DH wanting sex at ridiculous times?!

[legalseagull]

AIBU at being really pissed off at DH. It's not even 9am and yet he's come in to the bedroom with a brew (it's my turn for a lay in whilst he's got up with the 1yo and 3yo) Coffee is appreciated but he then immediately says "have a sip and perk yourself up 'wink wink'" Apparently the toddlers are downstairs plonked in front of the tv and he wants a quickie.
He doesn't think that's inappropriate or dangerous at all. They're not 9/10, the youngest is one year old!
Obviously I said no and he went off in a huff. He'll no doubt be feeling sorry for himself that I'm boring and he doesn't get enough.

What is wrong with when kids in bed? When up toddlers need watching as he must know. I hate see grown men sulk, it is so pathetic. My dh brings me tea in bed every morning.

What is wrong with when kids in bed?

Well I for one am never in the mood in the evenings/ night. If we only had sex after bedtime, we'd never have sex.

I would never trust him to look after the children again after leaving a toddler and a baby two floors down alone in order to try to have a quickie. It's dangerous and neglectful.

@caringcarer

What is wrong with when kids in bed? When up toddlers need watching as he must know. I hate see grown men sulk, it is so pathetic. My dh brings me tea in bed every morning.

But his willy got all hard and it hurts and is dangerous if they don't have sex immediately to release it. Duh.

I mean yeah it’s not totally appropriate but atleast he still wants to have sex with you. I’m sure there are other threads of women moaning they don’t feel attractive aswell so can’t win. I don’t think asking your wife/partner for the chance of a quickie makes you a “sex pest”, Jesus.

@BeeDavis

I mean this wouldn’t bother me, at all. Why do you want unnecessary tension in your relationship? I get woken at 3am for sex, it’s exciting and spontaneous. Next thing you’ll he posting that you think he’s cheating on you.

You need to reexamine your boundaries. It's concerning that you think the OP is creating 'tension' by saying no to sex. It's concerning that you think she should have prioritised 'duty' sex over her children's safety. It's concerning that you think it's 'exciting and spontaneous' to be woken at random times in the middle of the night to perform on demand. It's concerning that you think her DH will cheat on her simply because she has self-respect.

I'm sure you think you have a very exciting and fulfilling relationship, but I wouldn't be surprised to see you back here in a year or so once you realise it's actually exploitative and dysfunctional.

If the surroundings are reasonably child-safe, there's nothing wrong with leaving a couple of toddlers downstairs on their own for 10 minutes. Do you actually have young children you're responsible for? Reasonably safe?? They're 1 and 3!!

So 2 minutes to carry the drink up stairs and ask op for sex.
3 minites to drink the coffee and pep herself up - presumably get herself ready cos he ain't doing that foreplay stuff again.

60 seconds of frantic pumping til he comes

4 minutes to put it back in his pants, wash his hands and get back down stairs.

Gosh op, why wouldn't you risk of your children's physical well-being for a 60 second fuck?

If the surroundings are reasonably child-safe, there's nothing wrong with leaving a couple of toddlers downstairs on their own for 10 minutes.

Yes there is and if you really think that I don't know what else to say to you tbh.

Isn't a child of 1 technically a baby rather than a toddler?

If the surroundings are reasonably child-safe, there's nothing wrong with leaving a couple of toddlers downstairs on their own for 10 minutes.

For sex!!! Not something essential,or necessary,or an emergency. Not a need.

A 1 yo baby , left alone for "10 minutes" so his dad can have sex.

There are many ,many things wrong with it.

For sex!!! Not something essential,or necessary,or an emergency. Not a need.

Yet I was in a thread on the Sex group last week where I was laughed at for saying sex was a want and not a need and lots of people claimed it absolutely was a need for them.

Some people on this thread really need to raise the bar. For the quality of their sex life and of their partners, and their children's wellbeing. For the whole family tbh but especially for themselves. A man's so-called "needs" do NOT rank higher than a baby's safety! Someone said "this is why there are so many single people" - err maybe they prefer being single to answering to a man's desire for shit sex at the drop of a hat. Know what's a real turn on? Knowing your babies are unattended 2 floors down!

Some people on this thread really need to raise the bar.

Some people on this thread appear not to even have a bar.

If the surroundings are reasonably child-safe, there's nothing wrong with leaving a couple of toddlers downstairs on their own for 10 minutes

How do you make any surroundings safe against the eventuality of, for instance, a child vomiting and choking?

How do you make any surroundings safe against the eventuality of, for instance, a child vomiting and choking?

