To think at 46 my friend isn’t too old to be having a baby

[Tellmelies65]

My lovely friend has just announced she’s pregnant with her first at 46. She just didn’t meet the right person until now. A friend we have in common has messaged saying how outrageous it is.

Is that friend messaging people who can't afford children but still decide to have one

women who decide to have a child at 18

women who get pregnant whilst overweight

women who get pregnant when clearly not physically fit for a child? Smokers, unhealthy, unfit parent?

No? Didn't think so. I wouldn't call the rude and judgemental idiot a "friend".

I don't think it's a great idea, but I wouldn't say anything to her or her friends. Particularly now she's already pregnant.

If she had asked for opinions before starting to conceive then maybe .

It’s not really for your other friend to comment on tbh
Yes, she definitely pushing it age wise but it all depends what sort of person she is
My son has just turned 2 and I’m just about to turn 46 - I don’t feel any different to when my daughter was 2 and I was 28?!
Yes there’s the risk of dying and leaving them at a young age but that could happen anyway - illness or accidents could take any parent of any age away

You friend is being very unreasonable to message that behind her other friends back.

She is not being unreasonable to think it, but she should keep those thoughts to herself.

@Cam77

LMAO you’d think all 30 somethings were Olympic athletes walking 10km a day with their small children. “Oh it’s so selfish you won’t be able to swim the Channel together on her for her 16th birthday”. Er, no 1/3 of us are extremely overweight and something like 1/4 are clinically obese. She’s probably going to dote on that child and give a lot more time and attention than most parents do and will probably look after herself better as well.

You may be forgetting that some of us have had to care for parents in their 60s/70s so that will of course affect our opinion on it.

If your parents are healthy and happy at that age then great- thats brilliant. But for those of us who have had to look after both young kids and older parents at the same time, its utterly exhausting and it can cause serious mental health problems being in the "sandwich generation" where you are trying to look after everyone. If you havent experienced this, then you really do have no idea how stressful it can be.

My friend's father was fifty when she and her twin sister were born. He was in his sixties when they entered their teens and yet no one is saying that is unfair to children.

@Sstarlight and for all those saying it’s selfish to have a baby at 46?

What about a baby at 18, 21, 23? Or any age really if you have to rely on hand outs from the government in terms of UC, tax credits etc?

Is it selfish to have a baby as a single Mother ?
Is it selfish to have a baby when you are overweight ?
Or genetically predisposed to an illness or allergy ?

Procreation is generally a selfish act in itself since we are overpopulated and saturating our world.

Outrageous comments on here. They think it’s selfish because it doesn’t suit their narrative. Your friendship group are bitches. I wish your friend a happy, stress free pregnancy and birth and a beautiful health child at the end.

Oh how silly.

Years ago before good birth control, women had babies right up to their 50s.

If she is willing to take the risk of possible birth defects or have tests for screening hem, it's up to her.

No one bats an eyelid when men in their mid 40s become fathers.

People don’t judge men in the same way and say it’s selfish. In fact a man having one at that age wouldn’t get an eyelid bat. And they don’t live as long as women.
I’d say she’s done the hard bit in getting pregnant. I don’t see why it should be any different than a man after that.

I don't trust threads like this at all. peoples opinions on having a baby over a certain age is well documented on here. seems like a deliberate attempt to stir up some drama.

I hope your newly pregnant friend doesn't decide to join mumsnet for support and advice.
She will think we are indeed a nest of vipers.
Good luck to her.
My friend had a pregnancy at 49. Wasn't planned. Her DC is in their teens now and all very happy.

I think your body knows what it's capable of and your fertility depends on that.
My father is healthy 72 and my brother 29. As far as im aware no one has ever commented on my father not being capable.
Congratulations to your pregnant friend. I would give texty friend a wide wide berth. She's sounds like a very sour woman.

It wouldn't be my preference but I'd never judge someone for getting pregnant at 46. Life doesn't always go as planned, and if she'd met her partner earlier perhaps she'd have had a child earlier but that's not how it worked out for her.

I think the mutual "friend" is a being a bitch and I'd just completely ignore her message.

Will she be a good mum? Thats the most inportant thing.

@AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter

70 is not old enough to need worrying about IMO

Thats not been my experience at all- all my friends are caring for parents who are around age 70.

And my experience in older people's social care says that is very rare.

I had my first at 19; people were quite vocal about me being "too young" so don't know why it's considered rude to say 46 is too old when actually that fact is supported by a massively increased medical risk to mum and baby.

I agree with the mutual friend, I would hold a personal view that 46 is too old to have a baby.

My mum was 40 when she had me 40 years ago and I hated having old parents.

Personally at 40 I'd struggle with a baby or toddler now.
I do think 46 is too old but I'd never say that to the expectant parents.

Imo that's too old (my DM became a grandmother to my DD at that age), but I wouldn't say so.

My stepmum was 30 when my youngest sister was born. My dad was mid 40s. Stepmum died of cancer just after my sister’s 14th birthday. My dad is not far off 70 now and still cycling 100 miles a day.

There are no guarantees in life.

People don’t judge men in the same way and say it’s selfish. In fact a man having one at that age wouldn’t get an eyelid bat. And they don’t live as long as women.

This.

And my experience in older people's social care says that is very rare

Life expectancy for men in UK is 79, and 83 for women. Thats based on actual statistics so it cannot be "very rare" unless all those dying are perfectly healthy until age 79/81 and are just dropping down dead!

It wouldn't be my choice but then I was fortunate enough to have my 3dc by the time I was 30. Your friend should keep her opinions to herself.

Congrats to your friend! Ignore the other person.

A friend of a dd had her 2nd at 45 and dd was nearly 43 when she had no. 3. Lots of her friends have had babies in early or mid 40s, it’s nothing at all remarkable now.

It’s purely egoistic decision so no one is thinking about what future holds for this baby. But obviously it’s their business

Golly, she is mad. No thanks. Way too risky, and yes I do think it’s selfish. I would not dream of saying that though, it is of course her call and I hope it works out well, and she and the baby are healthy and happy.