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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to want to share the truth about Insta-bragger colleague

399 replies

Shr1881 · 04/01/2021 03:11

I have a very recently rejoined Instagram after a break. Starting to regret it now 🤦🏻‍♀️. I chose the option to add contacts from my Facebook and so this meant that I have followed the Instagram of a colleague, amongst others.

Aforementioned colleague has recently moved into a new house. It’s all she has talked about recently in the office, fair enough it’s an exciting time but even so. She’s told us about the fact that her and her DH have only been able to buy this place because it is shared ownership. They’ve bought a 25% share and then pay a massively inflated rent to a housing association on the rest of it. As time goes on, they are able to eventually buy more shares if they wish. It’s a big new build - there is only her and the DH- and she has openly said that there is no way they will be able to afford it otherwise. A couple of us in the office had tried to convince her to perhaps look at a slightly smaller house that they would have been able to get a mortgage on the normal way but she had her heart set on the big new build. She referred to it as “Insta-worthy”, which made me and other colleagues eye roll! I even told her about a couple of people I’ve known in years gone by who have had lots of issues with shared ownership properties... I have a friend who lives in one and has to ask for permission from the housing association every time she does any work to it, I also know somebody else who ran into a load of financial difficulties when they wanted to sell their share. But she was adamant this is what she wanted.

I was having a browse of her Instagram earlier this evening. Many of you here may know that there is a big ‘New Home’ community on Instagram and she seems to have thrown herself into that. The issue I have is the blatant lying! She has been inundated With comments on how beautiful the house is, and have had people saying things like “you are so lucky, how on earth have you afforded this, I could ever dream of a house like this” etc etc and she has replied telling people all about how hard she and her DH have worked over the years and it took them a long long time to save up, and telling people about how DH has recently had a career change to a high-paying job which allowed them to buy the house - absolute lies - her DH is in and out of work as he can’t hold a job down!! Does warehouse work now and again.. She has quite openly told us all of this. (There is a group of us who have worked together for a long time so we all know each other well on a personal level). They got the 25% mortgage based on her salary alone.

Then she’s been doing all the humble-bragging of hashtag hardworkpaysoff, I haven’t got enough stuff to fill these huuuuge fitted wardrobes.. it’s really quite cringey!

She has even told us girls in the office that If anybody asks where she lives then she lies and tells them something else because it would give away the fact that they are in a shared ownership property if anyone knew the location!?

I feel so spiteful but the bragging and fibbing is just terrible on her Instagram, I have to work with this woman four days a week and she never stops talking about house stuff, should I just drop a cheeky comment on her Instagram, filling people in on the truth, or should I just stop looking at her page? 😂 honestly wind me up so much when people fabricate a completely different life online to what they actually live.

OP posts:
grapewine · 04/01/2021 11:58

Faking enthusiasm about being there in the first place, and faking respect and interest faced to absolute idiots is the default in the work place.

That's the truest thing I've read this year!

cabbageking · 04/01/2021 12:01

It would be mean and petty to react to online comments and deliberately hurt her.

Ignore the comments or don't read them.

Kwiksavenofrillsusername · 04/01/2021 12:05

I couldn’t muster up the energy to give a shit to be honest.

PattyPan · 04/01/2021 12:10

@Iknowwhatudidlastsummer

We can be sacked for lying at work! Maybe it’s my industry (regulation) but it would be a huge no-no.

depends what you are lying about! Obviously exams et experience are a no-no, but what you disclose to HR about your personal circumstances is one thing, your private life to your colleagues another entirely!

Being honest about your feelings and view is absolutely a no no. It's work, you need to stay professional and civilised at all time. It's the opposite of being honest.

No one cares if you are honest about your holiday or the content of your breakfast, or the type of property you live in.

I did say small white lies to avoid hurting people’s feelings were a different situation. If it came out that someone at my work was randomly lying about pointless stuff like your examples all the time I do think there would be some kind of repercussions because personal integrity is really important for our work and I just assumed other workplaces would be the same. To be honest if I were a manager and found out one of my employees was lying about that sort of thing I’d be gently asking about their mental health.
Trizzledizzle · 04/01/2021 12:11

This is the trouble with social media and Instagram in particular. I don't follow any of the lifestyle/homestyle Instagram accounts any more, most of its false. A good family friend is a plumber & corgi registered boiler fitter, he says he is always concerned when he is called out to certain roads for a broken boiler as although these are desirable areas, large houses, large new cars, lots of expensive kitchens with trifold doors - about 80% of the home owners are so cash strapped they can't afford replacement boilers and put a lot of pressure on him to repair boilers that need to be condemned and any repair will be dangerous

PegasusReturns · 04/01/2021 12:16

You sound jealous and over invested.

