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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to want to share the truth about Insta-bragger colleague

399 replies

Shr1881 · 04/01/2021 03:11

I have a very recently rejoined Instagram after a break. Starting to regret it now 🤦🏻‍♀️. I chose the option to add contacts from my Facebook and so this meant that I have followed the Instagram of a colleague, amongst others.

Aforementioned colleague has recently moved into a new house. It’s all she has talked about recently in the office, fair enough it’s an exciting time but even so. She’s told us about the fact that her and her DH have only been able to buy this place because it is shared ownership. They’ve bought a 25% share and then pay a massively inflated rent to a housing association on the rest of it. As time goes on, they are able to eventually buy more shares if they wish. It’s a big new build - there is only her and the DH- and she has openly said that there is no way they will be able to afford it otherwise. A couple of us in the office had tried to convince her to perhaps look at a slightly smaller house that they would have been able to get a mortgage on the normal way but she had her heart set on the big new build. She referred to it as “Insta-worthy”, which made me and other colleagues eye roll! I even told her about a couple of people I’ve known in years gone by who have had lots of issues with shared ownership properties... I have a friend who lives in one and has to ask for permission from the housing association every time she does any work to it, I also know somebody else who ran into a load of financial difficulties when they wanted to sell their share. But she was adamant this is what she wanted.

I was having a browse of her Instagram earlier this evening. Many of you here may know that there is a big ‘New Home’ community on Instagram and she seems to have thrown herself into that. The issue I have is the blatant lying! She has been inundated With comments on how beautiful the house is, and have had people saying things like “you are so lucky, how on earth have you afforded this, I could ever dream of a house like this” etc etc and she has replied telling people all about how hard she and her DH have worked over the years and it took them a long long time to save up, and telling people about how DH has recently had a career change to a high-paying job which allowed them to buy the house - absolute lies - her DH is in and out of work as he can’t hold a job down!! Does warehouse work now and again.. She has quite openly told us all of this. (There is a group of us who have worked together for a long time so we all know each other well on a personal level). They got the 25% mortgage based on her salary alone.

Then she’s been doing all the humble-bragging of hashtag hardworkpaysoff, I haven’t got enough stuff to fill these huuuuge fitted wardrobes.. it’s really quite cringey!

She has even told us girls in the office that If anybody asks where she lives then she lies and tells them something else because it would give away the fact that they are in a shared ownership property if anyone knew the location!?

I feel so spiteful but the bragging and fibbing is just terrible on her Instagram, I have to work with this woman four days a week and she never stops talking about house stuff, should I just drop a cheeky comment on her Instagram, filling people in on the truth, or should I just stop looking at her page? 😂 honestly wind me up so much when people fabricate a completely different life online to what they actually live.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 04/01/2021 04:49

I agree with changedmyname. There is a lot of pressure on people to look like they’re a success. She’s sadly succumbed. I understand your anger and I do think she is part of the problem as people in turn will look at her with jealousy and also try to compete. Bottom line though, everyone makes their own choices in life. Make a better choices yourself and don’t lend her money again.

Mummyoflittledragon · 04/01/2021 04:50

Oh and I should have added, don’t out her. She’s not doing anything illegal. When it all comes crumbling down, don’t be a told you so either. Offer basic sympathy, not money.

MusicalTrifleMonkey · 04/01/2021 04:54

I have good friends who are like different people on Instagram. I have to mute their posts because I read then and think ‘sorry, who are you?’. People lie, embellish and fake for social media strangers. Dunno why, it’s weird to pretend to eat well when you’re actually pigging our, or pretend you only shop ethically whilst you spend every weekend in Primark but it gets them Followers and comments which I guess boosts their confidence.
Don’t say anything. What difference does it make anyway? You won’t fare well on Instagram if you can take a bit of fakeness as loads of people do it! It’s annoying but it’s just how it is. Relax, you can unfollow or mute her and just carry on with your own stuff.

DdraigGoch · 04/01/2021 04:57

I'd be tempted to comment under a pseudonym with an innocent "we've been considering shared ownership, is it all it's cracked up to be?" before standing back to watch the fireworks.

The more sensible option is to get off of instagram. The site does no one any good.

SnowGnome · 04/01/2021 04:58

Does she know you follow her on IG?

If so, it sounds to me like you’re frustrated by being tacitly expected to endorse her being disingenuous which I can understand. I know a mummy blogger like this, all perfect on IG but in reality shouts and swears at her kids. What I don’t understand is how people expect those who know them to support this kind of alter ego, but somehow they do and it becomes your problem if you choose not to.

However, there’s nothing wrong at all with people trying to be positive about what they have and to improve themselves. Tbh I think the shared ownership bit is not really any of your business now, it’s their decision and from that perspective yabu. So that just leaves you with the self-inflated public image. In respect of that, I’d say that it’s not really worth getting upset over, there’s a whole world of people who find it perfectly normal and even gratifying so if you want to engage then you have to accept the way it is, otherwise you need to try not to engage.

Your last option is to disengage from her IG, and start trying to steer the topic away from houses at work when it comes up.

