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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm f**c*d aren't I

204 replies

Vanlady · 03/01/2021 02:44

So tomorrow I hope to drink my last bottle of wine (yes, bottle). Slipped into the typical wine drinking mum mode about 20 years ago. As a nurse I've picked up a few tricks, avoid the itchiness caused by toxins building in your body un processed by your liver , by taking a daily anti - histamine,combat the depression by taking anti depressants and generally stick a smile on your face. Drink 4 bottles of wine weekly and ignore everything else but I can't hide the symptoms any more, my nails have terrys syndrome (alcoholic liver disease symptoms) no one has noticed but me and they are getting worse. Mum to an adult with moderate LD and have a 30 Yr plus happy marriage. Aibu to think I can turn this around at such a late stage or should I prepare them for the fact I will die soon

OP posts:
SallyAnnWotsit · 17/03/2021 07:18

Has the OP been back?

Someone revived this thread when it was 2 months old. As far as I can see, the OP isn't reading any more.

YukoandHiro · 17/03/2021 07:25

@bringwineplease But that is a huge amount of alcohol and between 3 and 4 times the recommended maximum. You may not be experiencing dependence symptoms but your body will be suffering for it and it will shorten your lifespan. However i truly believe that everyone has the freedom with full info on effects to drink as they choose as long as it's not affecting others, so it you're happy with it don't worry. But you do need to accept the results on the inside of your body.

Original poster
Vanlady · 17/03/2021 07:37

Thankyou to the people who supported me. I haven't had any alcohol for 11 weeks , I feel somewhat better. My nails are still the same as yet but I know it can take up to six months for the liver to recover. I haven't been brave enough to go to Gp for bloodtests unfortunately, I feel like if it was good news I might have a few drinks to celebrate and if it was bad news I would start drinking again to block it out, no half measures for me, pardon the pun. I'm just concentrating on getting through work and life stress day to day rather than thinking well it's nearly weekend on Wednesdays and having a drink.

OP posts:
Ikeameatballs · 17/03/2021 07:41

@Vanlady well done! You should be so proud of yourself! I know that you say you feel “somewhat better” but I bet you look and feel great compared with how you were. Has the itchiness stopped? I bet you’ve lost weight. What about your mood?

How have you managed to stop? Whatever you do now keep on not drinking!

thosetalesofunexpected · 17/03/2021 07:47

@Vanlady

what triggered (started your excessive drinking issue then?

why do you drink so much?
(I am just wondering what particular issue/or issues behind it then?

Did your parents or one of them have a problem with drink then?

did you grow up in a area/culture/background in which there was a strong drinking traditional background ?

have you ever in the past tried to attempt to gradually give up drinking so much then?
(through help support with organisations for e.g. AA etc.

picknmix1984 · 17/03/2021 07:52

As a nurse you must also know that the liver has regenerative properties as long as you get help now op!

liverpool1981 · 17/03/2021 07:55

@Vanlady

Thankyou to the people who supported me. I haven't had any alcohol for 11 weeks , I feel somewhat better. My nails are still the same as yet but I know it can take up to six months for the liver to recover. I haven't been brave enough to go to Gp for bloodtests unfortunately, I feel like if it was good news I might have a few drinks to celebrate and if it was bad news I would start drinking again to block it out, no half measures for me, pardon the pun. I'm just concentrating on getting through work and life stress day to day rather than thinking well it's nearly weekend on Wednesdays and having a drink.
I am in the same situation I haven't had a drink in 30 days and everytime I look at my Terrys nails I feel disgusted and revolved that I have ruined or am in the process of ruining my liver. Keep going don't give up. I actually feel good and alive. I drank until I passed out on the settee every weekend.
willibald · 17/03/2021 07:56

Good on you! MN is always 'See the GP' but in honesty it might not be the best course of action for some people, and in your case on 4 bottles a week it wasn't a huge amount.

SallyAnnWotsit · 17/03/2021 08:00

That's great news @Vanlady.

I assume you know that depending on where you live and access to hospitals and clinics, you can always have a private U/S scan of your liver? This would show if it was fatty or diseased. It's an option if you don't want to see your GP and they'd probably not refer you for a scan anyway without symptoms.

CooDeGrass · 17/03/2021 08:00

Huge well done OP and liverpool1981.

Hang on in there, it honestly is so worth it.

billybagpuss · 17/03/2021 08:04

Well done @Vanlady that’s fantastic 💐

thosetalesofunexpected · 17/03/2021 08:07

Are your family really aware to the extent that your drinking habits have spiral into, taking over your life then?