She might be lying about how hard her DH works but the fact is she has bought a house and who cares whether it is shared ownership, mortgaged or paid for in cash in lottery winnings?!

It being shared ownership doesn’t negate that she will have had to save hard and continues to work hard herself to pay for it.

Sugar coating her DHs input is hardly a big deal. Far better than airing your dirty linen in public and posting what a layabout he is as and asking followers to “inbox me hun”.

MadameButterface · 04/01/2021 12:20

You sound jealous and snobby op. Perhaps if chatting with ‘us girls’ at work is winding you up so much and leading to an unhealthy lack of boundaries (eg lending colleagues money) you should work on being more professional and detached and getting on with your actual work instead of being all up in one another’s personal business.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 04/01/2021 12:24

In all honesty I think you should just block her instagram account so you can't see it.
She's obviously unhappy the way her life is going, so she's doing the classic thing of making it all seem perfect in social media (which just goes to absolutely prove, as if we didn't already know, that people lie about their lives!) to make herself feel better.

I don't see how exposing her lies will help anyone, and certainly not her so block her and move on.

Danu2021 · 04/01/2021 12:27

@Taylrse

I would just feel sorry for her. Other people will notice the lies even if they don't mention it. She clearly needs some type of escape from reality and isn't harming anyone.
I agree, it's a way of making herself feel more admired. I know somebody who gave me the silent treatment for about a year because I defended a really small boundary. I think you have to look at whether somebody else's questionable behaviour is overstepping your boundaries or not. Somebody else's lies about their house? Not harmful to me in the slightest. Somebody else giving me the silent treatment to feel superior? yes, violation of my boundary.

Hope that makes sense.

DasPepe · 04/01/2021 12:37

I think @Ihatefish has expressed this really well and much better than I have.

People think it’s harmless and it’s only Instagram. But before you know it, this filters into the media and the stories that we see, the stories that we hear and how people behave.
It’s only Instagram! No one is real on there.
Sounds a bit like the start of the porn revolution: of course it’s not real women, it’s just fantasy, they are acting, it’s exaggerated - of course.
Except for the e so now have problems, exasperated (not created) by this portrayal of women - and it had infiltrated into everyday life and it IS a problem.

Danu2021 · 04/01/2021 12:40

But what is the solution? To shame individuals who do this because they need to be admired?

I'm wondering what they right way to stop somebody embellishing their life is. To stop them in their tracks without making them feel utterly shit. Is there a way to stop this behavior and make somebody feel better about themself?

TillyTopper · 04/01/2021 12:47

Just unfollow her and let her get on with it. You sound way too over-involved in her insta-life!

BettyOBarley · 04/01/2021 12:51

Just unfollow her?

She's probably telling you the truth that they're struggling but bigging herself up on Instagram and so what if she is, who's she hurting? You sound a bit jealous.

MaelyssQ · 04/01/2021 12:56

Leave her alone to create her insta stories. It really shouldn't affect you like this and it makes you sound petty and jealous. She obviously loves her house and so bloody what if she's only a part owner? Lots of people use this option to get on the housing ladder, it's nothing to sneer at.

ktp100 · 04/01/2021 12:58

YANBU to think she's a massive dick head but YABU to consider blowing her cover.

Don't make yourself an even bigger twat than her, OP.

HappyWinter · 04/01/2021 13:01

@Onedropbeat

I just had a look at the help to buy and seems around here you can buy a palatial home that would be £540k The monthly costs include a service charge of £300 and expected overall cost of £1900 a month yet to be eligible for the scheme you have to earn less than a certain amount

This all seems so wrong and a disaster waiting to happen

This is effectively open to me and would be double the amount I’d be comfortable to afford

@Onedropbeat That mortgage payment is extortionate, what were the earning restrictions on the scheme? If you weren't a high earner you would find it very difficult if interest rates went up.

OP, I wouldn't lend her money, but I'd just let her get on with it and not tell anyone about the Insta lies.

