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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to want to share the truth about Insta-bragger colleague

399 replies

Shr1881 · 04/01/2021 03:11

I have a very recently rejoined Instagram after a break. Starting to regret it now 🤦🏻‍♀️. I chose the option to add contacts from my Facebook and so this meant that I have followed the Instagram of a colleague, amongst others.

Aforementioned colleague has recently moved into a new house. It’s all she has talked about recently in the office, fair enough it’s an exciting time but even so. She’s told us about the fact that her and her DH have only been able to buy this place because it is shared ownership. They’ve bought a 25% share and then pay a massively inflated rent to a housing association on the rest of it. As time goes on, they are able to eventually buy more shares if they wish. It’s a big new build - there is only her and the DH- and she has openly said that there is no way they will be able to afford it otherwise. A couple of us in the office had tried to convince her to perhaps look at a slightly smaller house that they would have been able to get a mortgage on the normal way but she had her heart set on the big new build. She referred to it as “Insta-worthy”, which made me and other colleagues eye roll! I even told her about a couple of people I’ve known in years gone by who have had lots of issues with shared ownership properties... I have a friend who lives in one and has to ask for permission from the housing association every time she does any work to it, I also know somebody else who ran into a load of financial difficulties when they wanted to sell their share. But she was adamant this is what she wanted.

I was having a browse of her Instagram earlier this evening. Many of you here may know that there is a big ‘New Home’ community on Instagram and she seems to have thrown herself into that. The issue I have is the blatant lying! She has been inundated With comments on how beautiful the house is, and have had people saying things like “you are so lucky, how on earth have you afforded this, I could ever dream of a house like this” etc etc and she has replied telling people all about how hard she and her DH have worked over the years and it took them a long long time to save up, and telling people about how DH has recently had a career change to a high-paying job which allowed them to buy the house - absolute lies - her DH is in and out of work as he can’t hold a job down!! Does warehouse work now and again.. She has quite openly told us all of this. (There is a group of us who have worked together for a long time so we all know each other well on a personal level). They got the 25% mortgage based on her salary alone.

Then she’s been doing all the humble-bragging of hashtag hardworkpaysoff, I haven’t got enough stuff to fill these huuuuge fitted wardrobes.. it’s really quite cringey!

She has even told us girls in the office that If anybody asks where she lives then she lies and tells them something else because it would give away the fact that they are in a shared ownership property if anyone knew the location!?

I feel so spiteful but the bragging and fibbing is just terrible on her Instagram, I have to work with this woman four days a week and she never stops talking about house stuff, should I just drop a cheeky comment on her Instagram, filling people in on the truth, or should I just stop looking at her page? 😂 honestly wind me up so much when people fabricate a completely different life online to what they actually live.

OP posts:
Lampzade · 04/01/2021 10:47

Btw Op, you sound thoroughly unpleasant.

JohnMiddleNameRedactedSwanson · 04/01/2021 10:47

@AgeLikeWine

This thread is the reason why anyone with any sense doesn’t use or engage with social media.
Posted on....social media. Grin
HmmSureJan · 04/01/2021 10:47

So it's ok to say it begins her back but not to her face.

Yes Smile

stackemhigh · 04/01/2021 10:48

@PattyPan

She wasn’t obliged to tell her colleagues the truth? I would disagree - we all have a social obligation not to lie, especially in the workplace hmm

We all lie, including you, perfect Patty.

finkking · 04/01/2021 10:48

No she isn't obligated to tell her colleagues the truth about her personal and financial life. How weird that anyone would think that.

Because it's weird to go around lying? Why would anyone think otherwise?

