To want to eat as a family?

[Rose789]

Dh has again said how much he prefers eating later then we currently we do and thinks it’s silly that we all sit down for tea the minute he walks in the door. We have two kids aged 5 and almost 2.
Dp finishes work at 4.45 and works 10 minutes from home. I work 7-3.15 from home. I pick the kids up from school and nursery at 3.30 and 3.45 home for 4. Cook tea and me and the kids are normally starving by 5pm when he gets in.
He would prefer to relax and unwind and then have tea around 7pm. I think it’s so important to sit down as a family together and honestly mealtimes are my favourite time of the day when we are all together and get to talk about our day. It helps the kids try new food, helps table manners and conversation skills.
Dh would happy to join us at the table and then just eat his meal reheated later on. But it just seems anti social to me.
One day a week the kids have an easy tea- beans on toast or something similar when I go to my dads. I grab something later and dh sorts out his once the kids are in bed. I hate it and miss the family time, Dh loves it.
Do you sit together as a family for mealtimes?
Thoughts are most welcome

YABU- eating together doesn’t matter
YANBU- family meals are important

We prefer eating after our 4 yo DD is in bed. She eats around 6-6.30pm, bed around 8ish and then dinner around 8.30pm for us. We eat together at the weekends but maybe just on Sunday. Before all this though we used to eat dinner or lunch out two times a week and then me and her would always have a cafe lunch on my two week days off. She has very god table manners and is quite advanced in her talking anyway so I guess I don’t worry worry about that side.

I do find people get very into the whole ‘eating together as a family’ and forget that dinner just the two of you is equally as important.

Compromise with your DH and maybe say X days is early dinner and X days is later dinner.

We only eat as a family on my husbands days off, or occasionally if he is in early, due to his working hours.
Obviously not with the current situation, but usually he either works an early shift, starting at 6am and finishing between 3-5pm, so we might eat together those days. A morning shift from 7 or 8 until 5, so by the time he's home it's too late for ds, so he eats at 5 and dh and I eat later. An evening shift from 3pm until between 10-11pm, so obviously ds eats then I eat with my husband when he's home. Or he does a double shift from 8am until between 10-11pm, so we do the same.

We'd love to be able to eat as a family every day but we simply can't. Sometimes dh and I don't have anything because of the time he gets home. Can be up to 11.30 depending how busy he has been.

Would 5:30 work better? We aim for that and it usually drifts to 5:45/6. And our 2.5 year old still wants a bottle at 6:30/6:45 and is asleep by 7.

May be worth a try?

I agree with you about family dinners OP - we have one child and I'm very keen on family dinner time - we don't usually eat breakfast or lunch with her (but do sit with her) so that's our best opportunity.

Family meals are great - but 5pm is a ludicrous time to make an adult eat dinner. Fair enough at the weekends, when you can have brunch and then a 5pm meal, but not if he’s at work. Don’t see what’s antisocial about you sitting with the kids while they eat and then eating together when they’ve give to bed?

You're right, it's important to eat as a family and it teaches your children a lot. We've always eaten together, but we eat at 6. I think your compromise is to eat later.

Our kids are 1 and 5..... DH and I both finish work at 5 and by the time we stop at nursery and after school club we’re all home at roughly 5.45 ish.

About half the week the kids have a quick meal and we eat once they’re in bed. The other half we all eat together.

I’m not ready to eat until 7 or 8 but that’s far too late for the kids who go to sleep at 7 and 7.30 so we compromise and split the week.

I look forward to eating together every day when they’re older and able to stay up a little later.

5pm would be too early for me. We try to have dinner around 6pm and all eat together - DS is 2 next month. I'd prefer eating a bit later but this is a good compromise for us (and tbh I'm always starving by 6pm anyway )

We always eat dinner as a family. It's really important to us.
5pm would be fine for me to eat but it's usually 5.30-6ish. DS (3) in bed for 7.30-8. I couldn't be bothered to start cooking after 8pm....we're all tidied up by then ready to relax.

We do a mix. Some nights we eat as a family, some nights I eat with them and some nights I just sit with them while they eat. I think the important thing is engaging with them and not being on screens etc. Rather than whether you are all eating the same thing.

No it's not @NataliaOsipova

I'm mid 50s and we've always had our evening meals around that time - as a child at home, as a young adult, in from work, then off out to evening activities, and as a parent of babies needing getting to bed and then children going out to activities in the evenings.

It might seem strange to you if it isn't what you are used to, but it's not 'ludicrous'.
It's actually much better for your digestive system to eat earlier rather than a full cooked meal a couple of hours before you sleep.

