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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to want to share the truth about Insta-bragger colleague

399 replies

Shr1881 · 04/01/2021 03:11

I have a very recently rejoined Instagram after a break. Starting to regret it now 🤦🏻‍♀️. I chose the option to add contacts from my Facebook and so this meant that I have followed the Instagram of a colleague, amongst others.

Aforementioned colleague has recently moved into a new house. It’s all she has talked about recently in the office, fair enough it’s an exciting time but even so. She’s told us about the fact that her and her DH have only been able to buy this place because it is shared ownership. They’ve bought a 25% share and then pay a massively inflated rent to a housing association on the rest of it. As time goes on, they are able to eventually buy more shares if they wish. It’s a big new build - there is only her and the DH- and she has openly said that there is no way they will be able to afford it otherwise. A couple of us in the office had tried to convince her to perhaps look at a slightly smaller house that they would have been able to get a mortgage on the normal way but she had her heart set on the big new build. She referred to it as “Insta-worthy”, which made me and other colleagues eye roll! I even told her about a couple of people I’ve known in years gone by who have had lots of issues with shared ownership properties... I have a friend who lives in one and has to ask for permission from the housing association every time she does any work to it, I also know somebody else who ran into a load of financial difficulties when they wanted to sell their share. But she was adamant this is what she wanted.

I was having a browse of her Instagram earlier this evening. Many of you here may know that there is a big ‘New Home’ community on Instagram and she seems to have thrown herself into that. The issue I have is the blatant lying! She has been inundated With comments on how beautiful the house is, and have had people saying things like “you are so lucky, how on earth have you afforded this, I could ever dream of a house like this” etc etc and she has replied telling people all about how hard she and her DH have worked over the years and it took them a long long time to save up, and telling people about how DH has recently had a career change to a high-paying job which allowed them to buy the house - absolute lies - her DH is in and out of work as he can’t hold a job down!! Does warehouse work now and again.. She has quite openly told us all of this. (There is a group of us who have worked together for a long time so we all know each other well on a personal level). They got the 25% mortgage based on her salary alone.

Then she’s been doing all the humble-bragging of hashtag hardworkpaysoff, I haven’t got enough stuff to fill these huuuuge fitted wardrobes.. it’s really quite cringey!

She has even told us girls in the office that If anybody asks where she lives then she lies and tells them something else because it would give away the fact that they are in a shared ownership property if anyone knew the location!?

I feel so spiteful but the bragging and fibbing is just terrible on her Instagram, I have to work with this woman four days a week and she never stops talking about house stuff, should I just drop a cheeky comment on her Instagram, filling people in on the truth, or should I just stop looking at her page? 😂 honestly wind me up so much when people fabricate a completely different life online to what they actually live.

OP posts:
Bookaholic73 · 04/01/2021 07:15

Honestly, just because she ‘only’ bought a 25% share of the house, that doesn’t mean her and her partner haven’t been working really hard to save up for it.
You don’t know the ins and outs of their finances, and why do you care so much?

Unfollow her and move on.

EssentialHummus · 04/01/2021 07:15

That MN advice "Not my circus not my monkeys" comes to mind.

Don't lend money.
If you look at her posts, do so for entertainment value or block.
If she comments about it at work keep your replies vague - "Oh dear, that sounds very difficult" etc.
Your views of shared ownership/her DP/her finances are irrelevant, her life her decisions.

BigBadVoodooHat · 04/01/2021 07:21

us girls in the office

Hmm
Confusedandshaken · 04/01/2021 07:21

People have been doing this since long before social media. 25 years ago I worked with someone who lived on a very nice new build estate where houses cost a fortune. I knew it well but although I was much older than her and very senior to her so earned twice her salary and I couldn't afford to buy a house there. She would mention she lived there, show off the photos of her lovely kitchen and beautiful interiors, then smile sweetly at all the 'OMG it's gorgeous up,there/how can you afford to live there?' comments and never once mention that she was in a rented HA property, just agree that it was lovely and she was very lucky.

I didn't out her. It was a tiny deception that harmed no one and presumably made her feel good. We are still in touch on SM. She lives somewhere else now and still shows off her lovely home (and it is lovely, she's very house proud and works hard at it) but I have no idea if it's rented, shared ownership, bought outright or anything else. It's really not anyone's business.

FTEngineerM · 04/01/2021 07:21

it’s not actually hurting you at all

That’s not strictly true, it’s one of the reasons I am not on any social media. It does hurt others, the OP provided an example of how her lies are affecting others ‘you’re so lucky how do you afford this’ may sound like a throw away comment but imagine someone struggling to pay rent/bills and their feeds are filled with ‘friends’ lying about their lives. They’ll feel like everyone else is fine and they are failing, totally not true, we all have the same life struggles. That will and does do damage to peoples mental health.