finkking · 04/01/2021 10:50

Fair enough! 😆

IndiaMay · 04/01/2021 10:53

I wouldnt say anything but unlike a lot of people here I do get why you're annoyed. Young, impressionable people are probably following her and thinking they are failing because they arent married to the perfect DH, dont have a high paying job, can't get a brand new house and its eating them up inside. There are plenty of people calling for photoshopping and airbrushing to be banned in order to preserve the mental and physical health of young people and I dont see airbrushing your life as any different. I'm 29 now and I understand the world a bit more but I used to soooo worry about where I had gone so wrong in my life that I couldnt afford a beautiful home like others around me at 25. Gradually I saw that what I was being shown (even by friends) wasn't the true story. Eg a friend bought a huge Victorian semi at 25 and I was so worried that I wasnt working hard enough as I had only managed a flat. I pushed myself so hard to do better and beat myself up. I was gutted that I'd got a good degree and worked hard and yet wasnt succeeding. A year or so ago I found out her dad gave her the deposit, he was obviously guilty he walked out on her as a baby and has had basically nothing to do with her. I'd rather my heavily involved father and my flat thanks! And my flat is fine. I realise that now. But as a young woman I didnt. In the same way teens look at airbrushed bodies and get eating disorders to look like models.

Janegrey333 · 04/01/2021 10:53

@Lampzade

Btw Op, you sound thoroughly unpleasant.
As do you for making that comment. Are you expecting applause?
EdwardCullensBiteOnTheSide · 04/01/2021 10:55

To be honest even if she was only renting the house it's still an achievement to live in a nice house? So I really don't get your gripe op tbh.

Janegrey333 · 04/01/2021 10:55

@RhubarbTea

She sounds insecure, and you sound like a horrible person. HTH.
Nasty Bingo time.
finkking · 04/01/2021 10:56

When I was reading the OP and cringing I could predict the responses. OP, have you spent any time on MN at all?!

If your baby "steals" some sweets from the supermarket your raising a criminal & you will likely put someone out if work & bring down a company. Debating about reporting a benefits cheat - mind your own business.

🤣🤣

finkking · 04/01/2021 10:57

Are you expecting applause?

Instagram likes probably #goals!

Lampzade · 04/01/2021 10:58

@IndiaMay

I wouldnt say anything but unlike a lot of people here I do get why you're annoyed. Young, impressionable people are probably following her and thinking they are failing because they arent married to the perfect DH, dont have a high paying job, can't get a brand new house and its eating them up inside. There are plenty of people calling for photoshopping and airbrushing to be banned in order to preserve the mental and physical health of young people and I dont see airbrushing your life as any different. I'm 29 now and I understand the world a bit more but I used to soooo worry about where I had gone so wrong in my life that I couldnt afford a beautiful home like others around me at 25. Gradually I saw that what I was being shown (even by friends) wasn't the true story. Eg a friend bought a huge Victorian semi at 25 and I was so worried that I wasnt working hard enough as I had only managed a flat. I pushed myself so hard to do better and beat myself up. I was gutted that I'd got a good degree and worked hard and yet wasnt succeeding. A year or so ago I found out her dad gave her the deposit, he was obviously guilty he walked out on her as a baby and has had basically nothing to do with her. I'd rather my heavily involved father and my flat thanks! And my flat is fine. I realise that now. But as a young woman I didnt. In the same way teens look at airbrushed bodies and get eating disorders to look like models.
I understand what you are saying. The ‘problem’ I have with the Op is that her post came across as quite nasty and vindictive. The Op is probably smiling in this woman’s face and then slagging her off behind her back.
namechangetheworld · 04/01/2021 11:00

Social media has a lot to answer for. No wonder so many people these days are suffering with mental health issues, trying to live up to these fantasy lifestyles.

I'm not on Instagram myself but have an ex colleague a bit like yours. Talked her reluctant DH into moving to an incredibly rough area so they afford a massive house, and now plasters her 'perfect' life all over Instagram. Lots of #countrywalks and #villagelife on the heavily filtered photos of her rough town that has a crime rate that's through the roof. It's all nonsense, and very cringeworthy.

Bluntness100 · 04/01/2021 11:01

This is envious and spiteful op. Why does she need to tell anyone she doesn’t wish to her financials. These clearly aren’t people she is close to.

You need to stop looking at her insta if it will just make you want to bring her down.

AgeLikeWine · 04/01/2021 11:02

Posted on....social media. Grin

Posted on..... an anonymous forum, on which I registered via a burner e-mail address used solely for that purpose and which is not linked to my real-life identity in any way. Hardly the same thing as Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat etc etc.

CakeRequired · 04/01/2021 11:02

Have to laugh when the immediate response to someone disagreeing with someone’s lying/bullshitting is “you must be jealous.” Jealous of what? Of a woman who’s up to her eyeballs in debt and is lying about it somewhere else?

