To want to eat as a family?

[Rose789]

Dh has again said how much he prefers eating later then we currently we do and thinks it’s silly that we all sit down for tea the minute he walks in the door. We have two kids aged 5 and almost 2.
Dp finishes work at 4.45 and works 10 minutes from home. I work 7-3.15 from home. I pick the kids up from school and nursery at 3.30 and 3.45 home for 4. Cook tea and me and the kids are normally starving by 5pm when he gets in.
He would prefer to relax and unwind and then have tea around 7pm. I think it’s so important to sit down as a family together and honestly mealtimes are my favourite time of the day when we are all together and get to talk about our day. It helps the kids try new food, helps table manners and conversation skills.
Dh would happy to join us at the table and then just eat his meal reheated later on. But it just seems anti social to me.
One day a week the kids have an easy tea- beans on toast or something similar when I go to my dads. I grab something later and dh sorts out his once the kids are in bed. I hate it and miss the family time, Dh loves it.
Do you sit together as a family for mealtimes?
Thoughts are most welcome

YABU- eating together doesn’t matter
YANBU- family meals are important

I've posted on this topic before

Personally not important to me to eat together and I didn't enjoy it as a child

I did sometimes enjoy it as a teenager but children aren't always great at mealtimes and although I agree table manners are important when it's everyday at home and they are little I would rather them be happy than constantly told off for not eating 'properly' or ruining adult conversations

Have dinner later at around 6.

Me and da have a snack around 3.30 then we eat together around 5.30

Ds

Used to be breakfast at 6-7 a.m lunch always at 12 and then last meal 5-6pm in my house roughly 5 hours between meals ..fruit always to be had when hungry between...until they became teenagers if he's ok to just sit with them while they eat and chat etc then he can eat later...it's the social bit that's the important bit

I wouldn’t want to eat at 5 either. Your DH has proposed a totally reasonable solution.

None of my kids did either. We ate at 6 even when they went to bed at 7, all of us together. I just did an efficient bedtime.

I think you’re going to have to compromise and put the children to bed later if eating together is so important to you now.

I agree that the family eating together is a nice thing to aim for, and there is research that shows that is important in all sorts of ways.

But I think that becomes more realistic and also more relevant when they’re a few years older and can join in discussions etc

Just let him sit at the table with you and not eat, he can have something small or a cup of tea or something. 5pm is far too early to eat a full dinner. Do you not think so, too? Or are you just used to eating early? I totally understand the importance of family meal time but I definitely need time to unwind first !

It’s fair enough that your DP wants to eat later as long as he sits at the table and joins there’s no issue

5pm far too early for adult tea, IMO. We’ve only started regularly eating evening meals together as a family since the youngest started school, and even then it’s touch and go. 6:30 is the earliest I want to eat and that’s sometimes too late for the youngest child if they are particularly knackered.

If I'm honest I always have tea done for 5 even my DSS who have moved out always turn up (most days they come from work) so their sat at my table for 5 were always starving to but If their not sat by 5 they don't get fed (not sat on phones , gaming or doing something unimportant (work, school clubs etc don't count before everyone rages at me haha but That's our rules!
Our youngest is 1,3,4,9,11,16,20.
But if he isn't hungry he doesn't have to eat Aslong as he is willing to sit their with you all that should be enough ?
I don't often eat at the table as I'm feedin baby and sorting the other kids so il only eat once their in bed !
We have a very big and full table and it's great - no one is left out if OH is at work he will just have his when he gets in!

YANBU to think family meals are important
YABU to insist on eating at 5pm. That is incredibly early.

Compromise to eat later, say 6 or 6:30 and move their bedtime. Even when mine were newborns, their bedtime was never earlier than 8pm. By nursery/school age bedtime was 9pm. I was always baffled by parents complaining about their children being up at 5-6am when they had these ridiculously early 6:30/7pm bedtimes.

