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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm f**c*d aren't I

204 replies

Vanlady · 03/01/2021 02:44

So tomorrow I hope to drink my last bottle of wine (yes, bottle). Slipped into the typical wine drinking mum mode about 20 years ago. As a nurse I've picked up a few tricks, avoid the itchiness caused by toxins building in your body un processed by your liver , by taking a daily anti - histamine,combat the depression by taking anti depressants and generally stick a smile on your face. Drink 4 bottles of wine weekly and ignore everything else but I can't hide the symptoms any more, my nails have terrys syndrome (alcoholic liver disease symptoms) no one has noticed but me and they are getting worse. Mum to an adult with moderate LD and have a 30 Yr plus happy marriage. Aibu to think I can turn this around at such a late stage or should I prepare them for the fact I will die soon

OP posts:
Els1e · 03/01/2021 05:53

You can do this. Your liver is an amazing organ. Don’t give up on it. Get support in any way you can, your family, your gp, groups. You’ve done the first step by being honest to yourself. 💐

TangoWhiskyAlphaTango · 03/01/2021 06:43

No you are not fucked at all. I am a nurse too and have a wonderful patient who was a serious alcoholic (sold all his furniture, slept only on a mattress, lost his job, his family etc). One day he saw the light, went to AA and never drank again. He is now a mentor at AA and is 20 years plus clean. His health is not great but that is due to smoking 40 plus a day for years. Please see your GP and ask for help you definitely can turn this around.

MimiDaisy11 · 03/01/2021 06:59

You can do it if you want to. At least you realise you have a problem now you need to reach out for help.

Also I think the YABU votes are probably mostly answering the title rather than the question you later posed.

vampirethriller · 03/01/2021 07:08

I used to drink over a litre of vodka a day, I've been sober 7 years (one small blip 3 years ago) and my liver function is normal now. It can be done!

Bence69 · 03/01/2021 07:32

You are not fucked & you can do this. Ask for help join the AA & see a dr. I’m a year sober 26th January & it’s the best thing I’ve ever done. I went cold turkey & did it all on my own while going through a divorce & while the world falls to shit. You can do this xxx

Bettydot · 03/01/2021 07:53

You can absolutely do this. You want to change and that’s the biggest battle. Please get some support and advice as it can be dangerous to just stop though at four bottles a week it may be ok. You’ve got this and you can do it. Wishing you lots of luck. Your family will thank you for making this change and preserving your health.

DrDreReturns · 03/01/2021 08:12

Good luck OP. I don't think you are fucked, 4 bottles of wine a week isn't a dangerously high alcohol intake in my opinion. A bottle of spirits a day would be.

wherewildthingsare · 03/01/2021 08:22

Pour that 'last' bottle of wine down the sink op. Seek professional
Help. Good luck

midnightstar66 · 03/01/2021 08:47

4 bottles of wine does not seem like a huge amount to be causing so many major symptoms. It's around 2 glasses a night and while obviously far too much it's not at all uncommon ime. It's great that you want to stop though, I bet it will improve your mental health loads and make you feel more in control but are these all definitely alcohol related symptoms?

Mooballs · 03/01/2021 09:00

I'm also surprised at your symptoms if you're only having 40 units a week. I can't see an issue in turning that around with some support. Don't drink that last bottle though. Get the help you need. Good luck.

zafferana · 03/01/2021 09:01

The first step is recognising that you have a problem with alcohol - you've done that - so now you need to seek help OP.

YABU to think you can do this on your own.

Alcoholics Anonymous: www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk/

FreekStar · 03/01/2021 09:04

Four bottles a week is not that much! You should be able to cut it down quite easily and you've done the the most important part which is to acknowledge the problem.

dyslek · 03/01/2021 09:08

4 bottles a week is not far off what I drink.

This thread has really made me think.
I have know for ages my lifestyle is unstustainable and can feel the effects on my body pritty starkly but still struggle to change.
I think I might make an appointment with the GP, Im thinking anti buse is the way to go as I drink out of boredom really.
Please stay strong and speak to an outside agency, making resolutions probably isent enough, I should know.

RJnomore1 · 03/01/2021 09:10

@Vanlady you will also know that terrys nails can be caused by other things and you really need to see your gp about that.

Good luck you can definitely stop drinking if you want to.

Bagelsandbrie · 03/01/2021 09:10

You can do this.