Same. I think they must be living the same lifestyle, why else would their immediate reaction be 'you're jealous!'?

Oh yes, I'm so jealous that you pay out a ton more money than I do on your home and can't even afford it. I'm so jealous of all of the furniture that you bought on credit because you couldn't buy it outright and refused to buy cheaper furniture. I'm also highly jealous of you having a husband that constantly loses his job.

Really?! Hmm I think not... I'd rather have my smaller, affordable house, furniture that was second hand and cheaper, and a partner that isn't useless and can't hold down a job.

Just back away from her op and leave her to her mess. Never lend money again, it's her cock up, she can sink or swim. Her choices, her life.

PattyPan · 04/01/2021 11:02

@HmmSureJan

She wasn’t obliged to tell her colleagues the truth? I would disagree - we all have a social obligation not to lie, especially in the workplace

No she isn't obligated to tell her colleagues the truth about her personal and financial life. How weird that anyone would think that.

She’s not obligated to talk about her financial circumstances. If she does choose to, and lies about it, that’s weird!
Iknowwhatudidlastsummer · 04/01/2021 11:03

we all have a social obligation not to lie, especially in the workplace

HAHAHA

if we didn't all lie in the workplace, we'd end up with written warnings or just sacked.

You REALLY don't want your manager or colleagues to be brutally honest about you, trust me

If you want the truth? I am sure you are an hypocrite as you have to lie to be in a civilised society.

Iknowwhatudidlastsummer · 04/01/2021 11:06

I think they must be living the same lifestyle, why else would their immediate reaction be 'you're jealous!'?

clearly they are not - they might have similar income, but one has a big house and people gushing about it on social media.

Do you care about what house your own colleagues live in? I don't. Their bonuses and salary compared to mine, I do care. Their private life? no effect on my own.

PattyPan · 04/01/2021 11:10

[quote stackemhigh]@PattyPan

She wasn’t obliged to tell her colleagues the truth? I would disagree - we all have a social obligation not to lie, especially in the workplace hmm

We all lie, including you, perfect Patty.[/quote]
I have never claimed to be perfect but I do avoid lying where possible, like a normal person! Confused Telling a small white lie to avoid hurting someone’s feelings (e.g. I like your new haircut) is one thing. What OP’s friend (and apparently every other Instagram user) is doing is totally bizarre and perpetuates a culture that does hurt people.

AnneOfQueenSables · 04/01/2021 11:11

I don't think you should be on instagram. You seem to object to its very purpose. Grin If you think it's an accurate reflection of RL then you're wrong. I don't know how to break this to you but ... it's full of filters and edited photos and airbrushing and ... hardly anyone posts the bad or difficult parts of their lives. It's like flicking through a pretty catalogue.

Also, even owning a shared ownership house is an achievement. They still had to work and save, and they still need to pay for it. There are lots of issues with shared ownership properties but none of them negate the fact the owners worked and saved. And none of them make them unworthy of instagram photos.

SheldonesqueIsUnwell · 04/01/2021 11:13

I understand what you are saying. The ‘problem’ I have with the Op is that her post came across as quite nasty and vindictive.
The Op is probably smiling in this woman’s face and then slagging her off behind her back.

She might not be though...

And while you think she is nasty and vindictive, she is working with someone who is yapping shite at best and lying at worst on Instagram about how well she is doing and then going cap in hand for funds.

I say again that the OP should keep mute but I’d be looking at this colleague with a side eye from now on.

What she achieved in real life was good enough and she should have been proud enough of that.

She may now be contributing to other people’s insecurities because of her lies and that is nastier to me.

SheldonesqueIsUnwell · 04/01/2021 11:15

She’s not obligated to talk about her financial circumstances. If she does choose to, and lies about it, that’s weird!

That is my take on it too.

LouiseBelchersBunnyEars · 04/01/2021 11:18

I genuinely don’t get the problem.
It’s not like she s lying about where she lives.

She does live there.

She most probably did work hard to get where she is.

It’s not like she’s freeloading, the opposite actually. She’s paying above the odds.

So why do you care? Unless she’s telling people a fake amount she’s paying, I really don’t get it