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Original poster

To think at 46 my friend isn’t too old to be having a baby

969 replies

Tellmelies65 · 02/01/2021 15:23

My lovely friend has just announced she’s pregnant with her first at 46. She just didn’t meet the right person until now. A friend we have in common has messaged saying how outrageous it is.

OP posts:
CaptainSandy · 03/01/2021 00:09

It was the "even" part that was rude.

Even women can be good drivers.
Even black people can be doctors.
Even old bags can be adequate mothers

Its offensive.

Dreahil1 · 03/01/2021 00:14

@CaptainSandy firstly you need to get over yourself. I’m entitled to my opinion toughen up it’s MN.

I don’t think I have said anything overly bad tbh. Older mums have suggested that younger mums are less finically secure and I don’t complain about it in fact I agree with the poster it’s true in some cases and someone mentioned patience I also think that can be true as well.

You want it all. Stop nick picking FGS you seem very miserable.

Wheresmykimchi · 03/01/2021 00:15

For the 'the child will be at uni when the parents are 75 and need help ' brigade

In the last year , I know of three people who either died at 30-40 with young children or died at 50 with kids in their twenties.

HTH.

Dreahil1 · 03/01/2021 00:15

@CaptainSandy

It was the "even" part that was rude.

Even women can be good drivers.
Even black people can be doctors.
Even old bags can be adequate mothers

Its offensive.

Also your whole view is one sided I cannot bare to have this debate any longer with people that will only consider their own views.
CaptainSandy · 03/01/2021 00:15

You took all that from my posts? Chill. You're projecting.

user1471604848 · 03/01/2021 00:18

I think you'd look at it very differently if you are 46 with grown-up children, versus 46 and childless but wanting children.

At 46, I was childless and desperately wanted children. I wasn't worn-out from years of child rearing, but instead full of energy from living a busy, active life.

Now at 48, I've 10 month old twins. It's amazing!

My parents also had me in their 40s - they are now 90 and 91, very healthy, and love playing with the babies. Hopefully I'll live as long as my parents, in which case the twins will be well into their 40s.
As a child, I was so proud to have an older mum, since she had a career before having kids (which was unusual 50 years ago).

Thisisworsethananticpated · 03/01/2021 00:18

Didn’t many women have babies when older in the days of yore
If a woman can naturally procreate late 40s - why the drama

Thefeep · 03/01/2021 00:18

She’s far too old but it’s her choice ultimately. I’m a similar age and couldn’t imagine anything worse!

Wheresmykimchi · 03/01/2021 00:19

@Thefeep

She’s far too old but it’s her choice ultimately. I’m a similar age and couldn’t imagine anything worse!
The fact she conceived a child would suggest she isn't.
Thisisworsethananticpated · 03/01/2021 00:19

user1471604848

Ah ! Congrats 🤗

PolkadotGiraffe · 03/01/2021 00:25

@user1471604848

I think you'd look at it very differently if you are 46 with grown-up children, versus 46 and childless but wanting children.

At 46, I was childless and desperately wanted children. I wasn't worn-out from years of child rearing, but instead full of energy from living a busy, active life.

Now at 48, I've 10 month old twins. It's amazing!

My parents also had me in their 40s - they are now 90 and 91, very healthy, and love playing with the babies. Hopefully I'll live as long as my parents, in which case the twins will be well into their 40s.
As a child, I was so proud to have an older mum, since she had a career before having kids (which was unusual 50 years ago).

That is wonderful. Smile
PolkadotGiraffe · 03/01/2021 00:27

[quote Dreahil1]@PolkadotGiraffe a couple of posters have used the word prick.

Is that all you took from my post?[/quote]
Your post implied I had said that, which I hadn't. So yes, that's the main thing that struck me about your post.

Was there another point of substance that you meant to send specifically to me, since your post tagged me?

blueberryporridge · 03/01/2021 00:27

Lots of disgustingly ageist comments on here and also worrying that so many posters feel clapped out by their late 30s. I’m 57 with a 14 year old and 10 year old and I am in no way clapped out. I am active and happy and so are they. Get a life and a grip, you miserable and judgemental lot. Having a baby by choice is a marvellous thing at any age so enough with the pearl clutching and judgy pants. And if you are all feeling so knackered in your 30s and 40s perhaps it’s time you did something positive about it because it doesn’t have to be that way, you know.

Userzzz · 03/01/2021 00:29

Too old.

PolkadotGiraffe · 03/01/2021 00:31

@Dreahil1

The rest of it also seemed to be aimed at someone else:

. I’m not sure why some seem so offended nobody is saying your not a fabulous mother I’m sure you are even at 46.... just because I think it’s a bit old does that change anything NO? I can still think your fab!

I am not offended and I haven't had any children in my 40s. In fact I haven't even reached my 40s. Your personal assumptions about me are wrong I'm afraid. My comments were simply that this judgemental attitude to women and motherhood and age is ridiculous.

Icepinkeskimo · 03/01/2021 00:33

Why does anyone's opinion count? Your friend is happy she's in love and she's pregnant. That is the main thing, good luck to her, it's a beautiful surprise for her. If my friend is happy I'm happy that she's happy. There are too many judgemental opinions lately, people need to zip their lips and and go with the flow.

