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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think at 46 my friend isn’t too old to be having a baby

969 replies

Tellmelies65 · 02/01/2021 15:23

My lovely friend has just announced she’s pregnant with her first at 46. She just didn’t meet the right person until now. A friend we have in common has messaged saying how outrageous it is.

OP posts:
Ylvamoon · 02/01/2021 20:41

Personally I think 46 is to old... but I would never say anything in RL - her body, her life.

AlwaysLatte · 02/01/2021 20:43

@randomer That's not very nice.

Pippa234 · 02/01/2021 20:45

"I actually asked my doctor about how late I could have a child as at 38 I'm concerned about how long it might take me to find right person and their advice was before 45 is best because risk of downs syndrome i belive it is is lower and also you might menopause earlier than most after 45 isn't a problem but risk of downs syndrome increases as well as it being more difficult to conceive. But she emphasised as long as your healthy its fine."

Chances of downs syndrome increase after 35.
I believe its 1 in 100 at age 40 and increases the older you get.

randomer · 02/01/2021 20:48

No its not very nice but neither is messing about and having a kid at 50.

Thedogscollar · 02/01/2021 20:49

@randomer
And your idea that you can be judge and jury over someone else's decisions is even more disgusting. How bloody dare you.

Goshthatsmyneighbour · 02/01/2021 20:50

For those saying it's selfish, if you had an accidental pregnancy at that age - would you terminate ?

Frenchdressing · 02/01/2021 20:50

@randomer

It's not about ageism,its biology.The 46 year old will have all that oestrogen running through her.Trust me,when that departs you wouldn't want a hormonal pre teen demanding attention.
Me and my 15 YO have a great relationship. Amazing how us oldies can just get on with life instead of crumbling like the wizened crones we are.
Dreahil1 · 02/01/2021 20:54

@Goshthatsmyneighbour

For those saying it's selfish, if you had an accidental pregnancy at that age - would you terminate ?
Yes most of us would have had kids by that age. Why would we want to start again at that age? OPs friend circumstances are that she doesn’t have any children at all.
littlepattilou · 02/01/2021 21:06

@Tellmelies65 Biscuit

SinisterBumFacedCat · 02/01/2021 21:11

@miserableannie

Awful, absolutely awful. Far too old!! I'd absolutely tell her too and be very embarrassed for her
I’m embarrassed for you that you actually thought that, and then decided to write it down too. 🤦‍♀️
secular89 · 02/01/2021 21:14

Imagine being 16 and your mum is 32 Shock

Honestly. I will be jealous.

Original poster
Tellmelies65 · 02/01/2021 21:14

She sent the message to her. She’s usually very vocal about her views on others lives. I’m supporting her as I care about her and can’t wait to meet the baby.

OP posts:
SinisterBumFacedCat · 02/01/2021 21:15

@randomer

Men =sperm producer.Women=womb,menopause. Try to comprehend
Men=fathers Women=mothers

Both worth more than the sum of their reproductive parts and windows.

applegreenpetrol · 02/01/2021 21:16

Very uneducated and unkind comments on here. I'm amazed just how well versed younger women are in older women's levels of vitality and energy Hmm

I don't judge older mothers, as often they have been through a lot to have their dcs and seem to have not only the energy but the time for their dcs.

The ones I judge most are the young women who may be medically best placed to have dcs but are emotionally, and career wise well off track. The career of both parents matters so much that the poor child is shoved in nursery from 7am-7pm every day, and then shunted off to some private school because 'they have wrap around care from 8am to 6pm.' Why not go one further and make it boarding school? Then you only have to see them in the holidays, and the au pair can cover that Hmm.

Extreme huh? No more extreme than slating every older mum as 'selfish' because she might have grey hair, or a dodgy knee and let the side down at the school gate.

The oldest mum I know was 50 when she had her 3rd. No idea if the baby was planned, but I suspect not. Amazing mum. Looks 15 years younger, loves her dc, and has time to be a parent. If I was a kid I know I'd rather she was my mum, than my high powered 30 something career driven friend who is either at work or down the gym.

Malbecfan · 02/01/2021 21:18

My lovely cousin was 45 when her DS was born. She didn't meet the right man until she was in her 40s. She is settled with a nice house and good career. She is the most chilled parent I know, and her DS is a chilled and much-loved kid.

She is actually a year older than I am, but I my DDs were at secondary school when her DS was born. I think she was brave to have a child at that age, but she is a great mum and I'm really happy for her that she had the chance.

Sparklingbrook · 02/01/2021 21:20

@Tellmelies65

She sent the message to her. She’s usually very vocal about her views on others lives. I’m supporting her as I care about her and can’t wait to meet the baby.
Oh hello, you're back. Are you going to acknowledge any of the 13 pages of replies on your thread?
Dreahil1 · 02/01/2021 21:23

@Sparklingbrook no OP was clearly stirring and I would rather have a friend txt me a view they are entitled to because at least you know where you are. Rather than OP gossiping on MN... noticed how she didn’t give her opinion. Is this your support OP? Oh dear!

SinisterBumFacedCat · 02/01/2021 21:24

@secular89

Imagine being 16 and your mum is 32 Shock

Honestly. I will be jealous.

Honed good points and bad points, being noticeably poorer than your friends, sleazy dad’s coming on to her at sports day, being considered competition for attention as soon as I was old enough, being left with the babysitter most weekends so she could go clubbing, not great. However that was mainly down to her character. It certainly informed my decision to wait to have children until I was actually ready.
Sparklingbrook · 02/01/2021 21:26

[quote Dreahil1]@Sparklingbrook no OP was clearly stirring and I would rather have a friend txt me a view they are entitled to because at least you know where you are. Rather than OP gossiping on MN... noticed how she didn’t give her opinion. Is this your support OP? Oh dear![/quote]
It did seem a bit 'wind them up and watch them go' didn't it? Oh dear indeed. Sad

Wheresmykimchi · 02/01/2021 21:30

Again, I think it's probably related to the other thread.

secular89 · 02/01/2021 21:30

However that was mainly down to her character*

I agree, it was due to her character. As many mothers, regardless of age, are like this.

Birdladybird · 02/01/2021 21:31

I'm undergoing IVF at the moment, i'm 35 and my DH is 56. I don't think that 46 is too old at all.

HeavyHeidi · 02/01/2021 21:40

@miserableannie

Imagine being assumed your granny at the school gates. Beyond embarrassing
Well that's the good thing about being more mature when having children. I couldn't care less what some randomer at school gates thinks. You really think that is a reason not to have children?
HaggisBurger · 02/01/2021 21:41

@Littlewhitedove2

For those saying she is too old- her body clearly doesn’t agree!! If she was too old, she wouldn’t have conceived. Some people have such strange ideas.
It’s incredibly unlikely she conceived other than via ivf plus donor egg
CaptainSandy · 02/01/2021 21:44

Awful, absolutely awful. Far too old!! I'd absolutely tell her too and be very embarrassed for her

You'd attempt to shame a friend into aborting a much wanted baby? Lovely.