Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to eat as a family?

208 replies

Rose789 · 03/01/2021 18:48

Dh has again said how much he prefers eating later then we currently we do and thinks it’s silly that we all sit down for tea the minute he walks in the door. We have two kids aged 5 and almost 2.
Dp finishes work at 4.45 and works 10 minutes from home. I work 7-3.15 from home. I pick the kids up from school and nursery at 3.30 and 3.45 home for 4. Cook tea and me and the kids are normally starving by 5pm when he gets in.
He would prefer to relax and unwind and then have tea around 7pm. I think it’s so important to sit down as a family together and honestly mealtimes are my favourite time of the day when we are all together and get to talk about our day. It helps the kids try new food, helps table manners and conversation skills.
Dh would happy to join us at the table and then just eat his meal reheated later on. But it just seems anti social to me.
One day a week the kids have an easy tea- beans on toast or something similar when I go to my dads. I grab something later and dh sorts out his once the kids are in bed. I hate it and miss the family time, Dh loves it.
Do you sit together as a family for mealtimes?
Thoughts are most welcome

YABU- eating together doesn’t matter
YANBU- family meals are important

OP posts:
Santaisironingwrappingpaper · 03/01/2021 19:00

My younger dc eat while we chat /busy in the kitchen - usually have a cuppa /bit of toast while they have a meal. . We eat later with the older dc..
All eat together week ends and other times but not every day.

WonderingFree · 03/01/2021 19:00

Why don’t you have a family meal day - Sat or Sunday? 5pm is very early.

Indecisive12 · 03/01/2021 19:00

Forgot to add we always eat together as a family at the table which I think is really beneficial. But not at 5.

mbosnz · 03/01/2021 19:00

Neither of us were in to eating at that time, so I fed the girls, sitting with them, and chatting with them, reading poetry to them (it covers the eating noises, okay?!), and we ate later.

Now we eat as a family and love it. Have for quite some time, when it suited everybody's circadian rythyms (really can't spell that word), and timetable. Okay, not at the table.

StylishMummy · 03/01/2021 19:00

We eat as a family around 6pm with a 4 year old and a 3 year old. Dinner takes half an hour, then an hour to wind down and shower/bath/story. Would 6pm be a compromise?

riotlady · 03/01/2021 19:01

I do understand wanting to eat together but I couldn’t eat my dinner at 5pm, sorry.

Peanutbutteryogurt · 03/01/2021 19:02

5 is very early for an adult to eat dinner. we eat together and I do think it's important, but we eat at 6 then 2 year old DD is in the bath at 7

Indecisive12 · 03/01/2021 19:02

A 6pm mealtime still allows them to be in bed for 7.30 even with a bath and stories.

1Morewineplease · 03/01/2021 19:03

Just let him sit with you all then let him eat his food when it suits him.
I'd hate to be forced to eat a full dinner when my body says no.

AIMD · 03/01/2021 19:04

I think there’s a balance to be had. Maybe eat with the kids most nights but then eat separately, later, 2 nights a week.

I don’t particularly like eating as early as we do but have the same issue that if dinner was later then it would impact on bedtime (and no way I’m messing about with bedtime). I personally value eating together at dinner time. I didn’t do that growing up really as we ate on our low in front of the TV, and I was always jealous of families that are together. I think it sets a nice habit for when the children grow older.

VestaTilley · 03/01/2021 19:05

YANBU- I eat with DS after he gets in from nursery every day and DH eats with us most nights depending on his trains (less of an issue at the moment with working from home) - weekends and holidays we eat every meal together at the table. DS is 20 months.

It means we eat lunch and dinner earlier than we would ordinarily do, but we do it because we enjoy family mealtimes and want to set that behaviour now/teach DS table manners and the importance of family time with no TV on etc.

I don’t blame your DH for not necessarily being keen to eat at 5pm; could he just join you and maybe drink a mug of tea or have a piece of toast if he wants to eat later? That way he will at least still join you.

Personally I think he should compromise: he should join you for every evening meal when he’s home and actually eat what you eat at the same time 2/3 times a week to show the DCs he likes to eat with them. Then the rest of the week he can eat later.

Increasingly fewer families do this and I think it’s a real shame. Kids spending hours alone in their rooms etc and eating in front of the TV, then parents wonder why they barely know who their children are when they hit teenage-hood.

