To think at 46 my friend isn’t too old to be having a baby

[Tellmelies65]

My lovely friend has just announced she’s pregnant with her first at 46. She just didn’t meet the right person until now. A friend we have in common has messaged saying how outrageous it is.

Wow. Some incredible judgement from lots on hear.

The most - I repeat - the most - important thing is that a baby is born in to a loving environment where the family unit (whatever that may be) is able to support the baby on both an emotional and resources level.

Everyone is different. Age and ability/ energy vary enormously.

My SIL was an older mother and frankly isn't great, she would also have been pretty crap in her 20s.

My Mil, lovely though she is, retired at 60 and as DH puts it has been waiting to die ever since.

My DM still goes to festivals and camps in her 70's.

It's her own business and nothing to do with anyone else.

A child being LOVED is the most important thing which people on this thread seem to have forgotten...

A woman's body is her own and she should be able to do what she wants without judgment from people who are meant to be her friends...

Harder and riskier but good for her! I’m on my early 30s, haven’t met the one and hope to be a mum more than anything. I’m sure your friend is as aware as any new mum that she’ll be exhausted and her life is about to be flipped upside down.

Your other friend needs to wind her neck in. Very easy to point and judge when it’s happened easily for yourself (that’s obviously assuming that friend is a mum already).

Some of my friends who married in their early twenties and now have children in school of varying ages get a bit funny when someone in the group now has a baby - quite frequent comments of “oh I’m so glad I’m past the baby stage” “so glad I did it when I was younger” - well that’s great and lucky them for meeting their partners young. It doesn’t work that way for everyone. Good on your friend, I hope she’s happy with her new family.

It isn't anyone's business.

My good friend has a much longer for IVF baby due this summer.

This is her 4th round. And the only successful one.

She'll be 45.

I don't think she's selfish at all, she's had her heart broken so many times all I can feel is pure joy for her.

*longed for

I’m hiding this thread. Such ageist horrible shit on it. Some people posting on here are older parents. Think before you post.

@AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter

It's not typical to be frail and needing care at that age

Again, that has not been my experience shrug. Most people by age 70 have at least one health issue.

Both my parents were dead by 70yo. Cancer for both, no risk factors such as smoking or obesity. I’d certainly be worried about the potential of leaving a teenager/young adult as an orphan with no siblings either!

Wowsers! I can't believe people judging on age saying she is selfish. Where do they draw the line at judging? A young mum? Single mum? Mum who already has 5 kids? Mum who smokes? Overweight mum? Younger mum who's own mother died of breast cancer in 40s? Mum who has health issues? Absolutely ridiculous. Women in my great grandma's generation carried on giving birth in their late 40s. Congratulations to your friend and as long as she provides a loving and safe environment it is nobody's business. X

Things can become difficult at any age for many reasons.

She clearly is not 'too old' - she is of natural childbearing age.

There is some ageist judgmental crap on this thread.

Any individual may feel that they are personally too old (or too young, or too poor or too single etc etc) but that doesn't mean that someone else does.

It is not the norm to be decrepit at 70 - I am an older MNer and none of my friends have become the sandwich generation until the parents were mid 80s or older.

The toughest things I have seen are women aged 40 or so getting breast cancer with primary aged kids (so having had kids early 30s) , developing MS ditto. Should people refrain from having kids 'just in case'?

Hopefully the woman in the OP now has a stable, mature relationship and her child will grow up without divorce...which can happen to a woman who has a children at any age.

Everyone I know who is in their 60s is busy hiking, camping, travelling, still working full time, cold water swimming, going to the gym.....

I wonder if younger mothers are thinking about having a baby as an older Mum from the perspective of 'starting all that again', having been worn out by child rearing?

I had a child at 43, it was no hassle at all.

I hate the judgement of older mothers. She may be a brilliant mother for all anyone knows. Why should she be childless just because she’ll be older?

Only appropriate response is ‘how wonderful-congratulations’.

