

Ask yourself why it bothers you this much. And unfollow her.

Motnight · 04/01/2021 07:14

Op if you hate bragging as you say you do, you need to leave Instagram.

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