AlohaLola · 04/01/2021 05:08

Oh you’re a nasty piece of work OP! Rather than feeling happy for your friend, you’ve made yourself over-invested in her life, and now you’re looking to deep into it.

Who needs enemies when there’s friends like you eh!

DragonflyInn · 04/01/2021 05:09

Whether it’s part ownership or full mortgage, they have managed to afford their new big house. Let her be proud of that - whyever not?

You highlight that they pay an ‘overinflated’ rent on the 75% as well as the 25% mortgage so it’s clearly costing them quite a bit. It feels a bit mean to begrudge her enjoyment of this achievement - and it is still an achievement. I do get that the insta stuff grates a bit but would just step back and ignore it.

Heyahun · 04/01/2021 05:12

Jeez stop being so bloody judgemental - shared ownership works for some people - I’m in London and know loads of people in shred ownership properties - they’ve had no issues with them, have had no issues selling them a few years down the line either! The repayments are affordable enough - I’ve looked at them and a 2 bed shared ownership apartment would cost less monthly than my current 1 bed rental !

Anyway that’s besides the point - you sound so jealous and over invested in this - seriously leave her alone and restrict seeing her posts or block her if you don’t want to see what’s she’s posting 😂😂

ASimpleLampoon · 04/01/2021 05:15

Yanbu for finding this irritating but outing her would be mean. She is only harming herself just leave her to her fantasy

SaltedCaramelIcedLatte · 04/01/2021 05:15

Mind your own business and get a bloody life!

Nothing on Instagram is real

FortunesFave · 04/01/2021 05:17

What "goes back a long time"??? Your dislike of her? Who cares what she gets up to on her own social media?

You seriously need to look at your own life before you judge others. It's of no consequence to you what she says on her Instagram!

You're just being spiteful.

Palatka · 04/01/2021 05:25

I don’t blame you OP, what someone says on SM is often really neither here nor there, but the blatant lying is irritating.

EllyNC · 04/01/2021 05:29

Meh pretty sure most people on insta lie about something?! Also who are you to say she HASN’T worked hard to get that house, shared ownership or not she may have been saving for a really long time. She isn’t hurting you, please don’t leave a spiteful comment.

LittleMimi · 04/01/2021 05:30

I’d just unfollow. Like others said she’s not harming anyone but herself, and people should really know by now that social media doesn’t represent real life. Sure bragging and lying aren’t good qualities but it says more about her than anyone.

I think some of the comments here are a bit mean towards you. Being irritated by lying and bragging doesn’t make someone a “bitch”.

DeeCeeCherry · 04/01/2021 05:33

You are petty, jealous and obsessed. Do you not realise how silly you will sound telling people it's Shared Ownership, as if that's somehow shameful? Shared Ownership is t a free ride you know, they're paying for it. However you word it you will sound spiteful. Maybe she and her H did have to save to buy. & I know people who've bought via Shared Ownership and are perfectly happy having finished paying off mortgage. Either way they've bought their home so that's that. Her boasting may be annoying but she's not harming anyone is she? Just don't engage in conversations about her house at work. Unfollow her and get a life, honestly.

Rainbowqueeen · 04/01/2021 05:47

Mute or unfollow her.
Bear in mind that probably half the other people you follow are telling similar porkies, the only difference is that you are not aware of them.

And any comment you make will reflect really badly in you. Just walk away

Oysterbabe · 04/01/2021 05:58

If you out her the only person who will look bad is you. Let her have her fantasy, it's a bit of fun and none of your business.

Catsup · 04/01/2021 06:01

To be honest you lost me at 'us girls', I'll just assume that the majority of women including yourself who work in your office are over 18? So clearly more 'women' than girls? And all presumably well past the age of 'on Wednesday's we wear pink' 😂

LadyMinerva · 04/01/2021 06:12

Maybe it makes her feel better? It's not hurting you in any way.

Stop consoling her. Stop following her and stop pretending to be her friend.

goldielockdown2 · 04/01/2021 06:13

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Shoxfordian · 04/01/2021 06:14

Stop following her
Let her make things up if it makes her feel better

Did she repay you when you lent her money? Maybe don’t do that again

ukgift2016 · 04/01/2021 06:25

How spiteful and jealous you sound. Shared ownership is a legitimate scheme to help people get on the property ladder.

ElleDubloo · 04/01/2021 06:28

I feel bad for your friend, just as I feel bad for anyone who’s so desperate to look good that they get into financial difficulty. Instagram is addictive and deceiving. Consider this a silly phase in your friend’s life and be there for her when it all crumbles at the end.

AndThenTheDayBecomesTheNight · 04/01/2021 06:35

This is the culture these days, to which we all contribute with our valuing of money and status markers as signifying worth and success - to which you contribute as well with your barely suppressed sneering over paths to housing that don't follow the not-so-very-traditional-really 'get mortgage and feel like a morally superior person' model.

Emeraldeyes20 · 04/01/2021 06:36

Stop being so spiteful, you are obviously jealous if you don’t like the bragging stop following her. I have worked with mean spirited women like you, if it’s not the house you probably find something to criticise her about !

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