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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So bloody cross with my Mum.

443 replies

mioz · 03/01/2021 12:58

DM lives alone and has bubbled with my household. She came over yesterday for a cup of tea, all completely normal. She text me today to say she’s been for a COVID test as she’s had a sore throat for 3 days. I am absolutely fuming with her for putting my family at risk and for being so sneaky and not even mentioning it yesterday. How do I get past her behaviour ☹️

OP posts:
Original poster
mioz · 03/01/2021 17:29

@HeadIsFucked

This really has me thinking actually. We are MILs support bubble, she suffers horrific mental health issues and is a suicide risk when alone for too long. Obviously this is different to OPs situation but...if she did have symptoms, and told us I don't know if we would let her come or not. I also think she might specifically NOT tell us so that she could still come. The risk to us technically is small IF we did get it, but the risk to her would be high if told to stay away for 2 weeks. This possibility never struck me til this thread, and am a little worried about the potential now.
I hope it doesn’t come to that for you!
OP posts:
SpnBaby1967 · 03/01/2021 17:30

I was positive over xmas and my symptoms were primarily a sore throat.

However, I had it for several days before I then started to feel more "off" at which point I developed a temp and got tested.

A sore throat isnt usually panic stations and I've certainly gone to work in years past with those symptoms and thought nothing of it. I expect your mum was the same.

Realistically the 3 key symptoms thing is probably highly inaccurate.

HeadIsFucked · 03/01/2021 17:31

I hope it doesn’t come to that for you!

Thanks..I hope your mum gets better and the test is negative too. I understand the worry, despite earlier posts possibly suggesting I don't. I tend to look at things through my own lense sometimes, instead of going on what people say Blush

Notonthestairs · 03/01/2021 17:32

I wouldn't visit a pregnant woman who is looking after a toddler if I felt unwell.

I also wouldn't visit if I felt sufficiently unwell to lie to get a Covid test.

Support bubbles don't mean let's all be unwell together.

MacTheFork · 03/01/2021 17:32

@Wheresmykimchi

Op, if you are pregnant why on earth would you have a bubble in the first place? The point of a bubble is live as one household. If you aren't OK with being in contact with your mum if she maybe has symptoms , she shouldn't be in your bubble.
Are there really people who believe being in a bubble makes it safe to meet with people who have symptoms?
MacTheFork · 03/01/2021 17:34

And all those defending OP’s mum because she’s in OP’s bubble/household, would you honestly be happy if your partner had symptoms but didn’t tell you they did for three days?

Original poster
mioz · 03/01/2021 17:39

So if two different households in one bubble tested positive and were seriously ill, is it their fault because they should have known the risks when forming a bubble in the first instance? Jeez. People still need to go to work and do their food shopping at a minimum. Doesn’t mean those living alone should be left for months on end with no company.

OP posts:
Bluemooninmyeyes1 · 03/01/2021 17:42

Erm no, I’d be worried about my mum. God forbid if anything happens to your mum (I really hope nothing does), the last emotion you’ll feel will be anger.

ZippedyDooDa · 03/01/2021 17:45

I would be furious with her. Not sure how to get past it - I'd have to tell her how upset I am and how unacceptable that is, to be poorly and visit without mentioning that fact - and see what her reaction is.

For those saying that sore throat is not a symptom of covid - it's not an 'official' symptom in the UK, but it is in other countries (eg Canada), and two friends who recently had covid (positive tests) told me this was their main symptom.

Technonan · 03/01/2021 17:46

You're supposed to isolate when you have a Covid test, so she shouldn't have been out and about. I'd be more worried about the implications for her having Covid tbh.

wildraisins · 03/01/2021 17:49

I would be annoyed but honestly she probably hasn't even thought about it and it won't have occurred to her that she was putting you at risk. It's amazing how zoned out some people are about all this. Try to improve her awareness without being too annoyed with her.

MimiDaisy11 · 03/01/2021 18:00

Sorry you have to deal with such ridiculous responses.

If I was ill, regardless of whether I thought it was covid, I wouldn't meet up with a pregnant woman as their immune system is down and certain illnesses can be bad for the mother and baby.

I don't understand people's logic here. A woman starts to become ill and thinks there's a possibility that it could be covid so gets a test but doesn't reveal that to the person she is visiting until days later when it comes back positive. Of course OP has a right to be annoyed. That's not the way to behave.