5pm is really early. Give the kids a snack and have dinner later.
I usually pick DS (4) up from nursery at 5pm. He gets a pretzel or some fruit to eat in the car. We are then home and ready for dinner at about 6pm/6.30pm. It's perfectly fine..although, yes, he's in bed later. He's never been in bed by 7.30pm, though. He tends to have a power nap in the car on the way home.

You are being unreasonable - 5 pm is far too early for most people

Yeah I’m with him. 5pm is way too early is be starving later on if I ate then. I normally eat at 7ish

5 is fine. Maybe he could watch you and the kids eat

That's way too early to eat. 5pm dinner then nothing until breakfast at what? 7am?

Give the children their meal and he can have a cup of tea and a chat with them about their day, and you two eat later. That's what a lot of people do

We eat at 5pm with young DC because we like to eat together. You get used to the timing - I’m rarely hungry again later on. The other benefit is that your evening isn’t taken up by cooking for two and you can relax once the children are in bed.

I agree that eating together is important but 5pm is early for adults to eat and I wouldn't want my dinner at that time.

We had quite a few years when DC ate around 5:30pm - usually a sandwich/soup/beans on toast type meal as they had a hot meal at school (although I realise that's a whole other MN debate). DH and I would eat around 8ish after bath and bedtimes. At weekends we all ate together.

Now that DC are older we do all eat together again around 7:30pm - often after homework and sport/activities.

This comes up every now and then on MN, and I think you get a somewhat skewed view, as the demograph of MN doesn't tend to include many builders, binmen and labourers who start work early and finish work relatively early (due to the dark). It is more swayed to being London centric and people having a longer commute and not being used to sitting down to their evening meal until much later.
The "right time" to eat your evening meal is the time you are used to, as your body clock adjusts. Yes, if you are used to eating at 8.30 then you won't be ready at 5 / 5.30, but if you usually eat at 5/5.30 then the idea of waiting until 8.30 is torture.
Neither is wrong though.
It seems to me, as you are both home in time to have cooked and to be able to eat early, (and you have your breakfast , and therefore lunch early), then 5/5.30 sounds ideal.
When ours were little, we would eat at 5.30. As the dc get a bit older, it is a habit that really helps as they go out to Brownies / Cubs /Karate / Football / drama / whatever they do for 6 or 6.30 or 7pm starts. (Same for us, in terms of our own activities / volunteering / hobbies / meetings).
I think eating together as a family is a really, really positive habit to build. I realise some people aren't home in time to do that, but, if you can, it would seem really negative, to me, not to do so.

I like to be with the kids when they eat but I don't like to eat with them. I have anxiety and fuss and noise while I'm eating triggers a strange anxiety symptom I have relating to swallowing so I just don't enjoy it.

I still spend time with them and we also do other things apart from eat all as a family. I don't personally see the huge deal about eating all meals as a family especially when they are tiny and tend to have early dinner times!

I wouldn't be shoe horning your DH into this as a compromise is perfectly reasonable. I think it would be far too controlling to insist he eat when you want him to rather than he wants to.

I’ve always eaten early growing up and now I’m working at home we eat at 5. I don’t need any more food later on. I think it’s reasonable you all eat together at 5.

6&3 and we eat at 5:30 but I'd be ok with DH sitting with us and eating later.

I don't like to eat late though as I practice intermitten fasting and feel bloated and gross if I eat late. There's nothing at all wrong with going 12 hours or more without food unless you have a health condition that dictates otherwise.

So our routine is DCs dinner, then once they've eaten I eat my dinner in peace, then we begin winding down for bed time. Getting them into certain routines or eating times is a non issue if you are still sitting with them because you can all sit at the table regardless of who is eating and who is not.

I voted YANBU because I love family dinner and we eat together every night. But 5pm is so early. We eat at 6 (although this is still just as I get in from work) which works well for our family. The toddler gets a late afternoon snack at nursery and big kids grab some fruit when they get home from school.