To think at 46 my friend isn’t too old to be having a baby

[Tellmelies65]

My lovely friend has just announced she’s pregnant with her first at 46. She just didn’t meet the right person until now. A friend we have in common has messaged saying how outrageous it is.

@shallbe

70 is not old enough to need worrying about IMO

My grandmother was 70 when she had her first stroke and needed caring for until she died at 80. My other grandmother died before she even got to 70. My grandad also had his first stroke early 70s. Generally quite healthy people too. I am very much expecting to be needed when my parents are 70s, I will be pleasantly surprised if not!

My granny died early seventies but my DM her daughter is in her early nineties. 70 is not old. I have 70 year old relatives in their seventies still doing child care and gladly may I add. Tbh if you think that once you are in your seventies you are now old and decrepit that mindset will make you old before your time. I have 70 plus neighbours living full lives driving and going on holiday etc. My dp didn't need me until mid eighties and that wasn't full on care just a bit extra. Years ago lots of women had babies in their forties as basically if your still having periods and having sex then yes mother nature will do what's she's always done. Some women don't go through menopause until their fifties so theoretically they could have a baby at 50 which has happened I believe. Wouldn't be my choice but not my business. It's between the mum dad and doctor and none else.

I don't see why it is too old. 40s is relatively young.. I have friends who have older mums and none have ever mentioned it being a problem. Am sure they are glad they exist.

@CheeseIsMyVice

She’s probably quite aged to be sailing through a pregnancy, but she’s not too old to be a mother!

Age might bump up your odds of complications/mild problems but it’s not a given being younger means it’s easier though.

I’ve had pregnant friends in their 20’s/30’s had SPD/Hyperemesis/pre-eclampsia. I think a lot of it is genes and luck tbh.

Hugh a grant actually said the kids were exhausting at his age and both he and George Clooney have enough money to ensure that the children don't become their carers. It's not mysogenistic to say women over 45 are too old to have children. Our bodies weren't really made to have children that late and whilst the odd person gets pregnant naturally at that age it is very unusual. And you do have less energy - that's a fact. I noticed the difference between being pregnant in my early and then late 30s. I don't think it's mysogenistic at all to say she is too old in the same way as it's not mysogenistic to say a 16 year old who is physically capable of getting pregnant is too young. I think it is selfish because they are not considering the impact on the child which was articulately laid out by a PP. But I wouldn't say anything to her

Well my mum was 44 having me and my dad was 58. My dad died when I was 16 and I am now 34 with a healthy and moderately active 78 year old mum. I know I don’t have much time left with her and that does make me sad. I don’t want to move far away from home because then I would see her less and I know I will miss her so much when she’s gone. For this reason I feel a bit like my wings are clipped (or I did feel like this in my 20s) and the expectation and fear of being ‘orphaned’ has always been in the back of my mind. So, the downsides are real.
But do I think my parents were selfish? No. Do I think it would be better not to exist than live this life of mine? Of course not! How absurd!

Are women who have chronic health conditions selfish for having children? Parents who are disabled? Parents who are overweight? Parents who have a mental health condition?
Of course not! These things may all affect long term health, lead to early death or possibly cause child to become a carer at some point - but life is imperfect! Who promised you ‘ideal’ circumstances or said that anything less than ideal shouldn’t even be contemplated?
I have had a fantastic life so far thank you very much and a lovely relationship with my mother. I miss my father very much indeed. I am still glad I knew him and glad I exist

I had my miracle baby at almost 44 after 10yrs ttc and 5 private ivf

I wanted to be 32 but Mother Nature didn’t play ball. Then my husband died

Yes I’m older then a lot of my friends who had their children in 20/30’s

But she is loved and happy and wants for nothing

Yes I may be more tired then a young mum but I’ve also got more patience and not wanting to be out every weekend

@KatharinaRosalie

if my daughter decided to have a child at 46 then I’d tell her my view on the situation

You would tell your childless 46 year old daughter, who is finally happily pregnant with long awaited baby, that she's too old and should not have children?

I’d tell my daughter whatever I felt. It would depend on her circumstances and why she got to 46 before having a child to which there could be many reasons. But ultimately yes I’d tell her she’s getting on and too old to be having children. Doesn’t mean I wouldn’t love any grandchildren that she went on to have even if I thought she was batshit for being midlife before she did it.

To all the people getting so offended. This is an anonymous Internet forum where people can state their opinions freely. I very much doubt anyone would actually say anything hurtful in real life, but people will have different views based on their own life experiences. That is allowed. Not everyone has to think having a baby in your mid 40s is a wonderful idea.

My sister I law will have number 2 at 45, I’m a bit concerned about her age and it’s not what I’d choose for myself, but what I said was “congratulations! What lovely news, I’m so pleased for you”. I know how wanted this baby is, they’ve been trying for 4 years for it. My brother is also 9 years younger. Do I think it would be better if she was 10 years younger...? of course I do! But I’d never say that to her! I’m not horrible.

My opinion is formed from my experiences with my own mother (much younger sibling who hated having older parents) and also through my work, where I have seen many healthy 50 something struck down. It’s a lot more common than I would have ever thought before.

