Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to eat as a family?

208 replies

Rose789 · 03/01/2021 18:48

Dh has again said how much he prefers eating later then we currently we do and thinks it’s silly that we all sit down for tea the minute he walks in the door. We have two kids aged 5 and almost 2.
Dp finishes work at 4.45 and works 10 minutes from home. I work 7-3.15 from home. I pick the kids up from school and nursery at 3.30 and 3.45 home for 4. Cook tea and me and the kids are normally starving by 5pm when he gets in.
He would prefer to relax and unwind and then have tea around 7pm. I think it’s so important to sit down as a family together and honestly mealtimes are my favourite time of the day when we are all together and get to talk about our day. It helps the kids try new food, helps table manners and conversation skills.
Dh would happy to join us at the table and then just eat his meal reheated later on. But it just seems anti social to me.
One day a week the kids have an easy tea- beans on toast or something similar when I go to my dads. I grab something later and dh sorts out his once the kids are in bed. I hate it and miss the family time, Dh loves it.
Do you sit together as a family for mealtimes?
Thoughts are most welcome

YABU- eating together doesn’t matter
YANBU- family meals are important

OP posts:
inappropriateraspberry · 04/01/2021 08:26

My children are the same age. They eat at 5, then we eat later around 7. They're too young to wait longer, and get grumpy and tired.
When the children are older, we will eat together at 7.
At the weekends, and other odd days we do all eat together a bit earlier. Yesterday we had a roast at 5, the day before we all ate at 6.
5 is very early for adults to eat. Could you sit with them and have a snack to see you through to a later meal?

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 04/01/2021 09:01

Yanbu but it doesn't need to be every night OP.

We make sure we (or I at least) eat 3 or 4 meals with the kids each week- we both eat with them on weekends. I dont mind eating earlier as I like the "8 hour" type diet. It doesnt suit DH as well so we dont do it every day, but on weekends he happily skips breakfast, eats brunch at 11.30 when ours eat lunch, and is happy to have a meal at 5pm.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 04/01/2021 09:05

People who are giving toddlers dinner at 6.30, do you mind me asking what time your other meals are, and what time your children go to bed?

Mine wake at 6.30am. They need breakfast by 8am (even having milk on waking) and it can't be any later or the eldest would be late for preschool.They have lunch at 12, then the youngest naps, if we leave it any later she is too tired to eat. They have tea at 5pm, they get too hungry and tired to wait any longer.

If I put mine to bed any later than 7.15/7.30 they still wake at 6.30 but are simply tired, grumpy and badly behaved.

I'm always amazed by anyone who can give a 3 year old dinner at 6.30pm!

OneWildNightWithJBJ · 04/01/2021 09:06

I'm confused as to why people think it's strange to eat at 7pm... Before having kids, I was working in central London, would finish at 5pm (some jobs were 5.30 or 6pm), so by the time I got home, had a shower and cooked dinner, we would be eating at around 7.30, sometimes closer to 8pm.

Too late for children to eat at that time every day (although I believe it's quite normal in mainland Europe...??), so I feel pretty lucky I work much nearer home now and can cook for 6 - 6.30ish.

knittingaddict · 04/01/2021 09:18

I'm wuth your husband. My husband has akways had a long commute and never gotback from work until 7pm. We always ate together after the children went to bed and I think it was a good thing for our relationship. I hated eating at the children's meal time too. If I was your husband i wouldn't want to eat the minute I get through the door. Sorry op.

knittingaddict · 04/01/2021 09:19

Crikey. On my phone and that post is an embarrassment. Apologies for the typos.

knittingaddict · 04/01/2021 09:21

Also we eat at 8pm, so we are terrible human beings, obviously.

NoPinkPlease · 04/01/2021 09:29

Can you eat breakfast or lunch together - at weekends if not other times? Then you get some of the lovely family chat stuff but during the week you do what's practical for now?

MrsJBaptiste · 04/01/2021 09:32

If you're having your dinner at 7pm or later, what time are you all going to bed?!

@FabulousIAm We eat at 7ish, kids go to bed at 9.30 & 10.30 and we go at 11ish.

DH sometimes eats at 7.30 then goes to bed at 8pm if he's on an early the next day! Luckily we all have no problem with eating then lying down half an hour later Grin

emilyfrost · 04/01/2021 09:34

YABVU. You shouldn’t be trying to control when he wants to eat, especially when he’s happy to sit at the table as it is.

5pm is very early for an adult, and if you really can’t wait you should have a snack with the kids.

