To think at 46 my friend isn’t too old to be having a baby

[Tellmelies65]

My lovely friend has just announced she’s pregnant with her first at 46. She just didn’t meet the right person until now. A friend we have in common has messaged saying how outrageous it is.

I'm that age. I don't think I could handle the sleepless nights at this age and the stress. But I can understand why. I think it would be different if she already had more. On the other hand, this child will have an old mother.

My mum had me at that age (my dad was 47) and I couldn't have wished for better or more devoted parents. Anyone who can't be happy for your friend should keep their traps shut.

@Micah

According to threads on here, a great many parents expect their 40/50 year old children to be running around after them. At least by that age, people dont usually have young children as well so it's at least easier to help when your parents are on the phone every week expected you to do stuff for them.

Hope your pregnancy, or your article, goes well, @Tellmelies65.

My gran had her youngest at 45. He kept her young, I never thought of her as being an older mum even though she had grandchildren older than her last few children.

If you are asking for an opinion I think 46 is too old to be having a first child.

But I wouldn't say it to the person, as there as so many factors, and it would most likely be hurtful to them.

I know someone who had a baby at 47. Don't see the problem. He's very much loved, no scrimping to get by for them, and she takes him to all the clubs and days out constantly. For some families it's ideal, and I doubt any of us would turn our nose up at a very comfortable and loving upbringing for a child.

Interesting, isn't it?
Many women who subscribe to the "my body, my choice" mantra thinks that only applies to women in their teens or twenties…

Congratulations to your friend. I'm sure she'll make a wonderful mother…

No one would criticise a 46 year old father, or even a 56 year old one!

There are genuine issues at that age but friends should be supportive now she’s passed the planning stage.

Too old at the school gate!

@Cornettoninja

Well she’s pregnant now, it doesn’t make any difference whether it’s right or wrong. I don’t think it’s as rare as women would like to believe for women to have a late baby. My MIL mistook her last pregnancy for the menopause at a similar age.

I hope she has a healthy, uneventful pregnancy.

There's far more to late parenthood, than getting through the pregnancy safely. Advancing age continues unrelenting! A woman who gives birth at 47, is going to face menopause while she has a young active child.She's going to be in her 60's when the teenage rebellion and hormones ramp up; then retire on a smaller income just as the kid might face the expense of university.

Ah that’s lovely for her. I bet she had thought she wouldn’t have children.

It might not be ideal for the resulting child but then again there are very few ‘ideal’ situations. Good for her; the other pal can piss right off with her judgements!

I think it’s brilliant for her, obviously some possible concerns for the health of the baby but not selfish. I married DH2 when I was almost 45 and he was 50. So many people asked if we would have a child. We already had 6 between us so didn’t want any more but it was obviously not considered too old by all those who asked.

Nothing to do with anyone else. Your friend is bloody rude and no doubt wouldn’t say it to the friend who’s pregnant, only behind her back.

@Sstarlight

I actually agree, I think it's pretty selfish.

Surely having a baby by choice at any age is selfish by definition? The issue is around the age of the mother, their physical capacity to manage, their financial situation and their emotional situation.

Well i didnt give birth at 46 but did adopt a baby when I was 50 .I have grown up children and a long term foster child as well.
My youngest 2 have v complex needs so sleep is often in short supply but it feels no different to being a mum in my 20s or 30s to be honest .
I really believe it is all about mental attitude and if people want to have children in their 40s and can cope then why do people even have the right to an opinion on the matter.

Is she fuck ‘too old’. Fucking hell. My mum fosters newborns from birth until adoption, alone, and she’s 61.

" Before contraception this was not uncommon btw, both my grandmothers had babies at 45."

Probably not their first babies though? I would think having a first baby at 46 is harder on the woman's body.

@McCanne

Is she fuck ‘too old’. Fucking hell. My mum fosters newborns from birth until adoption, alone, and she’s 61.

Fosterig is a completely different situation.

Well I was 44 when I had our DS (our first and only).

I see some of the parents who twenty years younger who are absolutely awful parents and I see some of them who are absolutely brilliant.

I know of some of his friends parents who literally used the TV to bring them up, who rarely went to parent and baby groups, whose kids spend the days gaming at the moment. The fact the kids are doing well seems more a lot of luck than any work by the mum or dad.

Then I see those of similar ages who took their kids out for hikes across fields and beaches every day during the first lockdown, who oversaw all their school work and seem to enjoy their kids being around.

The point is that, 24 or 44, doesn't guarantee energy levels, interest or care. Those things come from inside. I didn't find it easy being an older mum in the early days but I made damn sure DS didn't suffer because of it. He went to every kiddy club, every event, every invitation to the park even if I didn't feel up to it. I probably put in more effort to ensure my energy levels didn't impact on him and I had more time because we were financially secure so I didn't have to work and I'd got to the top as far as my particular career was concerned. In fact I then started my own business - something I couldn't have down even 10 years before that as I didn't have the time or money.

And his dad, who was 50 when he was born, has taken him swimming every weekend, off to cinema visits, football matches, drama clubs and after school things in just the same way as the younger dads (more in some cases).

That boy knows he is loved, that we're proud of him, that we are interested in his views and take them on board and that we will support him in everything he wants to do and that is all that matters.

I hope your friend ignores the petty comments and that she has a wonderful pregnancy with many years of watching her child grow. None of us know what's around the corner. As my mum was almost 91 when she died I'm hoping I'll get my son to his late 40s before I have to say goodbye though!

"By that age I want to be majorly slowing down in life."

Majorly slowing down in life? At 46? 👀

I’m sure she would have loved to have done it younger.

I’m happy for her and I hope she and the baby stay well.

@Littlewhitedove2

For those saying she is too old- her body clearly doesn’t agree!! If she was too old, she wouldn’t have conceived. Some people have such strange ideas.

Depends whether it was a natural conception surely?

I think it's fine for your friend to voice her disapproving opinion to you, although not to the pregnant woman.

It's far too old. Selfish. Child may be expected to become a carer for her parent at 30 years of age!

At 46/47 she'll be bloody knackered.

High risk of pregnancy failing too. Old women's bodies aren't generally fit to grow babies. Biology means 20s much better. Can't fight biology. Life isn't fair.