Vilanelle · 04/01/2021 13:04

This reply has been deleted

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nicebreeze · 04/01/2021 13:09

Just leave it. If anyone hasn't realised everything on Instagram is a complete fabrication by now then they've probably got their head in the sand.

MadameButterface · 04/01/2021 13:10

@TillyTopper

Just unfollow her and let her get on with it. You sound way too over-involved in her insta-life!
I’d say they all sound way too over involved in one another’s actual lives full stop. Knowing intimate financial details about one another, money changing hands, getting wound up enough about each other to be posting to a bunch of internet randoms about it all at gone 3am. I’m cringing.

It’s not very professional, and i bet it must be really awkward to be a new person in this workplace.

Ihatefish · 04/01/2021 13:25

@DasPepe

I think *@Ihatefish* has expressed this really well and much better than I have.

People think it’s harmless and it’s only Instagram. But before you know it, this filters into the media and the stories that we see, the stories that we hear and how people behave.
It’s only Instagram! No one is real on there.
Sounds a bit like the start of the porn revolution: of course it’s not real women, it’s just fantasy, they are acting, it’s exaggerated - of course.
Except for the e so now have problems, exasperated (not created) by this portrayal of women - and it had infiltrated into everyday life and it IS a problem.

I think that’s a great analogy-things aren’t a problem until they are and by then it’s too late. Up until that point it’s just a bit of harmless fun, a bit of an interest that keeps someone happy, just ignore it if you don’t like it, it’s up to her, don’t ole your nose in, it doesn’t affect you...

Obviously that kind of attitude has never led to any society wide problems ever! 10 years down the line the same people will be protesting about how their kids feel compelled to get in unserviceable debt to pay for the instalife, that their 20 year daughters have felt compelled to get plastic surgery having grown up seeing it as the norm on social media etc etc -but it’s all just harmless fun (until someone loses an eye).

UpHereForDancing · 04/01/2021 13:29

Just Unfollow. She'll probably realise you have quite soon and then she'll also stop talking about her house to you!

jamesfailedmarshmallows · 04/01/2021 13:45

I met a girl in an antenatal class who it transpired lived near me and we became friends. She worked as a carer in a nursing home, but was very aspirational and keen to give off markers of her non-existentwealth. I fell out of regular touch but would bump into her now and again, so know she still lives in her house and what school the dc go to. Last year I realized she's a local instagrammer and has a fair following. She has restaged most of her life, claiming she comes from a managerial background but wants to spend more time with "the smalls". This is a barefaced lie, she has partaken in every single MLM known to mankind in an attempt to make money. They go to Eurocamp every year but from the photos she talks about "flying in for a ski weekend" and the final straw was when she put up a post about putting up her Christmas tree in the basement. They live in a 2 up 2 down terrace Hmm I just feel sorry for her as she must be very insecure, but I also find it quite entertaining.

RaininSummer · 04/01/2021 13:53

It would really annoy me too. Her lies and bragging make others feel inadequate and stressed if they can't achieve the big house (not knowing that it's shared ownership). You need to step away though not call her out on it.

SmeleanorSmellstrop · 04/01/2021 14:09

Poor woman. She is probably feeling reallh horrible and insecure if her life isnt what she would like it to be and her husband can't hold down a job. Just unfollow her and let her have this one thing to cheer her up. Saying anything would be really unkind.

Iknowwhatudidlastsummer · 04/01/2021 14:48

Obviously that kind of attitude has never led to any society wide problems ever! 10 years down the line the same people will be protesting about how their kids feel compelled to get in unserviceable debt to pay for the instalife, that their 20 year daughters have felt compelled to get plastic surgery having grown up seeing it as the norm on social media etc etc -but it’s all just harmless fun (until someone loses an eye).

if you are unable to teach your children the difference between a movie or soap opera and real life
and today the difference between social media and real life

blame yourself, don't blame movies or social media

Next people will blame adverts or cartoons for being "unrealistic" Hmm

I'd rather we stop promoting obesity as the new normal all over the place than censor what people chose to post.

What do you want to do? ban filters? Ban photos taken from a better angle? HOW do you want to police anything?

The colleague HAS WORKED until proven that what she paid comes from inheritance or lottery win. Otherwise she wouldn't have that house. No need for so much bitterness and jealousy.