Aprilx · 04/01/2021 09:39

YABU. Not many grown ups want to eat the minute they get through the door nor require dinner at 5pm. You are unusual if you are starving by that time. If he is happy to join you at the table but eat later, I think he has made a reasonable compromise and you are being controlling in trying to tell another adult when they should eat.
.

1stTimeMama · 04/01/2021 09:51

I've not read all the replies, but we all sit down together to eat tea every day, and generally it's between 5-5:30.
My husband would hate to eat later than that, and you'd think the children haven't eaten all day with the way they are 'starving by the time it's nearly teatime!
I'm surprised to see so many think it's really early, I always thought my friend who fed her children first, then ate later with her husband was unusual, but apparently it's us that is!

unmarkedbythat · 04/01/2021 09:55

How is anyone having their dinner at 7pm unless it's the weekend and you're out for a meal without the kids? You're in bed a couple or a few hours later, surely?

If I finish work at 5.30 (ha, ha, imagine actually getting to leave on time) and get home at 6.30, how is 7pm not an entirely normal time for tea? 7pm would be early for me tbh, I'm often not even home.

knittingaddict · 04/01/2021 09:56

I've just voted on your poll op and I think it's a bit manipulative. Your situation isn't really about the importance of family meals and is more about whether it's ok to make your husband eat at an early time as soon as he walks through the door.

I think family meals are important in principle, but not every meal and not if one adult in the family were prefer a bit of negotiation on the issue.

I happen to think that having adult meals with your partner/spouse are as important as family meals.

I agree with your husband, but neither option on your poll covers what I feel. I clicked on YABU - eating together doesn't matter, but that isn't the whole picture. It's just the closest to my opinion on your problem. You've made the options skewed to your viewpoint and I don't like that.

Mischance · 04/01/2021 09:58

Feed the little ones, then share a meal with OH later. You can do the family meal thing (which I agree is important) at the weekends - it then becomes a treat and a lovely family ritual.

Bluntness100 · 04/01/2021 10:30

I think you asked the wrong question. Of course family meals are important, it’s a great example to set the kids, but you’re unreasonable to have them at five every day. That’s not fair on your husband. Have them at least five thirty or close to six.

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 04/01/2021 10:33

The children are just too young for family dinners yet.

Your DH has offered a perfectly good compromise. He's happy to sit with you all, he just wants to eat later. I think YABVVU.

Family meals will automatically evolve to a later time as children get older.

Your DH can help children eat their dinner now - They won't even remember any of this in 5 years time Confused

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 04/01/2021 11:03

Also don't want to be snacking just for the sake of it. I hate snacking; 3 meals a day are perfect for me. I don't want anything in between and definitely don't want supper - I'd put in a ton of weight if I did that!

Eating is such a personal thing - you really shouldn't force anyone to eat food they don't want at a time that isn't comfortable for them.

honeylulu · 04/01/2021 11:24

5pm is the afternoon for me! I'm working (wfh at the moment) until 7pm at least. If I was ordered down to eat a meal at 5pm it would not only be inconvenient, but I wouldn't be hungry and I'd feel like a big toddler!

Our kids eat late-ish with us at weekends and have a separate supper a bit earlier in the week (though not back from childminder until after 6 - they have an after school snack there at 4pm). The world still turns.

Atrixie · 04/01/2021 11:25

which adults eats at 5pm, it's the middle of the afternoon.

Norwayreally · 04/01/2021 11:29

5 is too early for me to eat, I’d be starving by bedtime.

There’s nothing to stop your DH sitting at the table with you at 5pm, he could perhaps have a light snack.

NataliaOsipova · 04/01/2021 11:40

What do you mean "that's not fair" , Natalia ? confused

I said “No, that’s fair” - which is the opposite of “That’s not fair”. (Thanks @Wheresmykimchi!)

Whoopsies · 04/01/2021 12:05

We all eat together at 5pm, but it works well for us and everyone is happy about it. We don't get hungry again and I love eating all together at the table. But, if one of us didn't like it I wouldn't force it.

HikeForward · 04/01/2021 13:08

I’d let him eat later! He could always sit at the table with a cup of tea while you and the kids eat.

Eating at 5pm is a bit odd for an adult unless you go to bed at 9pm or earlier.

Maybe have a snack, feed the kids then eat with your DH later? Or let him eat alone, maybe he wants to unwind for a bit after work, family aren’t exactly relaxing! I’d hate to get in from work and be told to sit at the table and eat.

sbhydrogen · 04/01/2021 13:36

How is anyone having their dinner at 7pm unless it's the weekend and you're out for a meal without the kids? You're in bed a couple or a few hours later, surely?

Lol 😆 We have dinner with our one year old at seven, and we go to bed at midnight. Baby is usually in bed around 8:15pm.