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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to want to share the truth about Insta-bragger colleague

399 replies

Shr1881 · 04/01/2021 03:11

I have a very recently rejoined Instagram after a break. Starting to regret it now 🤦🏻‍♀️. I chose the option to add contacts from my Facebook and so this meant that I have followed the Instagram of a colleague, amongst others.

Aforementioned colleague has recently moved into a new house. It’s all she has talked about recently in the office, fair enough it’s an exciting time but even so. She’s told us about the fact that her and her DH have only been able to buy this place because it is shared ownership. They’ve bought a 25% share and then pay a massively inflated rent to a housing association on the rest of it. As time goes on, they are able to eventually buy more shares if they wish. It’s a big new build - there is only her and the DH- and she has openly said that there is no way they will be able to afford it otherwise. A couple of us in the office had tried to convince her to perhaps look at a slightly smaller house that they would have been able to get a mortgage on the normal way but she had her heart set on the big new build. She referred to it as “Insta-worthy”, which made me and other colleagues eye roll! I even told her about a couple of people I’ve known in years gone by who have had lots of issues with shared ownership properties... I have a friend who lives in one and has to ask for permission from the housing association every time she does any work to it, I also know somebody else who ran into a load of financial difficulties when they wanted to sell their share. But she was adamant this is what she wanted.

I was having a browse of her Instagram earlier this evening. Many of you here may know that there is a big ‘New Home’ community on Instagram and she seems to have thrown herself into that. The issue I have is the blatant lying! She has been inundated With comments on how beautiful the house is, and have had people saying things like “you are so lucky, how on earth have you afforded this, I could ever dream of a house like this” etc etc and she has replied telling people all about how hard she and her DH have worked over the years and it took them a long long time to save up, and telling people about how DH has recently had a career change to a high-paying job which allowed them to buy the house - absolute lies - her DH is in and out of work as he can’t hold a job down!! Does warehouse work now and again.. She has quite openly told us all of this. (There is a group of us who have worked together for a long time so we all know each other well on a personal level). They got the 25% mortgage based on her salary alone.

Then she’s been doing all the humble-bragging of hashtag hardworkpaysoff, I haven’t got enough stuff to fill these huuuuge fitted wardrobes.. it’s really quite cringey!

She has even told us girls in the office that If anybody asks where she lives then she lies and tells them something else because it would give away the fact that they are in a shared ownership property if anyone knew the location!?

I feel so spiteful but the bragging and fibbing is just terrible on her Instagram, I have to work with this woman four days a week and she never stops talking about house stuff, should I just drop a cheeky comment on her Instagram, filling people in on the truth, or should I just stop looking at her page? 😂 honestly wind me up so much when people fabricate a completely different life online to what they actually live.

OP posts:
PattyPan · 04/01/2021 11:19

@Iknowwhatudidlastsummer

we all have a social obligation not to lie, especially in the workplace

HAHAHA

if we didn't all lie in the workplace, we'd end up with written warnings or just sacked.

You REALLY don't want your manager or colleagues to be brutally honest about you, trust me

If you want the truth? I am sure you are an hypocrite as you have to lie to be in a civilised society.

We can be sacked for lying at work! Maybe it’s my industry (regulation) but it would be a huge no-no. At my workplace we have anonymous feedback as part of our year end reviews so that we can be honest. Negative feedback is usually more helpful so actually I would welcome people being brutally honest.
SheldonesqueIsUnwell · 04/01/2021 11:20

She didn’t lie about living in the house.

She lied about her husband having a high paying job though didn’t she?

finkking · 04/01/2021 11:21

I think Donald Trump is a lying bullshitting dick who shouldn't be on Twitter. He has more money & a bigger house than me. Am I jealous?

finkking · 04/01/2021 11:23

The Op is probably smiling in this woman’s face and then slagging her off behind her back.

But I thought that was ok?

LoveMyKidsAndCats · 04/01/2021 11:23

I know a few of these people OP. 'Oh look at my perfect life' when really they are in loads of debt and debating leaving their husband. Whatever makes their sad lives that bit easier is fine with me.

WhatKatyDidNxt · 04/01/2021 11:23

Naaah l would just sit back and wait. It sounds like the wheels will all off at some point anyway. She does sound like a nightmare (and a liar) so she’s riding for a fall

LaBellina · 04/01/2021 11:29

I would just laugh in my sleeve and focus on my life. Its rather pathetic what she's doing and I might share it with DH or a close friend but wouldn't think of 'outing' her on insta. If it really was bothering me, I'd just unfollow her but not create unneccesairy work drama. Don't shit where you eat Wink

Bythemillpond · 04/01/2021 11:32

It’s really annoying to see people deceiving others but it’s a lie that isn’t hurting anyone other than her

I would say she was hurting people by not being truthful.
People make decisions based on the information they have presented to them. If that information is false then how can people make decisions if they don’t have all the facts.
You could get people working stupid hours to save up to buy a place like she has and missing out on buying a place altogether.

badacorn · 04/01/2021 11:32

It’s a bit sad but just let her have her fantasy.

SouthDownsLass · 04/01/2021 11:33

Be kind. Give her her space to do what she enjoys. It's no harm to you, or anyone else.

If you can't deal with it, just unfollow her. End of (your) problem.

