DH wanting sex at ridiculous times?!

[legalseagull]

AIBU at being really pissed off at DH. It's not even 9am and yet he's come in to the bedroom with a brew (it's my turn for a lay in whilst he's got up with the 1yo and 3yo) Coffee is appreciated but he then immediately says "have a sip and perk yourself up 'wink wink'" Apparently the toddlers are downstairs plonked in front of the tv and he wants a quickie.
He doesn't think that's inappropriate or dangerous at all. They're not 9/10, the youngest is one year old!
Obviously I said no and he went off in a huff. He'll no doubt be feeling sorry for himself that I'm boring and he doesn't get enough.

@BigFatLiar

How do you define ‘sex pest’?

OP wasn't just rejecting him, she did it with a judgement (unwarranted IMO) about his parenting. She was not only saying no to being intimate with him, she was also pointing out what a ridiculous and irresponsible parent he is. At best OP was totally insensitive.

So what was she supposed to do, @StamfordHill? I assume you accept that she was entitled to say no, given the danger to the children? Was she supposed to lie about the reason to avoid denting her husband's fragile male ego?

@justanotherneighinparadise

I quite like a bit of afternoon delight while the kids are watching a movie but OH knows the mornings are not when I feel sexy. I like to have had a wash and put some make up/clothes on.

My advice is to talk about and that say that morning breath sex just doesn’t do it for you.

How old are your kids? How likely to come looking for you?

OP wasn't just rejecting him, she did it with a judgement (unwarranted IMO) about his parenting.
So it's totally ok to leave a 1 year old and a 3 year old unsupervised and two floors below so he can have a quick shag? And what is it actually takes him more than 2 minutes to come? Ah they're fine, I mean they only might fall off a piece of furniture or choke...

@sima74

Kinda like morning sex myself. After a wash ofcourse. But I can fully understand why you wouldn’t be happy to oblige with a 1 yr old unsupervised. Do you have a baby monitor with a camera? So handy when they are little.

So she can watch them whilst ignoring his frantic pumping away instead of mentally wiring the shopping list??

Some very strange posts on this thread. Hope your DH copped himself on, OP.

@Apileofballyhoo

Some very strange posts on this thread. Hope your DH copped himself on, OP.

Hopefully once op was up so the kids weren't alone whilst he had his private time...

I hear you OP

It’s the bringing the coffee in under the guise of being thoughtful to make you a hot drink.

When really it was calculated as you say he does not usually make you a coffee & you feel it was done so in an attempt to wake you up & undermine your sleep in.

If it was your turn for a sleep in, a caring partner would you know...actually let you sleep in. Not wake you up & tell you to “perk yourself up” so you could quickly service them while your young kids are downstairs.

He sounds vile

Ah they're fine, I mean they only might fall off a piece of furniture or choke...

When was the last time you saw this on the news? Almost no children die like this in this country. They are more likely to be emotionally damaged when their parents split up due to lack of intimacy

These types of men seriously make me cringe. Not sure how they end up married tbh.

@BubblyBarbara

Ah they're fine, I mean they only might fall off a piece of furniture or choke...

When was the last time you saw this on the news? Almost no children die like this in this country. They are more likely to be emotionally damaged when their parents split up due to lack of intimacy

For a start I didn't say die. So it only matters of the kids left alone do something that kills them? Then they can say oops shouldn't have thrown in that quickly!! No RESPONSIBLE parents leaves babies this age alone because it'll probably be fine and if Daddy isn't allowed to fuck Mommy right there and then they'll get divorced.

And as for @StamfordHill suggesting op isn't allowed to point out it's irresponsible parenting because his ego might get bruised, clearly there's no other way he's going to learn not to be an idiot.

I mean he hadn't even shoved them both in the babies cot with an iPad which would have at least been an ATTEMPT to keep th safe.

Instead he's sitting watching the kids, decides that's a bit boring now so he'll go and wake his wife up and ask for sex, and to make sure he gets it he'll take her a coffee. Worse case scenario maybe she'll give him a quick blow job.

@lovelemoncurd

These types of men seriously make me cringe. Not sure how they end up married tbh.

I dunno, BubblyBarbara Seems quite up for a bit of danger sex whilst the kids run loose downstairs as he's gone to the effort of making her coffee.

This kind of thing really gets on my nerves. ExH (v much ex!) used to complain when he decided he wanted sex when I was in the middle of doing something else (cooking, washing, making dinner) and would flounce off when I told him his timing was lousy and his approach was so far off it was in the next town.

His response: sometimes you can just do it, it doesn’t always have to be all lovey and romantic and stuff. Charming. There’s more than a grain of truth in that old saying ‘women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place.’

[quote Lucidas]@BigFatLiar

How do you define ‘sex pest’?[/quote]
Anyone with functioning genitals

@BubblyBarbara

Ah they're fine, I mean they only might fall off a piece of furniture or choke...

When was the last time you saw this on the news? Almost no children die like this in this country. They are more likely to be emotionally damaged when their parents split up due to lack of intimacy

So the bar is.. as long as the kids don't die?

She's always entitled to say no, but she could have just said, sorry I'm just too tired, maybe later/another time.

So he goes all sulky because she's effectively said that her lie-in is more important to her than he is?

Same end result, only without putting down your husband and making yourself the superior parent

It's not the same end result: not only does he decide that he's been rejected personally but he may well hang around trying to persuade her, whilst the children are still in danger. And at what point does he get to learn that leaving two small children on their own two floors away from any adult is not a safe thing to do? When they've already hurt themselves?

When was the last time you saw this on the news? Almost no children die like this in this country. They are more likely to be emotionally damaged when their parents split up due to lack of intimacy

Around 800 children aged 1 - 9 die in accidents each year in the U.K. - around three quarters of those take place in the home. They're not routinely reported on the news are they? They might make it onto the local news when it's a slow news day or unusual circumstances.

[quote Lucidas]@BigFatLiar

How do you define ‘sex pest’?[/quote]
Mumsnet sex pest:

a) Male
and/or
b) Looks for sex when the other party doesn't want it and gets pissed off if turned down.

I've put and/or because many on MN will be of the opinion that a) is enough to define sex pest. If you're female and come under b) then the normal response would be that he's emotionally abusive or having an affair.

More seriously anyone with any sense would post a topic like this expecting a serious response on Mumsnet.

sorry 'anyone' should be 'nobody'

@BigFatLiar

Sunday morning isn't a ridiculous time.

It's not easy with children in the house to find time for sex.

Hows the sex life otherwise? I ask because when ours were little I used to say no and he stopped asking as he didn't want to be a pest. One evening when my brother and Sil were visiting my husband mentioned that sexy films didn't bother him as he was celibate now. I had a word with him later and hadn't realised how long it had been since we had been 'intimate'. So we made time for us, even if at times it was just a quickie.

He said that in front of your family? How embarrassing wtf

He said that in front of your family? How embarrassing wtf

Maybe we're the only ones but it just seemed to happen, with the children around life just got in the way and after a while you don't notice.

When it was said, even if it was a joke at the time, we realised we needed to make time for us.

YANBU!