We always eat around 6pm. When kids were little it was tea, bath, stories/little bit of tv and then bed. So bed around 7:30-8pm
Now they are tweens/teens so bedtime is 9-10pm and dinner is anytime between 6-7pm

When our dses were that age, we decided that they would eat their evening meal at 5pm, and dh and I would eat later - 7-8pm. Dh’s working hours were not regular, and we couldn’t count on him being home at a sensible time for the dses’ tea. We had three options - the boys eat far too late - and are hungry and unbearable while they wait for dh, I eat with the boys, and dh heats his in the microwave and eats later, or the boys eat earlier, and dh and I eat later. We still ate together sometimes - at the weekend, and special occasions.

Looking back, I know this worked for us. We still spent plenty of time with the boys, and we still instilled good table manners and the ability to have a nice dinner table conversation. They have grown up perfectly civilised young men, and splitting up our evening meals has done family relationships no harm at all.

We used to eat between 4:30 and 5:30 as that was when the kids were hungry.
I'd eat with them but if dh was working he wouldn't be home until 7ish and didn't really want to eat then.

Eating as a family is important.

If your dh doesn't want to eat with you then he could just sit and chat and eat later but don't go making separate food. The

Our kids are 4 and 3 and eat dinner at 6-6.30pm. We mostly eat with them but on occasion will eat after they are in bed. When my dd starts school I will likely move her main meal forward and give her a snack before bed and so the routine will change. Yabu in being so rigid, if your oh wants to eat later he doesn't need your permission.

No kids, we eat at 5pm, as I'm hungry then. Eat lunch at different times tho, do what works!

There's no way I'd want dinner at 5 if I had lunch at 1.

Your DH is offering a fair solution, and what's the difference whether he's sitting with a plate in front of him? He'll probably be talking more if he's not eating. My mum used to cook for us and sit at the table chatting while we ate. She had her dinner later on when my dad got in from work. We all have good table manners, I promise!

@spidermomma

If I'm honest I always have tea done for 5 even my DSS who have moved out always turn up (most days they come from work) so their sat at my table for 5 were always starving to but If their not sat by 5 they don't get fed (not sat on phones , gaming or doing something unimportant (work, school clubs etc don't count before everyone rages at me haha but That's our rules! Our youngest is 1,3,4,9,11,16,20. But if he isn't hungry he doesn't have to eat Aslong as he is willing to sit their with you all that should be enough ? I don't often eat at the table as I'm feedin baby and sorting the other kids so il only eat once their in bed ! We have a very big and full table and it's great - no one is left out if OH is at work he will just have his when he gets in!

you are amazing!

You’re trying to solve a problem that doesn’t exist. Your husband is happy to sit with you and the children while they eat - he just isn’t hungry then. Surely the point of family dinners is spending time together - not for you to all eat at the exact same time regardless of whether you’re hungry or not.

Could you do Sunday lunch and make that the big family meal of the week? Or Saturday evening, when you haven’t got to worry as much about bedtime for the kids?

We eat together but at 6:30. I would hate eating at 5.

What about a half portion at 5pm and a half portion at grown up dinner time. I do think there is value in eating together, but I also sympathise with DH wanting to eat later. But tiny children do have early dinners.

We mainly eat at 5 as our 2 year old goes to bed at 6.30 and any later it’s tough to get her bathed and then wind her down for bed, we both work from home though so neither of us is walking straight through the door for our evening meal.

I think you could probably push it back to 5.30 and maybe have a couple of nights a week when you both eat together after the children have done to bed? We always have a couple of nights a week when we eat separately as as much as I think it’s important to eat as a family, it’s really tiring when you have a fussy toddler. It’s nice to have a fancy meal and cook together with a bottle of wine a couple of times a week and not be preoccupied with what your child is eating.

@StrawberrySquash

What about a half portion at 5pm and a half portion at grown up dinner time. I do think there is value in eating together, but I also sympathise with DH wanting to eat later. But tiny children do have early dinners.

Oh this is good idea!

I'd say - this won't be forever, as the kids get older their bedtimes will shift and you can eat later.

Carry on enjoying family meals, as the children get older then you will be able to push meals later. We eat all together between 5 and 6, I think it is really important for helping children to eat a varied and healthy diet, children learn from the adults around them and communal family meals are important for developing healthy habits and social interaction

No, that’s fair @BackforGood. Fine if it works for you. I’d really, really struggle with it though - and sounds like the OP’s DH does too.