BlairWaldorfLovesShopping · 04/01/2021 11:33

Jesus Christ, these comments. The OP put a laughing face after the sentence about whether to out her or ignore her - it was clearly a joke! She just wanted a vent. I'd be annoyed too OP, if I'd lent someone like this money. But otherwise I'd just feel sorry for them and unfollow. She must be really insecure.

GeordieGreigsButtButtZoom · 04/01/2021 11:34

The OP put a laughing face after the sentence about whether to out her or ignore her - it was clearly a joke!

And if you believe that, you'll believe whatever you see on Instagram.

SouthDownsLass · 04/01/2021 11:36

@GeordieGreigsButtButtZoom

The OP put a laughing face after the sentence about whether to out her or ignore her - it was clearly a joke!

And if you believe that, you'll believe whatever you see on Instagram.

Ha ha, yes! The OP's post was so much a "joke" that it is one of the longer ones I have seen on here, giving us backstory, current story, work histories, rundown of OP's friend's life and finances, you name it.

Definitely a "joke"! Hmm

CakeRequired · 04/01/2021 11:37

clearly they are not - they might have similar income, but one has a big house and people gushing about it on social media.

Why are people on here getting so upset about a random person's thoughts though, if they aren't taking it as a personal issue? It's ops thoughts, several people agree wuth her that her colleague is nuts and is in for a serious wake up call one day.

Do you care about what house your own colleagues live in? I don't. Their bonuses and salary compared to mine, I do care. Their private life? no effect on my own.

I don't care about their private lives, pay, pension etc. I care about myself only to be honest and my family. If someone else wants to put themselves into massive debt, go right ahead, it doesn't bother or affect me. I think you're mad, but it's your life.

SmileyClare · 04/01/2021 11:38

an obligation not to lie in the workplace

Eh? She's not lying in the workplace. She told all her colleagues her insta is a load of bullshit and that her house is shared ownership, her husband is out of work etc. It seems silly to look at it when you know it's all exaggerated and "air brushed".

I don't particularly like some of the snobbery towards shared ownership.
If you have a mortgage, it's still technically shared ownership with your bank/mortgage provider. Fall behind on your mortgage and you'll soon find out who owns your house.

It's all a bit daft. She must know you are gossiping about her or laughing behind her back. Perhaps that's just as bad.

BunnyBoilerRhian · 04/01/2021 11:41

Tbh most profiles on Insta are bullshit.
The whole SM thing is everyone looking their best, achieving their best. Insta more so than other platforms.
That's what Insta is. A bragging platform essentially.
It might be a hone, a fitness regime, dog, travels, job but all these insta accounts are all screaming look at how marvellous I am, my house is, my dog is, my travels are etc etc.
You do realise that none if these accounts are 199% truthful. They all show the best side of everything with a spin???
I think you're not cut out for SM especially instagram if this winds you up so badly.

TheCrowsHaveEyes · 04/01/2021 11:46

She lied about her husband having a high paying job though didn’t she?
We don't know that she did. OP was snippy about the fact he floats from job to job but some short-term contracts are high paying.

Taylrse · 04/01/2021 11:46

I would just feel sorry for her. Other people will notice the lies even if they don't mention it.
She clearly needs some type of escape from reality and isn't harming anyone.

PattyPan · 04/01/2021 11:46

@SmileyClare I know. That was in response to a poster who praised her for telling the truth at work when she didn’t have to. My point was that not lying at work should be the default!

Iknowwhatudidlastsummer · 04/01/2021 11:48

We can be sacked for lying at work! Maybe it’s my industry (regulation) but it would be a huge no-no.

depends what you are lying about! Obviously exams et experience are a no-no, but what you disclose to HR about your personal circumstances is one thing, your private life to your colleagues another entirely!

Being honest about your feelings and view is absolutely a no no. It's work, you need to stay professional and civilised at all time. It's the opposite of being honest.

No one cares if you are honest about your holiday or the content of your breakfast, or the type of property you live in.

Iknowwhatudidlastsummer · 04/01/2021 11:50

My point was that not lying at work should be the default!

I am not sure why anyone feels the need to discuss personal details at work, but it's more than fine to lie especially when you play things DOWN.

Faking enthusiasm about being there in the first place, and faking respect and interest faced to absolute idiots is the default in the work place.

SheldonesqueIsUnwell · 04/01/2021 11:50

We don't know that she did. OP was snippy about the fact he floats from job to job but some short-term contracts are high paying

Fair enough. Still went to the colleague for money though so they didn’t hold onto all that highly paid wage for long 🤷‍♀️

BlairWaldorfLovesShopping · 04/01/2021 11:54

@SouthDownsLass no I didn't say the whole post was clearly a joke. Just the part where the OP asked whether she should out her colleague. Hmm

Wherrsmaclickypen · 04/01/2021 11:55

The merits and demerits of leading an 'insta-life' aside, if the insta lady or any of her friends are on here, your work (rightly or wrongly) is done as your post is very specific and outing. I would be pretty hurt if a workplace colleague complained about me on social media in this, about a non-workplace issue, rather than respecting my private life and/or keeping their views to themselves. A more mature and kind response, if she really was impacting the workplace with her endless fantasy home chat as you suggest, would have been to take her aside and gently suggest a dial down, woth no reference to the insta which you have chosen to see and continue to follow which in itself, while you are entitled to do so, feels equally inappropriate.

grapewine · 04/01/2021 11:56

Instagram is bs. I don't know how you're surprised. Just step back and stop consoling her or whatever. Stop getting involved. You sound mean.

What did you want from this thread?