I worked in bars from 18 and developed a really awful heavy drinking habit - not helped by having a mum, dad and Gran who were all alcoholics. I actually can’t remember how much I used to drink from 18-25ish. Probably about 4-5 pints of larger a night chased down with 5 double vodkas and so on. Every night. Then I had my daughter and it turned into wine, not as much but it was still my crutch. Then when I got divorced and dd went to stay with her dad for weekends I binged again. Got myself in all sorts of stupid situations.

Then I met dh and he doesn’t drink. At all. Ever. So I just realised I wanted to stop. I knew I could never have just one or even have alcohol in the house. So I just stopped. I haven’t had one drink in 12 years now.

You can absolutely do this. But you have to really want to stop. And I think for most people with alcoholism there can be no half measures - no odd glass of wine, no alcohol in the house, you need to change your friends is they drink a lot too. It’s all triggers.

MumInBrussels · 03/01/2021 09:16

You can do this. You should do this. You will feel better once you have done this, in sure. But you should talk to your doctor about it in case you get withdrawal symptoms and if you have physical symptoms of liver damage, I think you should seek advice about those in particular, in case they are being caused by something other than the alcohol.

LakieLady · 03/01/2021 09:21

You're not fucked at all, OP and you can make changes, but you need support to do it.

AA is great for some, but may not be the best option for you. There will be a drug & alcohol recovery service in your area, contact them. They will be able to help you. Or speak to your GP.

You've recognised that you have a problem, which is the first step and therefore the most important.

And are you sure about the nails? I believe that other health problems can cause the same symptom.

RomeoLikedCapuletGirls · 03/01/2021 09:27

Make sure you have a healthy diet. Look into Keto with a view to Intermittent Fasting as if you fast long enough you go into Autophagy which is where you body starts to repair itself.

Good luck.

PurrBox · 03/01/2021 09:34

I am another person who doubts that 40 units a week would cause those physical symptoms, or cause physical withdrawal symptoms. I would think your body would feel better almost immediately if you stop drinking, OP.
The best of luck to you- and do stop beating yourself up and worrying that you have permanently destroyed your health- I think those feelings are part of the mental load you are carrying, perhaps linked to drinking (which can cause depression as you know).

ApolloandDaphne · 03/01/2021 09:34

I realise you are not really in a great place right now but to go from 'I am drinking 4 bottles of wine a week' to 'I am going to die soon' is a little dramatic. I say this from the place of someone who has been drinking a lot more than that during that last year. I have decided in a calm and rational way, to stop drinking and let my body recover. You can do the same. You must know as a nurse how amazing the body is at healing itself, especially the liver. Choose life. You can turn this around.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 03/01/2021 09:42

You've spotted a sign of ALD.
Now go and get your bloods done, so you can see what your liver's status is.
It's good that you're wanting to change, and I agree that you need support to do so.
Best of luck to you but please go and see the doc first.

PaperHalo · 03/01/2021 09:43

Please please please turn this around! You absolutely are not too late but please try to do this for your family.
We lost our mum on New Years Day to COViD which she caught in hospital after being admitted for alcohol related illness. In just 7 weeks since a prior admission she had gone from some deranged bloods and liver irregularities to decompensated liver disease with no way back. It came as such a shock! Her body was too weak to fight the COViD and we lost her. But in the weeks before the COViD took her we learned SO much about how it really doesn’t have to be too late, the liver is an amazing thing and can come back from A LOT! Give yourself a chance! Don’t write yourself off, you can totally come back from this. COViD makes things so much harder in terms of keeping busy, making changes and getting support but it is out there, believe in yourself and do this for you and those that love you xxx
Sending love and strength xx

JoMoJo123 · 03/01/2021 09:44

Sending you some love, VanLady, along with all of the other lovely people here. Writing that message was the first step.

foodtoorder · 03/01/2021 09:48

Please go to the gp and get help, you're probably deficient of so many things. This is what topped my mum over the dye of no return, by the time her appetite had gone and she had such an unstable gait. As a nurse watching her deteriorate and ignore my pleas to just get help to be well as so destroying.
She died aged 56, totally unnecessarily.

Ticklytoes · 03/01/2021 09:55

4 bottles of wine a week, doesn’t sound high.
I was drinking a bottle a day, I’ve been sober for 8 weeks now, quit cold turkey and it’s been very easy.

You have reached a point where you know you have to stop. Pop over to the alcohol support thread. Get some help. The liver is an amazing organ, it will heal, but only if you quit.

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