I'm f**c*d aren't I

[Vanlady]

So tomorrow I hope to drink my last bottle of wine (yes, bottle). Slipped into the typical wine drinking mum mode about 20 years ago. As a nurse I've picked up a few tricks, avoid the itchiness caused by toxins building in your body un processed by your liver , by taking a daily anti - histamine,combat the depression by taking anti depressants and generally stick a smile on your face. Drink 4 bottles of wine weekly and ignore everything else but I can't hide the symptoms any more, my nails have terrys syndrome (alcoholic liver disease symptoms) no one has noticed but me and they are getting worse. Mum to an adult with moderate LD and have a 30 Yr plus happy marriage. Aibu to think I can turn this around at such a late stage or should I prepare them for the fact I will die soon

You've taken the massive first step by admitting to yourself you are an alcoholic. That is HUGE.
Of course you can change your life around.
Wishing you all the best in your new sober life, which starts now

I'm surprised that as a nurse you don't know more about liver disease? First place to start would be to tell your GP your 'symptoms' and request blood tests. I think but am not sure that a Full Blood Count includes Liver Function Tests. See what your bloods are like and take it from there. If you want to quit alcohol, that's always a bonus. It's not really good for us to be honest. Unless you use alcohol the Mediterranean way, which would be a small glass of red wine twice a day maybe with lunch and dinner.

Definitely nothing wrong with wanting to quit alcohol, but to come to the conclusion that you're going to die soon is a bit of an ummm.... unusual conclusion.

OP I hope you give it up for good. Invest in some good multivitamins and drink more water, aim for 2.5/3 litres per day. You need to detox your liver, I recommend Anthony William Liver detox. Google it.

@PrawnofthePatriarchy that's a fantastic achievement, you are living proof that changing your life and becoming sober can be done

It definitely scares me that people on here are saying 4 bottles of wine over a weekend is no biggy. I might have been able to do that in my 20s, but would probably die if I did that now!! I think you can only do that sort of drinking in 40s/50s if you have built up a lot of residence.

*gah, l did want the gin bottle to appear, l clicked of the flower emoji.
Sorry

You’re not fucked because you KNOW it’s an issue.
You can do this!

Wow you have great personal insight. You can't unsee it now. Good luck.

THERE'S A HOLE IN MY SIDEWALK

~a poem by Portia Nelson

Chapter 1

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost… I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter 2

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend that I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in this same place.
But, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter 3

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in … it’s a habit … but, my eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

Chapter 4

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

Chapter 5

I walk down another street.

To be fair, OP only admitted to it being binge drinking part way through the tread.

To be honest, if OP can go four nights without, I doubt it will that difficult to break the cycle.

@tttigress

It definitely scares me that people on here are saying 4 bottles of wine over a weekend is no biggy. I might have been able to do that in my 20s, but would probably die if I did that now!! I think you can only do that sort of drinking in 40s/50s if you have built up a lot of residence.

Sadly this doesnt surprise me. I’ve seen posters say they drink 2 bottles of wine a night and are “perfectly healthy”. Denial is very strong and if you dare say you are teetotal you get told you are “boring” “smug” or a “killjoy”. I’m not against alcohol but the way society has brainwashed us to believe imbibing poison is vital to our happiness is really quite shocking.

@Russellbrandshair our whole perception is skewed unfortunately.

I’ve seen several news articles talking about people who have unexpectedly sadly died of Covid and it describes them as ‘fit and healthy’ then you scroll down to a picture of the person who looks absolutely neither of those things!

@Sexnotgender

Yes very true! It’s quite surprising how angry people get on a night out if you arent drinking alcohol too! You get the old “oh come on, don’t be so boring, just have one, what’s the problem”?
I’d never dream of saying to someone drinking alcohol “ only have one because you know you’re a crashing bore when your’re pissed, do you have an alcohol problem?” Etc. Yet it’s considered perfectly acceptable to nag and make fun of non drinkers as if they are sub normal etc
It actually just makes me dig my heels in even further because I hate being told what to do lol

The liver is the one organ that can recover very well if caught early...

You need to go to the doctors and have some blood tests and get some help.

