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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So bloody cross with my Mum.

443 replies

mioz · 03/01/2021 12:58

DM lives alone and has bubbled with my household. She came over yesterday for a cup of tea, all completely normal. She text me today to say she’s been for a COVID test as she’s had a sore throat for 3 days. I am absolutely fuming with her for putting my family at risk and for being so sneaky and not even mentioning it yesterday. How do I get past her behaviour ☹️

OP posts:
hammeringinmyhead · 03/01/2021 13:16

Depends for me. If it genuinely hadn't occurred to her that a sore throat may be a symptom until her friend said "Get a test," YABU. If she already knew she may have it and came over that's irresponsible.

PickAChew · 03/01/2021 13:17

Blimey, what is up with people? If the mother feels concerned enough to book a test, no, she shouldn't be plonking herself in op's house. She should be isolating until she gets a negative result.

No wonder the virus is spiralling out of control if so many people think like so many in this thread.

LividLovely · 03/01/2021 13:17

The responses on here are part of why it’s so out of control.

Op, you are absolutely right to be angry and this is the reason why we haven’t formed a bullshit “bubble” despite being “allowed” (I fecking HATE the word “allowed” at the moment, which seems to be a catch-all for doing something risky but legal).

Notverygrownup · 03/01/2021 13:18

I'm with you OP. I would find it very sad that someone who is clearly capable, going to work, doing her own shopping etc could not simply have a conversation with me and let us all make a decision together about what works for us all.

However, these are strange and strained times, and we are all trying to steer our way between following the rules, avoiding risk and at the same time avoiding becoming totally obsessed by Covid. As a single person, without someone to get a reality check from in, she has made a decision which may have seemed sensible to her, at the time, whilst seeming blindingly stupid to you.

Hopefully her test will be negative, and then you can have a chat about what you would want her to do, if she feels ill again. And in the meantime, increase your vitamin C and D intakes and hopefully fight off the bugs.

Best of luck

LizzyELane · 03/01/2021 13:18

Having read other threads where families have tested positive just with cold symptoms, or even no symptoms at all, I wouldn't rule out a sore throat. And as OP said, if DM was worried enough to get a test she should have been worried enough to give the cup of tea in another household a miss on that occasion. I would be annoyed.

chaosisaladder · 03/01/2021 13:18

Honestly we are at the stage where if you feel under the weather - just get a fucking test. We have not got a shortage of tests as far as I know. Common sense people, come on. We are in a pandemic.

GoodbyePorpoiseSpit · 03/01/2021 13:19

Yes- you all need to isolate. Which is an absolute pain so I do get why you’re annoyed. It’s hard all round.

Beautiful3 · 03/01/2021 13:19

It's not an official symptom. She's tested herself just to be on the safe side.

ShinyGreenElephant · 03/01/2021 13:20

Surely one of the points of her being your bubble is that if she does get it you will be the one looking after her? Yes, it would have been better for her to mention it but would you have asked her not to come? Just for a sore throat?

Eckhart · 03/01/2021 13:20

Have you asked her why she's done this? It's not really ok to walk into someone's house and spend time with them if you suspect you are infected. She might have a good reason that you've not thought of.

Is this representative of your relationship? That she crosses your boundaries and you seethe in silence?

Thehop · 03/01/2021 13:21

I’d be cross too op

ConfusedcomMum · 03/01/2021 13:21

My whole family had sore throats when we had covid 2 weeks ago. I've still got white spots at the back of my throat.

Original poster
mioz · 03/01/2021 13:21

Is this representative of your relationship? That she crosses your boundaries and you seethe in silence?

Basically, yes!

OP posts:
Chicchicchicchiclana · 03/01/2021 13:21

Many people have tested positive for covid thinking that they just had a cold. The new strain presents as more cold-like from my understanding.

Yanbu, op. What kind of person brings an infectious illness to their loved ones whatever the circumstances?

"get a grip"? fgs.

blueleonburger · 03/01/2021 13:22

You’ve chosen to bubble with her. Meaning it’s like your DP or DC getting symptoms and testing for them. Would you be angry at them too? At least she’s taking precautions. She’s your family too, btw.

Neotraditional · 03/01/2021 13:22

@BibbityBobbityBellend

I find the reSponses here really odd. Regardless of her being family or a bubble, she came to your house when feeling ill. She should have mentioned it to you so that it was your choice to take a risk. She obviously feels ill enough to get a test and has either lied to them or you if she is able to get a test.

This is exactly why it keeps spreading.

I would be pissed off and I'd tell her.

Absolutely agree, staggered by the posters who think op’s mum has done nothing wrong. She’s potentially spread Covid to her daughter and family.
mumsiedarlingrevolta · 03/01/2021 13:22

OP I think you are getting quite a hard time. With rates climbing it is understandable that people want to be cautious and manage their own family risk as best they can.

Ideally your Mum would have told you she had a sore throat before coming over and let you decide together what risks you were willing to take.

I would be disappointed if this was my Mum.

Chicchicchicchiclana · 03/01/2021 13:23

ShinyGreenElephant - op's Mum may not need looking after. Plenty of people manage the illness on their own.

RaffertyBear · 03/01/2021 13:23

A sore throat is a symptom, it's just not one of the most usual symptoms.

However, I wouldn't be angry - maybe she is worried because it has gone on so long and that's why she went to get tested.

inquietant · 03/01/2021 13:23

@chaosisaladder

If I’m understanding this right OP - your mum knew she had a sore throat yesterday

YES it’s not one of the holy grail three symptoms for a test but fuck me, I’ve known enough people get this virus with the oddest symptoms that I would be really pissed off

YANBU

I agree, I would expect anyone in my bubble to let me know if they felt under the weather given current circs.
saraclara · 03/01/2021 13:23

It's not a well-known symptom. She probably thought nothing of it, but then someone said something to her, or she read something, that made her think she should get tested. I don't know why you and others are assuming she knew only too well but deliberately put you at risk.

I had a tickly throat for several days before I thought, "hmmm..." and went and got a test. I was negative.
I genuinely didn't think it was an issue until I googled something and 'tickly throat' came up.

bumblenbean · 03/01/2021 13:23

I’d be pretty miffed too but also concerned about her and hoping it’s not covid, for everyone’s sake!

They really need to expand the official symptom list or at least make it clear that the symptoms are more variable - so many people seem to assume if there’s no cough or temp it can’t possibly be covid, and are no doubt carrying on regardless assuming it’s not ...

grool · 03/01/2021 13:24

A sore throat isn't a symptom that prompts a test, is it? I had a slightly sore throat and a blocked nose for 4 days, these are not symptoms that were listed kn the Gov website that said I needed to take a test. It was only on day 5 when I lost my sense of smell that I then tested, as that WAS a listed symptom. Maybe cut your mum some slack?

Original poster
mioz · 03/01/2021 13:24

Genuinely shocked by the amount of people who wouldn’t get a test or AT LEAST keep their distance from others (even in their bubble!) based on having a sore throat. It’s unsurprising the virus is showing no signs of dying out!

OP posts:
Purplethrow · 03/01/2021 13:24

@LividLovely I was just going to say the same. I can’t believe that people don’t know that covid now presents with all sorts of weird symptoms, stomach upset , ‘normal’ cold symptoms, loads of people have tested positive and haven’t had the Big 3.
No wonder it’s spreading indeed.
And all those saying it’s ok , you’re young, you’ll be ok , is not the point! You could be one of the unlucky ones who isn’t ok.