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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So bloody cross with my Mum.

443 replies

mioz · 03/01/2021 12:58

DM lives alone and has bubbled with my household. She came over yesterday for a cup of tea, all completely normal. She text me today to say she’s been for a COVID test as she’s had a sore throat for 3 days. I am absolutely fuming with her for putting my family at risk and for being so sneaky and not even mentioning it yesterday. How do I get past her behaviour ☹️

OP posts:
wannadisc0 · 03/01/2021 18:31

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

butterpuffed · 03/01/2021 18:32

Probably best to stop defending yourself, OP, seems to make some MNers pile on more Confused

Mittens030869 · 03/01/2021 18:46

I feel like despairing at some of these responses. No, a sore throat isn’t listed as one of the main three symptoms of Covid, but there are quite a few other symptoms (as I’ve found out, having long Covid).

As I see it, if you have a respiratory infection of any sort, you should seek a test right now. The new Covid variant is spreading like wildfire and we can’t be too careful.

The worst thing here (and why the OP is understandably annoyed) is that her mum didn’t tell her beforehand about the sore throat.

Original poster
mioz · 03/01/2021 18:50

Anyway thanks all for your comments. I’m obviously very concerned for my Mum living alone and we don’t have any other family to help if she is positive, so fingers crossed it’s just your bog standard sore throat!

OP posts:
NRE20 · 03/01/2021 18:58

My mum is in a bubble with our household and none of us would dream of not telling the other that we’re not feeling great. I agree with you OP. Your mum should have mentioned her sore throat and asked whether you were still happy to meet up (especially since you’re pregnant and have a young baby, but even if that wasn’t the case).

If you feel you want to say something to her, maybe tell her that you’d rather not have direct contact until she’s feeling well again, or past the 10 day incubation period (regardless of the test result), but that if she needs anything, you can drop it off at her doorstep. Then keep close tabs on her, via WhatsApp for example, to make sure she’s okay.

knittingaddict · 03/01/2021 19:02

I'm frankly astounded by some of the posts on here.

You can't have cv if you have a sore throat because the government say it's only 3 symptoms!

If you've formed a bubble with someone you have to see them regardless of one of you potentially having cv!

It's as if some people are blindly following the guidelines (as they've wrongly interpreted them) without engaging brain at all.

jessstan1 · 03/01/2021 19:02

@mioz

Anyway thanks all for your comments. I’m obviously very concerned for my Mum living alone and we don’t have any other family to help if she is positive, so fingers crossed it’s just your bog standard sore throat!
I hope so too. Presumably she doesn't live far away so if she was ill, you'd be able to keep an eye on her, get her shopping etc.

All the best to you and yours too.

Wheresmykimchi · 03/01/2021 19:05

@mioz

She's not really a support bubble then , OP.

Why not? Because it doesn’t fit with your definition of ‘support’? Support can come in many forms, it’s not just childcare and running errands for people Hmm

More that I see you point now than I did before.
CC2021 · 03/01/2021 19:16

@BloggersBlog Oh I'm sorry can you point me to the section of the government / NHS website that says a sore throat is a symptom and you can officially get a test for it?

CC2021 · 03/01/2021 19:19

@mioz yes I have. I'm well aware some people have tested positive after a sore throat. Some people have also tested positive after diarrhoea, tummy pains, no symptoms whatsoever. We can't just avoid everyone for the rest of our lives and being pregnant doesn't give you a right to be pissy just because your Mum has a sore throat. It's cold season, many many people have sore throats. Hospitals don't even stop their staff coming in with a sore throat.

CC2021 · 03/01/2021 19:20

@ssd I said pre tier 4 restrictions. As in, before we became tier 4. Obviously I don't see anyone apart from my individual household and my work colleagues at the moment.

Denny53 · 03/01/2021 19:28

@pepsicolagirl

sore throat is on a fairly long list of symptoms contact tracers will check for if you test positive.

I hate when people tell me halfway through a visit that they have been feeling rough for whatever reason. I have a condition which means that when I am ill my immune system goes crazy and attacks my own body so if I worry a LOT about getting little things like sickness bugs or a cold let alone covid 19!

If you are CEV then you shouldn’t have been having regular visits with anyone since first lockdown in March. If you are as ill as you say then why have visitors at all ?
ssd · 03/01/2021 19:33

[quote CC2021]**@ssd* I said pre* tier 4 restrictions. As in, before we became tier 4. Obviously I don't see anyone apart from my individual household and my work colleagues at the moment.[/quote]
The tier 4 restrictions aren't the issue, the issue seems to be you think symptoms outside the 3 NHS symptoms don't count AND you have a vulnerable relative.

