To want to eat as a family?

[Rose789]

Dh has again said how much he prefers eating later then we currently we do and thinks it’s silly that we all sit down for tea the minute he walks in the door. We have two kids aged 5 and almost 2.
Dp finishes work at 4.45 and works 10 minutes from home. I work 7-3.15 from home. I pick the kids up from school and nursery at 3.30 and 3.45 home for 4. Cook tea and me and the kids are normally starving by 5pm when he gets in.
He would prefer to relax and unwind and then have tea around 7pm. I think it’s so important to sit down as a family together and honestly mealtimes are my favourite time of the day when we are all together and get to talk about our day. It helps the kids try new food, helps table manners and conversation skills.
Dh would happy to join us at the table and then just eat his meal reheated later on. But it just seems anti social to me.
One day a week the kids have an easy tea- beans on toast or something similar when I go to my dads. I grab something later and dh sorts out his once the kids are in bed. I hate it and miss the family time, Dh loves it.
Do you sit together as a family for mealtimes?
Thoughts are most welcome

YABU- eating together doesn’t matter
YANBU- family meals are important

Family meal times are important. But 5pm is too early and I would want time between getting in from work and sitting down to eat dinner. Make dinner time at 5:45 then there is 45 mins before earliest bed time

We eat at 6 and DS goes up to bed at 6:50 (he is 3.5). We're normally done eating by 6:30.

You don't get to dictate his hunger. He's said he'll sit at the table and have it reheated later in. Stop being so controlling !

@Londonmummy66

Why cant you and DH have a snack whilst the DC eat ( something like veg sticks so they aren't hassling for biscuits) and then you and DH eat at a sensible time?

Yes agree with this comment. Like pre drinks.

Well - I don't think you are unreasonable for wanting to all to eat together but 5 - 5.30 pm is way too early for me & Dh & to be honest if I had just walked in from work - to get dinner 10 mins later would be uncomfortable . So as others have said - sit down with DCs - you could have a snack with them & maybe DH a cup of tea or a drink - whatever - have yours ( you and DH) later and then when they get a bit older have your evening meal together.

I voted that family meal times are important because we are a big food family! Meals are always a feast here even during the week, but we never ever eat before 6 and rarely before 7. Our dc are older than yours though, teens and a 9 year old who goes to be around 9 on a school night.
When the dc were younger, they ate before us during the week but either dh or I would sit with them and encourage them to use good table manners etc and at the weekends we would go out to lunch together or eat lunch together so they were used to eating with us too. But bloody hell if I ate my dinner at 5 I’d want to eat again before bed!
I’d be tempted to give a snack and then a dinner at a compromised time of 6. I can understand your dhs point of view, I didn’t want to eat with my dc when they were having dinner at 6 when they were little.
Weekends we often eat at 9!

Wow, you're lucky that you're both home from work so early!

We always ate together when our two were little but at 5.30pm. Still far too early really but we wanted to sit together as a family and eating that early meant we could have tea and biscuits later 👍

Compromise. Dinner at 6pm.

Can't you just eat at 5.30 but DH have a snack instead. I wouldn't eat at 5 everyday. Maybe twice a week as a compromise

Healthy snack after school and dinner at 6.30-7pm. Simple.

I agree it's very important to eat together as a family.

We’ve always eaten at 6 as a kind of compromise. Although I do find the kids bedtime routine (well the younger one who is 6) works better if we go to 5.30.

I’d try giving them a snack when they get in and then eating at more like 6/6.30 all together, as pps have suggested. However, one day a week not eating together is hardly a terrible thing.

When we stay with my parents my dad always insists we eat at his normal time of 7, and it’s really hard for the kids, especially as he always questions why people want a mid afternoon snack. It’s annoying as the reason he wants it is so as to be able to drink beer for an hour first... It’s their house (but my mum doesn’t agree with him about doing this when they have visitors so it’s tricky!) so their rules, but just to say I agree 7 is too late.

I think you are being very unreasonable, sorry. You've said that "Dh would happy to join us at the table and then just eat his meal reheated later on". If he has offered for you to all sit down together then do that and he can eat later on. 5pm would be too early for most adults to have their evening meal.

I think it's too late for the DC to eat and too early for your DH, so I would eat together at weekends and not during the week.

@unmarkedbythat

I think yabu, especially as you say Dh would happy to join us at the table and then just eat his meal reheated later on. But it just seems anti social to me.

YABVU. He is giving you "family time" before he even gets a chance to unwind and you are insisting he MUST EAT!!!! You seem like a lot of hard work to me.

Eating as a family is important but surely not at those young ages? That comes later when they are able to join you for a normal dinner time. I can't imagine having dinner at 5pm with a 2 year old

How about you feed the dc at 5 as usual but you and DH have a salad with them. Then you eat dinner after they are in bed and have some couple time. That way you can model eating vegetables for them, talk as a family, but your DH doesnt have to have his main meal until later

Compromise

I really don't like the suggestions on threads like these for kids to eat earlier and you eat later. I don't know why I just don't.
But I can see DHs point.

Could u compromise and do it his way 3 nights and your way for 4 or something. I don't really see why it has to be one of the other.

We eat breakfast/lunch and dinner all together at weekends. Dh and I eat our dinner at 8 after the boys are in bed. We always sit down with them when they eat though. I wouldn’t want to eat at 5 either. I think you can compromise and do meal times together Fri/Sat/Sun then eat just you and dh mon-Thurs? It’s the highlight of my day to sit down with dh dh dinner and both boys are upstairs and it’s all clean, tidy and relaxed.

I too feel that family meal times are important. We don't have much time as a family as my husband and I work opposite shifts so meal time is the one time we all get together

I do think your being unreasonable not letting him eat his dinner later though. Its not up to you to tell him when to eat. He is happy to join you, just not have his dinner yet. I think that's a fair compromise

I’d think it too early for supper too. I think for such little ones a high tea further week would be better with family supper at the weekends, perhaps.

Well I’m clearly in the minority

We have our dinner all together at 5 / 5.30pm. I love it. Wouldn’t want to be cooking twice either. Sod that for a game of soldiers.

Mind you we all eat breakfast at 6am, lunch at 12 noon and DH and I are in bed by 10pm. It works for us!

But it doesn’t sound like it works for your DH, OP. I’d do exactly what you’re already doing just save DH his on a plate to reheat later when he is hungry! He can have a cuppa while you all eat yours (and maybe weekends
Have a rule of all eat together for dinner).

I agree that family meal times are important and would hate not to have dinner together with my kids and DH. But I'd hate dinner at 5pm every day too. 6pm however is a good compromise as it's still early (good for the kids, better for health) but not ridiculously so. Discuss a compromise! :)

Your voting poll and questions are two distinct issues. I quite agree eating together as a family is important but forcing your husband to eat so early is utterly ridiculous. You either need to compromise and move your dinner time or have later adult meals only a few times a week and a few family meals.