DH and I both work, though this is obviously easier to facilitate while we’re both WFH.

AIMD · 03/01/2021 19:05

Just to add I tend to have a small portion at dinner and have a healthy snack later (around 7).

Yesmate · 03/01/2021 19:06

Me and my DS eat together at 5 every night. It took some getting used to but I wouldn’t have it any other way now. We both love it.

SlippersForFlippers · 03/01/2021 19:08

I wouldn't generally have lunch til 1pm so 5pm for tea would be too early for me.

nosswith · 03/01/2021 19:11

My mum was always one for meals no later than about 5.45. Still is and indeed becomes agitated and grumpy if it goes much beyond six, and prefers it to be the larger main meal of the day.

I think you should try a later meal for the children, and regardless, all sit around the table together.

babba2014 · 03/01/2021 19:12

I don't think either of you are wrong but this is a case of adapting to your current situation. I would fully expect my 2 year old to want dinner at 5. Bedtime is not exactly 10pm for them.
But I also can imagine why your husband is not hungry at that time. It seems like a big rush as soon as he enters. 7pm is the kind of dinner time for us too. When we had children I changed mine to 6 with theirs latest as that's when they were hungry.
When my husband is off work he can adjust to that otherwise I wouldn't expect him to be hungry although of course it would be lovely. He would help feed the children, tidy etc though.

BringMeThatHorizon · 03/01/2021 19:13

On weekdays DS eats earlier than us - usually around 5/5.30. He's just turned two. DH and I eat later once he's in bed.

On weekends DH and I tend to have a big/later breakfast and then eat a big dinner altogether as a family.

Could you make weekends for family eating and then work up to eating together on weekdays once the kids are a bit older?

NoNarniaBecauseLipstick · 03/01/2021 19:14

My daughter is 2. We all eat together at 6 and she goes to bed at 7.

MsChatterbox · 03/01/2021 19:14

Everyone saying 5pm is early we eat at 4pm in this house 🤣. Can dh not just have a smaller portion and eat it slowly when he gets in so he's faking having dinner?

Charlie63849 · 03/01/2021 19:15

I’d hate to have to eat nearly every night by 5.
I think it’s important to eat together sometimes but I don’t think it has to be 6/7 nights a week just because it’s your preference and you miss it. That’s your problem.

helloxhristmas · 03/01/2021 19:16

We only ate together at Sunday lunch until the kids were old enough to eat at 630/7ish. I don't want to eat at five and I was in the office until 639 pre Covid anyway. I certainly don't want to walk straight in and have to eat with kids.

Mochatatts · 03/01/2021 19:16

Tea time for me has always been around 5.30pm. When my two were small they had a snack after school/nursery and we all ate shortly after their dad walked through the door from work. It was the one time we were all together and could chat about our days. It allowed us to teach table manners and appropriate social behaviour. We could also set a good example of healthy eating. Kids are 12 and 9 now and meal times are a breeze though currently we don't have a table and meals have got a little later when needed. In contrast my OHs kids 9 and 10 have only learnt to use cutlery in the last 6 months having lived on a diet of nuggets, waffles and other frozen rubbish that they get the second they walk in from school. Their table manners are non existent and they're ridiculously fussy. Do what's best for the children. They should be the priority, your OH can warm his own tea up when he's ready. When they're a bit older tea time can be moved a bit later. Meals with little ones can take a while. Almost an hour some nights with OHs kids 🙄

MoneySuperMeerkat · 03/01/2021 19:17

We all eat at 6 (later on weekends) - kids have a snack after school to keep them going.

They go up for a bath at 5pm and have dinner in their PJs (with a bib for the youngest) so even if they eat mega slow they could be in bed by half seven.

CookPassBabtridge · 03/01/2021 19:17

No we eat seperately, I don't wanna talk while eating anyway!

Original poster
Rose789 · 03/01/2021 19:19

Some really interesting thoughts thank you.
I eat breakfast at 6.15 and lunch at 11.30 (lunch breaks are set by work) so by 5pm I’m ready for tea. But dh eats breakfast at 8, and lunch at 1pm. I think I’ve definitely got to be more flexible then I have been. We’ll talk it through tonight and see what we can do.

OP posts: