I'm f**c*d aren't I

[Vanlady]

So tomorrow I hope to drink my last bottle of wine (yes, bottle). Slipped into the typical wine drinking mum mode about 20 years ago. As a nurse I've picked up a few tricks, avoid the itchiness caused by toxins building in your body un processed by your liver , by taking a daily anti - histamine,combat the depression by taking anti depressants and generally stick a smile on your face. Drink 4 bottles of wine weekly and ignore everything else but I can't hide the symptoms any more, my nails have terrys syndrome (alcoholic liver disease symptoms) no one has noticed but me and they are getting worse. Mum to an adult with moderate LD and have a 30 Yr plus happy marriage. Aibu to think I can turn this around at such a late stage or should I prepare them for the fact I will die soon

ObviouslyIgnorant maybe she is a T and O nurse, or a neurosurgical, or an outpatients nurse, or a gynae nurse. You know, working in a subject other than livers?

I’m glad you feel more positive but really- if you are drinking a lot that will completely prevent the anti depressants from working since alcohol is a depressant. Your bodies seratonin is being encouraged by the anti depressants then completely obliterated by the alcohol so they can’t be effective.

You can change this! I hope you can take all the positivity in this thread and use to take the first step.
Wishing you every success 🌹

Try the Brave Babes Battlebus threads on here - full of warmth and support for those of us in the same situation. No judgments.

You can definitely do this OP. You are not fucked. As a weekend drinker only you are entirely capable of stopping for good. I won't say how much I was drinking, let's just say a lot more than you & every day. I was also on a lot of medication for various conditions so I was terrified for my liver. Feared I would die within the next 10 years & leave my DC alone at a young age as my DM did. I did Sober October many times but always went back to drinking. By Christmas 2019 it was getting stupid so I attempted Dry January. A year later I have just celebrated my first year AF in over 20 years. Join the Facebook groups, download the apps, get some no alcohol drinks in. You can do this!

As a nurse you have acknowledged your problem and how you hide it.
You can do this and turn your life around. Please get help AA 24 hrs online help is there.
Please approach your OH dept and GP to let them know what is happening and get signed off. As a fellow NHS worker I know how stressful it is at the moment and this will not be helping your alcohol problem.
Please let someone take care of you like you have looked after others. Life is worth living please don't give up.

@Vanlady

To the people stating I'm not a nurse you are completely wrong I definitely am. Maybe not a very wise one given the lengths I've gone to to hide some of the symptoms I've had for the last couple of years. I hold down a fairly high up specialist post.My area isn't related to gastro or renal but obviously I know enough about body systems to fulfil my role. Most people with some of my symptoms eg, itchiness(urticaria) would simply see their gp, whereas I knew the cause and decided to stupidly ignore it and take antihistamines to combat it. As for taking antidepressants I have been on them a very long time, 10 yrs + and my Gp has no idea of my alcohol intake. Thanks again to the people who have given me so much support today. I hope the people who have said you are also concerned about your alcohol intake are successful in stopping or reducing the amount of drink if that's what you choose to do. I'm certainly more positive today.

Just read/listen to Allen Carr. That's all you have to do. No struggles required!

Although reading some quit lit is quite supportive too.

Hi, I hope you are keeping well
Did you get a liver test done? I had a blood test done and it came back with elevated liver enzymes and I am terrified as I have Terrys nails but on my toe nails. My gp wants me back in four weeks. I really am terrified as I have drank quite a bit in my life. Any update would be great

I know a nurse who was drinking a bottle of vodka a day (70cl) for the last few years of drinking, liver started playing up (passing bile), just quit, didn't need any medical intervention, certainly not aa (didn't like what they offered) but attended and made some friends in SMART Recovery. That person is now a different, happier person, and almost daily is making new insights into the whole drinking business and what led to it.

Good for you! You can absolutely turn this around. Good luck x

Please contact AA!!!!!!

I know it’s nothing like your situation but when I stopped smoking instead of going cold turkey I cut down first. Could you give that a go and just buy one bottle of wine or change to something like vodka which you need to mix with something else.
Because you are a binge drinker I would say that is better than an every day drinker so you’re definitely not fucked! Cutting down may be easier than trying to stop completely and then failing so having even more of a binge like dieting.

I would definitely seek help as that’s what they are there for. Imagine if someone didn’t want to see you because they were worried they would be wasting your time.

I hope you manage to get the help you need and turn it round

Good luck. You sound like a lovely lady xx

You can do it!

All the best to you, OP.

4 Bottles doesn't seem like a dangerous amount to me, wondering if my idea of alcoholism is all wrong.

YANBU I'm pretty sure you won't die of this. Get medical help, you cand do this. xxx

I learnt this week that Milk Thistle can help cleanse the Liver of toxins, so maybe try taking some of these to help you whilst you deal with the emotional side of wanting to drink.

Good Luck, Its never to late to try.

Your not fucked I quit drinking couple years ago , I hadn’t been drinking as long but had a good few years where it had built up to everyday and more than why you have per week.

I am not recommending this and would always say get proper medical advice but I cut down over the course of a couple weeks and then just stopped . Had some withdrawal Symptoms but never looked back iv never looked or felt healthier

Also yes to milk thistle !

@Borntohula

4 Bottles doesn't seem like a dangerous amount to me, wondering if my idea of alcoholism is all wrong.

It was an unusual post. She mentions 'renal' as a concern. It would be hepatology which would be the primary concern. Some people easily drink what she's drinking in a week in a day. She would know this if a nurse.

Contact AA and ask for help.

Say it out loud: I am an alcoholic. Well done; you’ve taken the first step.

You can do this. You can fix this. You will get support.

Ring your GP and ask for an urgent appointment. Remove all alcohol from your house/car/work locker.

Checking with your GP about the effects on your body of reducing your alcohol intake and ask how to do it safely. Good luck.

@Changemaname1

Your not fucked I quit drinking couple years ago , I hadn’t been drinking as long but had a good few years where it had built up to everyday and more than why you have per week.

I am not recommending this and would always say get proper medical advice but I cut down over the course of a couple weeks and then just stopped . Had some withdrawal Symptoms but never looked back iv never looked or felt healthier

Can I ask what withdrawal symptoms you had and how much you were drinking daily?

Seconding any PPs who recommend that you have a full assessment of your liver so that you have a full understanding of its condition.

I'm always surprised by the degree of dysfunction or cirrhosis in some people with NAFLD and, conversely, the elevated enzymes but largely functional status of some people with elevated alcohol intake.

Good luck with a diagnosis and I hope there's a straightforward treatment pathway. Best wishes likewise for your future sobriety.

@Yaya26

Good luck. You sound like a lovely lady xx

What makes her sound like a lovely lady?