@Mapletreelane

Wowsers! I can't believe people judging on age saying she is selfish. Where do they draw the line at judging? A young mum? Single mum? Mum who already has 5 kids? Mum who smokes? Overweight mum? Younger mum who's own mother died of breast cancer in 40s? Mum who has health issues? Absolutely ridiculous. Women in my great grandma's generation carried on giving birth in their late 40s. Congratulations to your friend and as long as she provides a loving and safe environment it is nobody's business. X

This!

OP doesn't seem interested in the replies.

If she was too old then she wouldn't have been able to conceive. I'd rather have had a mum who was in her 40s having me as opposed to my reality as a child; a mum who was in her 20s when she had me and was abusive in every way imaginable.

It's the person not the age.

My dad left my mum , married a woman half his age and now has three children under the age of five. He’s 66. He also expects us (older children, all in late 20s and 30s) to do his childcare. Now that’s a selfish prick.

Good luck to your friend. Very good chance that she’ll be able to set the child up nicely through to early adulthood.

Both my parents were dead by 70yo. Cancer for both, no risk factors such as smoking or obesity. I’d certainly be worried about the potential of leaving a teenager/young adult as an orphan with no siblings either

Same with my parents. Also an only child.

It was unbelievably hard caring for them and my own children aswell with no sibling support. Of course, how people choose to have their families is none of my damn business and I would never comment on it.

However, it is ALSO very unfair of others to dismiss concerns like this because many of us have been through it and its very minimising to say "it doesnt matter" or that just because they know of 90 year olds running marathons that other people's experiences arent important or just as valid.

I would genuinely be wishing her well and at the same time praying it would never happen to me. I cannot imagine having a baby at 46. By that age I want to be majorly slowing down in life.

Lost my dad when I was 40, aged 66. No reason not to believe she will not be in good health at 70/75/80. My mum is 75 and does not need looking after.
Good luck to her, not ideal but not a disaster, more important to ensure they will have financial stability. It will be tough on her physically but the best of luck.
I do now at least 2 mums that have had kids in late forties one child in now a teenager the other 6 or 7.

Is 46 too old? Yes it is, for a number of reasons. But sometimes that's just how things happen, and your other friend should keep her mouth shut and be more supportive. And even though I think it's too old, if I'd been in your friends situation (not meeting the right person until I was that age) I may well have thought differently about having a child at 46 and done the same.

Far too old

I think things have really changed with parenting these days - I often get mistaken for my grandchildrens' Mum and I very clearly look all of my 50 years.

If she's happy, nothing else matters.

@strawberrypip

I don't trust threads like this at all. peoples opinions on having a baby over a certain age is well documented on here. seems like a deliberate attempt to stir up some drama.

I supposed had OP worded the thread title

to think that at 46 it's OKAY to have a baby?

it might have brought the more cynical elements crawling out of the woodwork.

#DefinitelyNotaTAAT

People generally seem to be happy with the fact that 'families come in all shapes and sizes' - unless the mother is 46. Ageist and sexist.

My mum had my youngest brother at 43 and I can assure you it has had zero negative impact on our lives. If anything it’s net positive as we were much much better off financially than if my parents had us in their twenties. And they had no less energy that I ever noticed. They’re still incredibly healthy at nearly 70. And realistically the vast majority of older mothers are higher socio economic groups so statistically much less likely to have poor health until much older age.

The only slightly sad thing is the fact if we also wait until our late thirties to have children our parents will be pretty old grandparents. But my grandmother was a fairly old grandmother (67 when my brother was born) and we were super close and she’s still going strong at 99.

It boils my blood when people say it’s selfish or wrong. Do they really think 5-10 years makes that much difference?

Look , we are all entitled to our personal opinion and it might not be popular or please others.
Yes I think 46 is too old , but that's one of those opinions you need to keep very much to yourself. I would support my friend and genuinely be thrilled for her . Because 46 is too old for me, shes the one having the baby so obviously its not too old for her

Not convinced this isn't a reverse of the other thread.