MimiDaisy11 · 03/01/2021 18:03

A sore throat is a symptom according to the WHO.

CC2021 · 03/01/2021 18:05

Haven't RTFT just OP's comments but I think YABU. Sore throat isn't a symptom. Being pregnant doesn't mean you need to avoid sore throats. Tbh it wouldn't even occur to me to get a test for a sore throat and my relative is ECV and would be happy for me to go around (pre Tier 4 restrictions) if I had one.

aintnothinbutagstring · 03/01/2021 18:05

All the people saying how did she get tested? You just tick the box that you have symptoms of Covid, nobody is gonna check whether you actually have or not. And lots of people I know have tested positive on the back of just having a sore throat or a headache or just generally feeling under the weather. There's no need to worry about 'wasting a test' with this new variant. There's literally 100s of tests available in my local area.

JassyRadlett · 03/01/2021 18:06

No, you asked me whether it would be reasonable for OP to take an ill child so I answered that point. confused I don't know why you'd present a scenario and then clam it's irrelevant.

I didn’t ask you any questions - I stated my view that the converse would be equally unreasonable and silly, to illustrate that the ‘support bubble means you’re one household’ statement has limits, and they’re not ‘you must share any and all germs you get with the rest of your bubble.’

VetiverAndLavender · 03/01/2021 18:07

I'd be cross even in pre-Covid times, if someone spent time in my house without first letting me know they had a sore throat. Whether I'd still have them over would depend on the circumstances, but it's not very loving to spread the germs unnecessarily and not at least warn people and let them make a decision for themselves.

aintnothinbutagstring · 03/01/2021 18:07

If you look at the CDC advice for the US, they list every single cold and flu symptom for possible Covid. I think NHS might be a bit behind the times with its three classic symptoms.

tisnotthedamnseason · 03/01/2021 18:19

@CC2021

Haven't RTFT just OP's comments but I think YABU. Sore throat isn't a symptom. Being pregnant doesn't mean you need to avoid sore throats. Tbh it wouldn't even occur to me to get a test for a sore throat and my relative is ECV and would be happy for me to go around (pre Tier 4 restrictions) if I had one.
Well if you had read the thread or other comments about symptoms you would see that actually a sore throat is often the first symptom of Covid and we shouldn't just blindly follow the shit advice from this shit government.
ssd · 03/01/2021 18:20

Its been posted here so many times people getting a positive after a sore throat. I thought people realised the symptoms are much wider ranging than the official 3?

Original poster
mioz · 03/01/2021 18:24

@CC2021

Haven't RTFT just OP's comments but I think YABU. Sore throat isn't a symptom. Being pregnant doesn't mean you need to avoid sore throats. Tbh it wouldn't even occur to me to get a test for a sore throat and my relative is ECV and would be happy for me to go around (pre Tier 4 restrictions) if I had one.
You’ve checked with your family member on this have you?
OP posts:
ssd · 03/01/2021 18:26

I was a bit gobsmacked at CC2021s comment too, with all due respect, if my relative was ECV and I was teir 4 I'd be getting myself a bit more clued up.

mathanxiety · 03/01/2021 18:27

A sore throat is a symptom. A niece of mine experienced this as her first sign of (subsequently confirmed) covid.

Your mum behaved irresponsibly and given the volume of news and information available on covid, plus the fact that you are pg, there is no excuse.

She should have considered wearing a mask for her contact with you aright from the start of this because she goes out shopping and to work, and should have promised to stay away if feeling unwell.

Hoping her test is negative.

partyatthepalace · 03/01/2021 18:29

I can understand you are annoyed but think you are being a bit OTT (assuming none of you is vulnerable) - as it is January cold season and a sore throat is not a major covid symptom.

Maybe it just occurred to her after 3 days to check / or someone suggested it etc.

Anyway, once she is better you could say please can she mention earlier next time. But it does not feel like a big thing you need to 'get past'.

BloggersBlog · 03/01/2021 18:30

Haven't RTFT just OP's comments but I think YABU. Sore throat isn't a symptom

Shame you are too above us plebs to have read the thread. If you lowered yourself to reading some posts you would see you are wrong