Partner was an alcoholic, binged for a week at a time, constantly being drunk...
Drank ALOT more than you

His liver was just on the edge, he stopped, its been just over 4 years now and his liver is near normal !

You 100% can do this !

Blood tests and then get help

OP sending
You have taken the first and hardest step-acknowledging you have a problem well done! You are not fucked I work with liver disease on a daily basis and it can now be well managed if you seek help and comply with treatment if it is needed.
Please see your GP as soon as possible and have your liver function checked and if there is stigmata of chronic liver disease (you have mentioned your nails and itch) get referred to gastro/hepatology for a ultrasound of the liver the earlier this is managed the better. Alcohol related liver disease can be very sneaky in terms of what blood tests look like so if you are in any doubt push for referral
You say you binge rather than dependently drink but if there is any chance that you are dependant do not stop cold turkey it is incredibly dangerous and you will need a properly managed detox. Cutting down is a much safer way to stop drinking (although I know this sounds counter intuitive) if you a dependently drinking and can’t access a medically managed detox. Also be completely honest with yourself and GP about how much you are drinking-I mean this from an experienced and good place, as a fellow nurse I’m sure you understand.
The AA, local authority/NHS addiction services and SMART recovery are all running online and in person for people who need it-access them if you need extra support they are generally self referral and have some of the most amazing and supportive professionals and peers.

I'm surprised you're taking anti-depressants and anti-histamines (both of which cause liver damage) alongside alcohol. It's not just the alcohol that's making you ill, it's the combination. Anti-depressants and anti-histamines both say "avoid alcohol" on the dispensing label for a reason.
I hope you can get help for your problem.

@WhatTiggersDoBest

I'm surprised you're taking anti-depressants and anti-histamines (both of which cause liver damage) alongside alcohol. It's not just the alcohol that's making you ill, it's the combination. Anti-depressants and anti-histamines both say "avoid alcohol" on the dispensing label for a reason. I hope you can get help for your problem.

Indeed. I very much doubt that the OP is a nurse. I'm not saying that she's a troll, I suspect she just may not be a nurse. Fine to change details, but I don't think any nurse would know so little. A googler perhaps!

As for a nurse wondering whether they should tell their family that they're on the way out because of poor nails?

You can do this, the first big step is you have admitted it, just small steps will get you to the right place and direction. 💐

I will send you positive thoughts. 🌻🌻

How're you doing @Vanlady?

@ObliviouslyIgnorant intelligent and Professional People who are addicts will take pills (whatever they are) if they help them get through and alcohol. You can be a nurse and take them. If I had a pound for every medical doc I have known who has smoked and drunk is be much richer now.

Sorry got interrupted.
How daft to not think someone who has posted about drinking too much would also take drugs which are ill-advised. Good grief

Nail changes can actually tell you a lot about someone’s health. As soon as a patient sits down in clinic HCPs will looks at the nails and hands as they can tell you many things about a patient as nail changes can occur in chronic illness such as liver disease, COPD, heart disease etc.

To the people stating I'm not a nurse you are completely wrong I definitely am. Maybe not a very wise one given the lengths I've gone to to hide some of the symptoms I've had for the last couple of years. I hold down a fairly high up specialist post.My area isn't related to gastro or renal but obviously I know enough about body systems to fulfil my role. Most people with some of my symptoms eg, itchiness(urticaria) would simply see their gp, whereas I knew the cause and decided to stupidly ignore it and take antihistamines to combat it. As for taking antidepressants I have been on them a very long time, 10 yrs + and my Gp has no idea of my alcohol intake.
Thanks again to the people who have given me so much support today. I hope the people who have said you are also concerned about your alcohol intake are successful in stopping or reducing the amount of drink if that's what you choose to do. I'm certainly more positive today.

I'm certainly more positive today

That's good to hear. Have you had any thoughts about which direction you want to go in?

Good luck to you. As an A and E nurse I’ve seen lots of people try and fail but keep trying and it is doable. Don’t just stop, please, sudden withdrawal is hideous and dangerous. talk to the people you love, get all the support you can. I wish you all the best of luck