CC2021 · 03/01/2021 19:39

@ssd you mentioned me being in tier 4. My vulnerable relative is an adult able to make up their own mind. They'd rather see people than avoid people for the rest of their lives. Totally aside from my relative, you can't expect people to isolate and get tested for every single symptom of any illness that isn't even on the list - we'd literally never be in work if that were the case. Not to mention the fact my work would have a fit if I tried calling in sick every time I had the slightest sniffle / sore throat / bad tummy etc.
Anyway I'm not going to argue. I and several other people think the OP is BU, you clearly think differently so let's just leave it at that.

mathanxiety · 03/01/2021 19:39

Being pregnant absolutely gives the OP the right to be 'pissy' as you call it.

Nobody has the right to visit other people, full stop, even at the best of times. The fact that we are experiencing an officially declared pandemic and that covid is easily transmissible should give everyone pause when planning their social lives. At the very least, this woman should have worn a mask when visiting to protect her own daughter and grandchild.

LOL @ your reliance on the NHS/government website as a font of information, @CC2021. The UK is an internationally recognised failure on the covid front, along with the US, thanks in great part to the miserable performance of the government.

mathanxiety · 03/01/2021 19:41

Totally aside from my relative, you can't expect people to isolate and get tested for every single symptom of any illness that isn't even on the list

Straw man...

This is not a thing.

Wheresmykimchi · 03/01/2021 19:42

[quote CC2021]@ssd you mentioned me being in tier 4. My vulnerable relative is an adult able to make up their own mind. They'd rather see people than avoid people for the rest of their lives. Totally aside from my relative, you can't expect people to isolate and get tested for every single symptom of any illness that isn't even on the list - we'd literally never be in work if that were the case. Not to mention the fact my work would have a fit if I tried calling in sick every time I had the slightest sniffle / sore throat / bad tummy etc.
Anyway I'm not going to argue. I and several other people think the OP is BU, you clearly think differently so let's just leave it at that.[/quote]
Op is pregnant though.

But in principle I agree.

jocktamsonsbairn · 03/01/2021 19:45

@Notverygrownup

I'm with you OP. I would find it very sad that someone who is clearly capable, going to work, doing her own shopping etc could not simply have a conversation with me and let us all make a decision together about what works for us all.

However, these are strange and strained times, and we are all trying to steer our way between following the rules, avoiding risk and at the same time avoiding becoming totally obsessed by Covid. As a single person, without someone to get a reality check from in, she has made a decision which may have seemed sensible to her, at the time, whilst seeming blindingly stupid to you.

Hopefully her test will be negative, and then you can have a chat about what you would want her to do, if she feels ill again. And in the meantime, increase your vitamin C and D intakes and hopefully fight off the bugs.

Best of luck

This has to be one of the most sensible and caring posts I have read on mumsnet for a very, very long time.
Almostslimjim · 03/01/2021 20:04

I'm gobsmacked at responses on here.

Whilst sore throat is not listed as a symptom on the NHS "get a test" posters, it IS a possible symptom, listed by the NHS and the by the WHO. The WHO advise testing if you have a site throat and contrary to what people believe, if you call the test booking service they WILL test you if you feel unwell but don't have the classic symptoms. They'll also test non-symptomatic household members if you go at the same time (won't do separate appointments).

I see lots of cases which start as a sore throat or general cold type symptoms and also an upset stomach as the first symptom.

I'd be furious OP. She didn't need to visit you. A single adult household can bubble with another household for any reason at all, they're called "support bubbles" but there doesn't need to be any formal support being provided and both households can live, work and reside separately.

If this thread is indicative of the general population (and from what else I see it appears so) it is no wonder we are in this situation.

ButterPie1 · 03/01/2021 21:18

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Notnt · 03/01/2021 21:35

YANBU at all.
Sore throat was one of the first symptoms I had, before the cough a day or 2 later.
It is possible to support people without contact, we don't have a bubble but when we tested positive, in-laws dropped bread and milk at our door to see us through to our next shopping delivery. 🤷‍♀️

bondgirl76 · 04/01/2021 17:23

Seriously? Shes your Mum..thats all you can think about?? glad youre not my daughter

LIZS · 04/01/2021 17:28

No she should have forewarned you , so you could decide whether to risk it. Hope you have had a negative result by now.

Ladybird11 · 04/01/2021 17:33

Hope your mums test had come back negative OP.. hugs.

WanderingHopefully · 04/01/2021 17:33

@CC2021

Haven't RTFT just OP's comments but I think YABU. Sore throat isn't a symptom. Being pregnant doesn't mean you need to avoid sore throats. Tbh it wouldn't even occur to me to get a test for a sore throat and my relative is ECV and would be happy for me to go around (pre Tier 4 restrictions) if I had one.
As many people on this thread have commented, a sore throat is a symptom. It was my first and only symptom at the outset. Same for other family members. If you Google it, you will see it's listed as a symptom on many reputable websites. It's just not listed as one of the three most common symptoms.