Unless unconscious, it is virtually impossible for a healthy individual to vomit and choke. This is because of the way vomiting occurs, the deep thrust of the stomach muscles project the vomit away and it is a natural reaction to sit up slightly when vomiting, further reducing the risk. Unless you the child has motor delay or is very unwell prior to vomiting, choking is less likely than say, slipping and banging their head. The OP does not advise that the children have development delays or were very unwell on that day, so I think we can assume they don't and weren't.

For those who have difficulty conceiving, sex often takes place at ridiculous times.

Wow,how the dirty serf dared to ask for marital sex,the dog! He is your husband most likely to financially support all 4 of you and giving you time to rest,right? So what?he was born to cater for your sums and beg for sex,clearly,as you must feel like it otherwise,of course,it is a gross abuse. What? You could have smiled,kiss and whisper that he was incrediblysexy? Really? And say how you are waiting for the time kids would be in bed? But now he must go and look after them,as it is dangerous,they are still small. But you give him a kiss as you cannot resist him? No! This is too demeaning for you, why to play sweet games which keep the fire burning? Castrate all abusers,and he is clearly one of them,lecture them how to treat a woman. First,deny him sex. Secondly,he must all you with flowers and gold each time he might feel an urge. Thirdly,look disappointed and indignant as often as possible. Know your rights,he has none,of course,as men were mistreating women since ,well,for a very long time. Oh,looking repulsed whenheis satisfying his lowerly instincts is a ladylike stance.

@veronicalondon

Wow,how the dirty serf dared to ask for marital sex,the dog! He is your husband most likely to financially support all 4 of you and giving you time to rest,right? So what?he was born to cater for your sums and beg for sex,clearly,as you must feel like it otherwise,of course,it is a gross abuse. What? You could have smiled,kiss and whisper that he was incrediblysexy? Really? And say how you are waiting for the time kids would be in bed? But now he must go and look after them,as it is dangerous,they are still small. But you give him a kiss as you cannot resist him? No! This is too demeaning for you, why to play sweet games which keep the fire burning? Castrate all abusers,and he is clearly one of them,lecture them how to treat a woman. First,deny him sex. Secondly,he must all you with flowers and gold each time he might feel an urge. Thirdly,look disappointed and indignant as often as possible. Know your rights,he has none,of course,as men were mistreating women since ,well,for a very long time. Oh,looking repulsed whenheis satisfying his lowerly instincts is a ladylike stance.

Sex is not a right. I'm not even engaging with all the other nonsense you posted.

@Uhhuhoyaye

For those who have difficulty conceiving, sex often takes place at ridiculous times.

Being as the OP and her husband have two kids under four already, the need to reproduce again should probably take a backseat to the need to keep their current offspring alive.

Top Bants - You let your user name down. Whoosh.

@veronicalondon

Wow,how the dirty serf dared to ask for marital sex,the dog! He is your husband most likely to financially support all 4 of you and giving you time to rest,right? So what?he was born to cater for your sums and beg for sex,clearly,as you must feel like it otherwise,of course,it is a gross abuse. What? You could have smiled,kiss and whisper that he was incrediblysexy? Really? And say how you are waiting for the time kids would be in bed? But now he must go and look after them,as it is dangerous,they are still small. But you give him a kiss as you cannot resist him? No! This is too demeaning for you, why to play sweet games which keep the fire burning? Castrate all abusers,and he is clearly one of them,lecture them how to treat a woman. First,deny him sex. Secondly,he must all you with flowers and gold each time he might feel an urge. Thirdly,look disappointed and indignant as often as possible. Know your rights,he has none,of course,as men were mistreating women since ,well,for a very long time. Oh,looking repulsed whenheis satisfying his lowerly instincts is a ladylike stance.

Are you aware of how strange and unhinged you sound?

*Got knows I've been a little pissed off when I've wanted it and he hasn't, but that doesn't make me a sex pest for trying it on

Ever consider that maybe it does?*

No, because that would be demented. It's completely normal and natural that sometimes one partner may feel like (and seek) sex where the other isn't in the mood. Reactions are obviously a completely different conversation, but to say that asking to have sex with your spouse is being sex pest is just really fucking sad to be honest.

@Uhhuhoyaye

Top Bants - You let your user name down. Whoosh.

My username is a reference to another thread. I'm probably the least 'banter'-y person in the known cosmos.

If the surroundings are reasonably child-safe, there's nothing wrong with leaving a couple of toddlers downstairs on their own for 10 minutes

It's the other child that's the risk, rather than the surroundings. A three year old falling off a sofa, or just from running, and landing on a one year old could cause a nasty injury.