MisfitRightIn · 03/01/2021 00:34

@Iknowwhatudidlastsummer

Is that friend messaging people who can't afford children but still decide to have one

women who decide to have a child at 18

women who get pregnant whilst overweight

women who get pregnant when clearly not physically fit for a child? Smokers, unhealthy, unfit parent?

No? Didn't think so. I wouldn't call the rude and judgemental idiot a "friend".

Yes, this exactly. The friend is rude. All your pregnant friend needs is congrats.
Cattenberg · 03/01/2021 00:41

@Sunshiney1981

I’m actually heartened by all the support from women to women on this thread.

Apart from a few narrow minded pricks who think 46 is decrepit or something and that your ovaries have shrivelled up, many responses have been open minded, supportive, intelligent and kind.

I’d ever thought about it before but the whole notion that as a woman you’re ‘over the hill’ at 35 or 40 and that your reproductive system suddenly shuts down is more misogynistic bullshit. More of the same crap meant to keep women tamed and in their place.

At 35, my ovaries were certainly past their best. It was very obvious on an ultrasound scan. I was lucky that my egg quality turned out to be OK. Many women TTC in their 40s aren’t so fortunate.

In some ways, it would be lovely if women remained fertile for most of their lives, but it isn’t narrow-minded to point out that they don’t. I was so naive when I first enquired about IVF. I thought that as long as I was ovulating, I would still be fertile. I also thought that expensive fertility treatment enabled Hollywood celebrities to get pregnant in their late 40s or early 50s. I subsequently found out that many of those celebrities had used donor eggs, and it came as a shock. I still have no idea why a woman’s ovaries age faster than her uterus.

Anyway, if a 46-year-old friend announced her long-awaited pregnancy, I’d be very happy for her. But if she’d conceived naturally, I’d be worried about her risk of miscarriage and how devastating that would be for her. And however she’d conceived, I’d be concerned about the risks to her health. But I’d try to be positive.

user1471604848 · 03/01/2021 00:42

@PolkadotGiraffe and @Thisisworsethananticpated
Thanks! :)

Just thinking - I also have a younger brother, and as young kids, we never even noticed our parents were older than those of our friends.

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 03/01/2021 00:43

I think it's wonderful that she has been able to have a child. She has waited so long, she must be absolutely thrilled.

The 'friend' who made that mean comment has been lucky that her life plan worked out. She needs to be told to wind her neck in.

I get a feeling that all those who shout 'too old' have been lucky to meet the right person when they were younger.

When you haven't had a baby in your 20s and 30s you have loads of energy in your 40s. It's really not a struggle physically or financially (well neither myself, my sister or my sister in law thought so anyway!).

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 03/01/2021 00:56

@user1471604848 totally agree with you. I'm 54 with an 11yr old. Love being a mum to my miracle baby.

Congratulations to you too Thanks

Pippa234 · 03/01/2021 01:03

"I get a feeling that all those who shout 'too old' have been lucky to meet the right person when they were younger."

See to me having a baby was extremely important to me it didn't depend on me meeting 'the right person.'
If I hadn't have had a baby by the time I was 28 I would have gone for a sperm donor.
I would never have waited until my chance could be taken away from me through age, because the facts are your fertility starts to decline from 35 and the chances of abnormalities with the baby increase.
I always remember a friend of my Mum's heavily pregnant at 37 saying to me how she always had wanted to wait until she met 'the right person' 'the one' to get married and have a baby which she did. A few years later he left her.

I don't have this romantic view in life that you have to wait for 'the right person' because people can change once you have a baby with them.

TableFlowerss · 03/01/2021 01:09

@Pippa234

"I get a feeling that all those who shout 'too old' have been lucky to meet the right person when they were younger."

See to me having a baby was extremely important to me it didn't depend on me meeting 'the right person.'
If I hadn't have had a baby by the time I was 28 I would have gone for a sperm donor.
I would never have waited until my chance could be taken away from me through age, because the facts are your fertility starts to decline from 35 and the chances of abnormalities with the baby increase.
I always remember a friend of my Mum's heavily pregnant at 37 saying to me how she always had wanted to wait until she met 'the right person' 'the one' to get married and have a baby which she did. A few years later he left her.

I don't have this romantic view in life that you have to wait for 'the right person' because people can change once you have a baby with them.

The argument against that could be that it’s not fair to actively bring a child in to the world as a single parent..... using a sperm doner. They’ll never get the chance of a father figure....

I’m not saying I believe the above, I’m illustrating there’s pros and cons to all situations

CheetasOnFajitas · 03/01/2021 01:10

Hugh Grant has had five children since he turned 51. George Clooney’s twins were born when he was 56. Nobody batted an eyelid.

CounsellorTroi · 03/01/2021 01:12

I’d ever thought about it before but the whole notion that as a woman you’re ‘over the hill’ at 35 or 40 and that your reproductive system suddenly shuts down is more misogynistic bullshit.

I was and mine did - not suddenly but I had run out of eggs by 40.

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