To think at 46 my friend isn’t too old to be having a baby

[Tellmelies65]

My lovely friend has just announced she’s pregnant with her first at 46. She just didn’t meet the right person until now. A friend we have in common has messaged saying how outrageous it is.

My mother had me at the same age shd it’s been hard on me and her abs had long term consequences as she can’t support me now when I need her.

in many cultures it is considered your DUTY to care for aging parents and if you dont it means you are a "horrible, selfish person"
yes, in traditional cultures which are based around extended family networks and women can be guilted into sacrificing themselves for the extended family

@AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter

*I’m sorry your uncomfortable but you have to draw the line generally. That’s life*

So, a 12 year old getting pregnant is "thats life"? you see nothing wrong with that at all? alrighty then.

Well you suggested Mother Nature that’s ok right? Because Mother Nature allowed it...

Do people draw a distinction - is 46 too old for the father?

I like to remind my kids they have an A’s stance as they’ll get their inheritance early enough to have some fun with it

Sorry for typos. Also what if her child has a disability or other challenges - it’s very hard .

Well you suggested Mother Nature that’s ok right? Because Mother Nature allowed it

Um no.... I was arguing the complete opposite!

I'm saying the mother nature argument is a load of bollocks. Just because something is technically possible, doesnt mean it should happen.

Stop saying 70 is old! My aunt is 71 nothing wrong with her exercises daily and does not take tablets for anything! She is out and about enjoys life and has tons of energy ! She would definitely keep up with a 20 year old!

LOL - what about women of younger Mums - having to care for their 89 year old Mums when they are 68...how do they cope, poor things?

(They do because mostly they still have energy, wits and vim)

@Iknowwhatudidlastsummer my point was to the person saying that 70 years olds are healthy and fit further up thread

I had my first at almost 43 and my second at almost 47. I would have much preferred to have them younger but that was the way it worked out. I am now almost 57 and I think they keep me young mentally and physically. Those of you who were parents younger and who think 46 is too old are probably tired after your child rearing and not in the same position as someone just starting out who has not had 10-20 years of sleepless nights etc. Yes, there are some risks but they are risks not certainties. I do, however, agree with the PP about taking steps (physically, financially etc) to try to offset the age factor.

The "friend" who thinks it is outrageous needs to keep her thoughts to herself.

My two children have brought me great joy, and I wish your friend joy with her baby too.

@AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter

Well you suggested Mother Nature that’s ok right? Because Mother Nature allowed it

Um no.... I was arguing the complete opposite!

I'm saying the mother nature argument is a load of bollocks. Just because something is technically possible, doesnt mean it should happen.

Yes I know what you arguing! You mentioned Mother Nature but it works both ways is what I’m saying since YOU mentioned Mother Nature or does it only apply to your point Mother Nature... posters saying OPs friend conceived so that’s ok... does the same not apply for a 13 year old now?

I’d be delighted for your friend. Happy relationship and now pregnant with her first. Great news.

Your other friend is being very unkind. She should be happy for her and not gossiping behind her back.

I pity the posters who picture themselves as elderly in their mid 40s, and nearly invalid at death door in their 60s

thankfully most people are perfectly happy, healthy and dynamic and great parents. It seems that kids DO keep you young after all!

All those saying she is obviously not too old to have a baby if she's able to conceive are missing the point somewhat. She's obviously not too old to get pregnant because she has. A 13 year old is old enough to get pregnant, but few would argue that she is old enough to be a mother just because she can conceive.

"I am not sure become old before your time gives you any right to judge others who aren't!"

I'm NOT old before my time. Going out just on Friday or Saturday rather than both and only once during the week is not the same as never going out at all. Going out until 12 is also pretty normal for people in their 40s and, as I said, all my friends are the same. I'm less fit than the average of my group of friends, but they all now go home with the last public transport around midnight and that has been the case since around age 40.

@CounsellorTroi

All those saying she is obviously not too old to have a baby if she's able to conceive are missing the point somewhat. She's obviously not too old to get pregnant because she has. A 13 year old is old enough to get pregnant, but few would argue that she is old enough to be a mother just because she can conceive.