If you have ever tried to give up drinking gradually?
Have your family been fully supportive of your attempts to give up then?
And how have your family supported you then?

I really feel you need to do some reflection on why you feel a need to drink so much.!

You really need to get as much support out there such as turning to self help groups such as AA or similar/same type of organisations,

Plus you obviously you need to see a good supportive doctor for a plan of Action on how to gradually give up drinking excessive,
and to look at and get medical help/support with any health issues that are relating to your drinking issue.

I really feel it would be very beneficial to explore look into the different various therapies out there online,
which will you feel sense will help you on your road to recovery from this self destruction path that you are currently on.

I think CBT (cognitive Behavioural Therapy could be beneficial to you.

Also good counselling Therapy could be beneficial to you too.

C BT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is a therapy that supports people to deal more effectively with their own issues/stressful triggers ect,

Confusedandshaken · 17/03/2021 08:13

DH drank as many as 15+ units a day and often more, every day for over 30 years. The day the pubs shut for lockdown he stopped. I was scared that going cold turkey like would give him terrible side effects but there wasn't a bother on him and he hasn't had a drink since then. So you aren't fucked at all. Amazing things can happen.

Even when the pubs reopened DH would drive us to meet friends and drink Diet Coke all evening. When eat out to help out was on he travelled up to his usual place of work and had a couple of business lunches when normally he would sink a couple of bottles of wine but he didn't touch it whilst his clients and colleagues got wasted. He walked down to his local a couple of times to meet his drinking buddies but just had soft drinks.

I still drink at weekends and when adult D.C. were around they still drink but he has completely lost the taste for it. When we came home from having our vaccine last week I opened some champagne but he drank tea. He has booked a gig with his mates after lockdown which would normally involve a solid afternoons drinking beforehand and has arranged to meet them at the venue after their pub session and drive them all home after the gig. Our bottle recycling bin used to be overflowing every fortnight now it isn't even a quarter full and a lot of that is empty Coke cans.

He says it isn't forever, that when things get back to normal he will probably drink again but I'm starting to wonder if that's true. If he can enjoy a boozy lunch or night out with his mates while sober why would he go back to it? Even if he does I doubt he will ever drink to that level again as his body and brain will probably no longer be able to tolerate it.

So chin up OP. Good luck with it. It can be done.

thosetalesofunexpected · 17/03/2021 08:14

@Vanlady

Well done you should be proud of yourself on how much you have allteady received !

thosetalesofunexpected · 17/03/2021 08:16

@Vanlady

Well done you should be proud of yourself on how much you have achieved already so far.!

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 17/03/2021 08:19

Well done OP, 11 weeks is fantastic.

Have you been able to put in place any "replacements" for times of stress when you might feel tempted? For me this was going to the gym until lockdown 😒 which is exactly the reason why I chose a gym with 24hr opening.

There are some activities which I associate with drinking and I've basically just stopped doing those activities so I don't get the cravings from habit.

Keep it up, you can do this 🏆

GetLost · 17/03/2021 08:38

Well done, OP! Keep going and keep feeling the positives. Think of the money you're saving as well as the health benefits. £30 pounds a week saved over 6 months could be a nice trip away or a day at a health spa.

WitchDancer · 17/03/2021 08:39

Well done, you're doing really well!

MyOtherProfile · 17/03/2021 08:45

Well done OP. That's amazing. Keep going Flowers

needsahouseboy · 17/03/2021 08:57

well done.

Lochmorlich · 17/03/2021 09:05

Well done.

SignsofSpring · 17/03/2021 09:07

To quit in lockdown is impressive, so well done for doing that and crossed fingers for you for the future as well, there are online groups for women who drink, there's a thread on mumsnet and the organization below (this you have to pay a small annual/monthly fee if I'm correct). You are not alone:

soberistas.com/

Original poster
Vanlady · 18/03/2021 17:54

Thankyou for all of you who have offered advice, I will look into some of the suggestions made.

OP posts:
liverpool1981 · 18/03/2021 18:27

Keep it going it's totally worth feeling as if your serving your body well. Have you ever heard of anyone having Terrys nails on the toenails?? Many thanks x

EternalOptimist7 · 18/03/2021 18:34

4 bottles a week doesn’t seem too bad actually, even though it’s over the 14 units a week allowance 14 units a week is so low!