People slate young mothers all the time and that appears to be acceptable. I was a young mother and it worked out wonderfully for me and the majority of my friends in the same situation. Do I think that every young mother finds it easy and has a wonderful experience? Of course I don’t. People experiences are all different and those experiences will inform what they post on this anonymous forum.

I think it’s fine. Personally I’m done at 46 and looking forward to my kids being grown up but I don’t feel any older or more knackered than I did in my 20’s.
I expect some of the answers are regional and where women have their children younger. Here mid to late 30’s is the norm for a first baby, second or third in early 40’s is totally normal. I know a few people who were in their mid 40’s for their first and the only thing I think is good for them.

15 pages of heartfelt opinion and one cursory response not even saying thank you. @Tellmelies65 is either a journalist, a goady troll or just plain rude.

It's astonishing how many judgemental posters let themselves go and picture themselves as invalid and decrepit at 50 or 60. YOU might. Others won't and will be more youthful than you'll ever be. Life is too short to give up on yourself so early, why aren't you making an effort instead of judging someone perfectly happy with a baby in their mid 40s?

What is sad also, is women who are made to think that menopause is a curse that will destroy them. The lack of medical care in this country is depressing as always. You don't have to suffer through menopause, there is medical help available, and resources. Do not be afraid to ask and demand, women do not have to suffer in silence.

Just because the system is shit in the UK doesn't mean you have to accept it, and injuries post-birth, bad periods, menopause are not something that you are stuck with. They really aren't.

I was born when my mum was 43. We have a great relationship, although now I'm in my thirties I am desperately sad to not have seen her for almost a year as she's shielding. This shouldn't be a problem for your friends baby though.

@ZaZathecat

It makes me angry how people judge a woman for having a baby at 46. Nobody would bat an eyelid if it was a man.

That's because he will not be suffering the effects of pregnancy and hormonal changes in his body. She, on the other hand, will be menopausal and with a very young child in a couple of years

So what if she is menopausal? Does it mean she will automatically slob in front of the tv every evenings and weekends in her dressing gown/ sorry lounge wear set?

meanwhile 30 year olds parents will be busy coaching sports team, taking the kids on interesting and fun weekend away, sports competition and organising fantastic parties?

yeah right 😂 that is totally what happens in the real world

I think lots of people look much younger and healthier than their actual age, 46 is not old. My DM’s cousin had a healthy baby ,naturally, at 47, a couple of months prior to her eldest DD having her own baby LOL! She managed just fine, child is a teen now and is loved and well looked after and the mother looks younger than her actual age which must be 62!

All this ideal age and other factors to have a baby.

Very rarely achieved in real life.

Women are either too young, too old, have too many babies or too few, get criticised fir working while pregnant or not continuing to work while pregnant, get criticised for being full time working mothers, part time or non working mothers, not active enough, too active, not ambitious enough for their children, too ambitious.

Just what is the point in saying someone who gets pregnant is "too old"? A significant number of humans wouldn't be alive today if their mothers had not had them in their late forties. It's biologically possible, so in biological terms, it's impossible for it to be "too old".

I think what's emerged from this thread is that some posters age unusually quickly, and quite possibly their own attitudes don't help with that. I do a lot of sport, and it's not in unusual to see women in their forties who do sport looking younger than u healthier women in their twenties. It's farcical to suggest that all women in their late forties will struggle to run around after their children.

@Iknowwhatudidlastsummer

So what if she is menopausal? Does it mean she will automatically slob in front of the tv every evenings and weekends in her dressing gown/ sorry lounge wear set?

meanwhile 30 year olds parents will be busy coaching sports team, taking the kids on interesting and fun weekend away, sports competition and organising fantastic parties?

yeah right 😂 that is totally what happens in the real world

You have just accurately described the difference between my younger siblings experience (older parents) and my children’s experience (younger parents) 😂 (except I don’t coach sports teams, but have done many theatre related activities).

I know this isn’t accurate for everyone one and my parents are not a good example of older parents.

I also highly doubt anyone goes from fertile enough to reproduce, to menopausal, in just a year or two.
And so what? Worse than being menopausal with a hormonal teen or two?

@CheetasOnFajitas

15 pages of heartfelt opinion and one cursory response not even saying thank you. *@Tellmelies65* is either a journalist, a goady troll or just plain rude.

It's a bit odd to not even engage with your own thread isn't it?

I really don't get the vitriol

What vitriol? OP asked for opinions, people gave them. There's a wide variety of answers but I've not spotted any vitriol - the definition of which is 'bitter criticism or malice' . Why do people always over exaggerate?

Pretending mid-40s women are decrepit individuals past their date is not enough for you? How far does it need to go before you call it "vitriol"?!

Who has said that? Can you link where someone has said that sentence? Or are you another one using over dramatic language to try and make your point sound more valid?

People are staggeringly rude, your friend is lucky to have you.
I am 48 and pregnant with my first. I am fit and healthy and look ten years younger than I am. It’s also no one else’s business.

Good for you @LittleTiger007 ! I had my one and only at nearly 46, I am 57 now and not in the least "knackered" as the rude people on this thread would imply! I went back to work full-time as a hospital consultant when DS was three months old, I breast fed him for two and a half years, I never felt "knackered"! Tired sometimes? In need of a break? Of course, who doesn't? That's life. Don't listen to the nonsense on here!