Exactly

posters saying OPs friend conceived so that’s ok... does the same not apply for a 13 year old now

It applies to both. Technically, a 50 year old and a 12 year old might be physically able to get pregnant but that doesnt mean either is a good idea or that it will be in the best interests of the child.

Having had my first child at 38 and adopted my second at 43, I would say 46 is old to be having a baby. However, who are we to say that someone shouldn’t have a baby because of their age? Yes he knees will be knackered from all the going up and down stairs and kneeling, yes so will look like a grandma at the school gates and the park, she might not even get to become a grandma. She will be very aware of this, and it will probably make her sad some days. BUT she may, and I hope she is, an amazing mummy who does her very best for her child

@Gwenhwyfar

"I am not sure become old before your time gives you any right to judge others who aren't!"

I'm NOT old before my time. Going out just on Friday or Saturday rather than both and only once during the week is not the same as never going out at all. Going out until 12 is also pretty normal for people in their 40s and, as I said, all my friends are the same. I'm less fit than the average of my group of friends, but they all now go home with the last public transport around midnight and that has been the case since around age 40.

with all due respect, my own grand-mother seems to have a more exciting life than you do

In the context of you judging mid-40s mothers because YOU feel old and tired.. unless you are in your 80s, you DO sound old before your years!

I will be 44 when I have the little boy I am pregnant with. Being post a chemo regimen that usually destroys fertility and age means the fact that I am pregnant is baffling but amazing. I chose to keep my gift. Does my age make me selfish?!

It’s up to her if she wants a baby. I don’t think it’s selfish at 47. People live longer these days and the kid could be 35 before they die (taken the average age of death)

No one will necessarily know their age either. In primary school, kids are too young to realise how old parents are. In secondary school they generally make their own way to school.

People can look a lot older/younger than their age and you can bet bet there are some 47 year olds that will have more energy that 37 year olds!

My mam had me at 34 and died at 56 so there’s no way of knowing what age someone will die. So all that ‘it’s selfish’ BS is crap.

Anyone can have a disabled child. Yes it’s more likely with age but as a pp pointed out, they’ve got more chance of having a healthy baby than not. Where do you draw the line, if someone has a genetic condition should they not have children incase the DC inherits it? Where’s the line drawn?

There was a thread running (think it still is) about being a teenage mother and imo, whilst not ideal having a baby at 17, it’s not the end of the world.

If the woman had other kids I’d more inclined to think otherwise but she hasn’t so why should she not get to experience it because of fear of being judged?!!

If it happens naturally then good luck to her.

As people said, a 13 year old getting pregnant would not have been able to consent. So it would be illegal.

I would not however think in any way less of a mum who happened to have had her kids very young, just because she had been young, other things being equal?

It seems a very odd mindset, to criticise people because their lives panned out differently from yours.

@GordonsAliveAndEatsPies

I will be 44 when I have the little boy I am pregnant with. Being post a chemo regimen that usually destroys fertility and age means the fact that I am pregnant is baffling but amazing. I chose to keep my gift. Does my age make me selfish?!

No it does not, don’t listen to the judgmental lot!

I’m sorry to hear about your struggles. Congratulations on your pregnancy. It’s fantastic news x

@blueberryporridge

I had my first at almost 43 and my second at almost 47. I would have much preferred to have them younger but that was the way it worked out. I am now almost 57 and I think they keep me young mentally and physically. Those of you who were parents younger and who think 46 is too old are probably tired after your child rearing and not in the same position as someone just starting out who has not had 10-20 years of sleepless nights etc. Yes, there are some risks but they are risks not certainties. I do, however, agree with the PP about taking steps (physically, financially etc) to try to offset the age factor.

The "friend" who thinks it is outrageous needs to keep her thoughts to herself.

My two children have brought me great joy, and I wish your friend joy with her baby too.

So lovely to hear these positive posts! I'm trying to become pregnant at my advanced maternal age of 43..yip I'd have rather it was at 33 but it didn't happen.

The friend who commented on the ops other friend needs to learn that sometimes there are things you keep in your head..