I, like the OP wanted to, used to call out things I saw if I knew it were a lie/fake. Ended up getting into arguments with family or friends because ‘it’s just insta’ ‘it’s for the gram’ ‘it’s what you do’.

And no.. it’s not. It’s the most farcical concept I’ve ever been part of.

You would never ever need that validation a decade or more ago. You wouldn’t take a Polaroid of your kitchen sink all clean and take it around to all your friends houses so that they could tell you how shiny it was.

Thehousejackbuilt · 04/01/2021 07:22

You sound bitter and jealous. The way you are feeling is such a waste of energy. Just unfollow.

Snally82 · 04/01/2021 07:26

Who cares, Insta is full of this anyway. Leave her to it.

NastyBlouse · 04/01/2021 07:30

See, this is the problem with social media. It only shows one aspect of a person, usually a base thought or impulse.

You’ve done the same thing though OP. Reading your opening post many people have made an assumption about your character. But it almost certainly doesn’t represent who you really are as a person. Just like your colleague’s feed doesn’t represent who she is as a person.

You already know how to deal with this one. Unfollow her, or even delete Instagram completely. And stop lending this colleague money.

User158340 · 04/01/2021 07:31

Social media is pathetic. Stay off it if you dont like it.

Charles11 · 04/01/2021 07:35

Leave her to her fantasy life. Maybe she just wants to keep her finances private?
There’s no need for you to comment except to embarrass and humiliate her. Why would you do that? It will make life so awkward at work.

SmellyPooHead · 04/01/2021 07:35

Please don't say anything and embarrass her. Its very sad that she is fueling the fire that sucked her in

borntohula · 04/01/2021 07:39

Haha definitely some 'insta-braggers' on this thread 😏 I deleted SM (unless mn counts) because it's bullshit. Not hard.

shallbe · 04/01/2021 07:43

I don't understand why this would evoke more than an eye roll, why is it bothering you so much?

PopsicleHustler · 04/01/2021 07:44

Wow. You really need to find something else to do with your time.

My Dh and I laugh at things like that and then move on to the next thing. We wouldnt sit all night hogging instagram and rambling on over someone's exaggerated lifestyle. We would have a laugh maybe but you are very much over invested in this. Leave the girl alone. Maybe she has worked hard to get the shared ownership etc. And proud to have somewhat of her own place. Let the woman be and do some hobby with your time.

finkking · 04/01/2021 07:45

I would unfollow & ignore.

The cries of jealously & spite are odd, most people don't like liars & bullshitters in RL.

StopSquirtingBleachOnCaneToads · 04/01/2021 07:46

I think you need to come off instagram, or at the very least stop following her. It's making you spiteful and nasty.

Her lying is pathetic and I actually feel quite sorry for her as it is almost certainly masking a whole load of insecurities. Your response to it isn't much better.

icantbeliveitsnotbutter · 04/01/2021 07:46

If you don't want to cause a stir by unfollowing her you can mute her account so that you cannot see what she posts x

SmileyClare · 04/01/2021 07:46

No wonder she often cries in the office. It must be spectacularly bad for her mental health to live a fantasy life online which doesn't compare to her own.

It probably is tough to pay all the utilities on a huge house, plus rent and her mortgage, particularly if her husband can't hold down a job. If she is begging to borrow money from you, then it sounds as though she's taken on too much.

WanderingMilly · 04/01/2021 07:46

This is exactly why I don't do Instagram or any of the other social media stuff.
The answer is simple, just stop being on there. Problem solved.

PopsicleHustler · 04/01/2021 07:46

And his exactly do you intend to out her by commenting????
That will just make you look like you're extremely bored and have nothing better to do and actually rather spiteful.
I have known a girl who actually has a lot of sugar daddies and she has lots of glamorous things showing off on her Instagram. But I wouldnt comment and say which one of your sd bought you this. That just looks really sad. I dont agree with it but it's her life and nothing really to do with me.

SheldonesqueIsUnwell · 04/01/2021 07:47

The cries of jealously & spite are odd, most people don't like liars & bullshitters in RL

Yup. That. ^

PopsicleHustler · 04/01/2021 07:47

My work is pretty much social media based. I promote products online for an online business. So I see a lot of things. Everyone wants to add sparkle and glamour to their Instagram. It's become the norm. Even for teenagers

CeeceeBloomingdale · 04/01/2021 07:48

Live and let live, it's none of your business.

PopsicleHustler · 04/01/2021 07:49

Yep that's very true @SheldonesqueIsUnwell

Liars are awful. But unfortunately in this day and age everyone is bragging about themselves on social media. If we are to ait and go through everyone's account and out them, wont that make us spiteful ?

dayswithaY · 04/01/2021 07:50

Everything on Instagram is fake, just stop looking!