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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think at 46 my friend isn’t too old to be having a baby

969 replies

Tellmelies65 · 02/01/2021 15:23

My lovely friend has just announced she’s pregnant with her first at 46. She just didn’t meet the right person until now. A friend we have in common has messaged saying how outrageous it is.

OP posts:
Iknowwhatudidlastsummer · 02/01/2021 19:08

@AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter

well, the whole "you're too old" argument is itself a load of rubbish

It depends what you class as "too old" doesnt it? Thats a matter of opion and will depend very much on your personal experiences of being parented by someone older

what's your cut-off then? What's the expiry date of a woman to become a mother?

Most of the kids here are parented by so-called "older" parents - who are not older at all, they are the norm.

Imapotato · 02/01/2021 19:08

*sorry for the typos!!

herecomesthsun · 02/01/2021 19:09

@AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter

well, the whole "you're too old" argument is itself a load of rubbish

It depends what you class as "too old" doesnt it? Thats a matter of opion and will depend very much on your personal experiences of being parented by someone older

so other factors are more important then aren't they, like love, attention, time for your children, etc.
firsttimeoptimist · 02/01/2021 19:10

Dont assume the partner of the person in the opening q is old! My friend had her child at 45 with her lovely husband age 36. Plus, no one ever questions that my husband was that age (yes he is older than me but not by much!). Older parents can be much more financially secure and able to really concentrate on being parents. Genetics are also a factor! My parents were older when they had me but both are still very fit grandparents and my children spent time with their great grandfather who died recently at a sprightly 101!

pinkpetal2 · 02/01/2021 19:11

My Dads awful dad had his last child at 61. She's now 21 I think, he's still shuffling around and even babysits. How I don't know but he does. Shock
Then again my own mum had my youngest sister 20 years apart from my birthday we celebrated our 1st and 21st birthday together a few years back now.
We also recently had our 7th & 27th. We are really close though even though there are siblings closer to my age etc.

Ginger33 · 02/01/2021 19:12

Haven’t read the whole thread but absolute bollocks for anyone to judge or have an opinion on the choice of any woman to have a child at any age.

Your friend may be 46 but in better health than someone in their 20’s!

MerryChristmasToYou · 02/01/2021 19:14

It's not ideal, but it isn't really anybody else's business. I know people whose mothers were in their 40s having a baby and they turned out fine.

You can end up caring for an elderly parent and having a young child at the time, also not ideal.

CaptainSandy · 02/01/2021 19:16

Mick Jagger had his last (for now) baby at age 73. I can guarantee that no-one on here would have said a single thing about it if he'd been 46 though.
Double standards.

CuteBear · 02/01/2021 19:18

@TableFlowerss
No one will necessarily know their age either. In primary school, kids are too young to realise how old parents are. In secondary school they generally make their own way to school.

Children are incredibly nosy. When I was in primary school, children compared their parents’ ages. No idea why. Children also notice when parents are older than most.

rhowton · 02/01/2021 19:24

Way to old to have kids!

Girlwhowearsglasses · 02/01/2021 19:26

Pffft

If your body will do it then by definition you're not 'too old'

Nobody would have that as their optimum choice in life but really, not much about life is optimum.

Good luck to her

Thewinterofdiscontent · 02/01/2021 19:28

Oder parents can be much more financially secure.
I hate this as a reason for having kids. Less well off parents live their kids just as much and provide the nurturing kids need; love, time, himour, sense of worth etc.
Kids have been born into poverty throughout the ages and make a success of life. Most of from the 70’s were “ poor”. In 2021 we should be ensuring the gap between rich and poor shrinks, not using it as an arguement for success.

Mumtwoboys90 · 02/01/2021 19:30

Definitely too old

Sparklingbrook · 02/01/2021 19:31

539 posts but OP hasn't returned to the thread.

VestaTilley · 02/01/2021 19:31

Your other friend is right. It’s too old, and unfair on the child.

She’ll be more knackered than she can possibly comprehend, and the child may suffer as a result.

Ludicrous self indulgence to get pregnant this late, unless it’s a genuine accident.

heartmoonshadow · 02/01/2021 19:32

I am same age now and could not imagine being pregnant however I have two amazing kids if I didn't have any my answer might be different.

If she and her other half can give baby a chance at having a life good luck to them. No ones business but theirs.

DeathValley69 · 02/01/2021 19:35

That’s pretty old to be having a baby but 🤷🏼‍♀️

Tier10 · 02/01/2021 19:36

I guess uni costs would just about be finished before retirement (unless the DC does a masters).

Baws · 02/01/2021 19:44

Personally I wouldn’t have the energy to cope with pregnancy and babies now but a few of my friends have had babies in their 40s and they are coping fine. Grandparents are still well enough to help out etc. When my DC were born their grandparents were aged between 39-45 and were all working full time so we didn’t get much support. We didn’t have a house or careers and were broke for a good few years as well. At 46 this is less likely, good luck to your friend.

Frenchdressing · 02/01/2021 19:45

@rhowton

Way to old to have kids!
Why?
Justgorgeous · 02/01/2021 19:46

I had my 3rd at 44. I’m 50 soon. Nobody at my daughter’s primary school knows my age as I don’t look it, I have always looked quite young and have a positive outlook on life. I run, horse ride, and go to the gym. I was no more tired now then what I was when I had my other children because I don’t consider myself old at all. I feel blessed to have a beautiful family and all these negative posts are ridiculous. Good luck to your friend.

KatharinaRosalie · 02/01/2021 19:48

I hate this as a reason for having kids. Less well off parents live their kids just as much and provide the nurturing kids need; love, time, himour, sense of worth etc.

But at the same time, it's acceptable on this thread to claim youth is a reason to have kids. Older parents can't love their kids and provide the nurturing they need?

randomer · 02/01/2021 19:49

Fascinated by this 'falling pregnant 'Is it like falling over or falling into?

bluebluezoo · 02/01/2021 19:50

Fascinated by this 'falling pregnant 'Is it like falling over or falling into?

Like falling on someone’s dick...

mam0918 · 02/01/2021 19:51

why do people keep saying 'young mams are knacked by 40'?

I'm not knacked, my kids are spaced out well so I never had the hardships of back to back babies all needing care at different stages (more common in older mothers who are rushing against the clock) and I can only imagine I'll have far MORE energy by 40 because my kids will have grown up, its really not that tiring have older kids and big gaps.

My mam was in her early 40s when I was in my teens and we use to go to week long festivals, gigs, theater shows, go to fancy cocktail brunches etc... regularly together, she was like another teenager in the group and certainly wasnt 'knackered' from being a teen mom - I look forward to being the same with mine very soon as he is now that age but covid needs to feck off.