To think at 46 my friend isn’t too old to be having a baby

[Tellmelies65]

My lovely friend has just announced she’s pregnant with her first at 46. She just didn’t meet the right person until now. A friend we have in common has messaged saying how outrageous it is.

@AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter

So nature does not itself appear to discriminate against ovulating people in their 40s or even 50s as "too old

"Nature" also causes some women to have severe, excruciating pain pain and anemia every month, infertility, PCOS, thyroid imbalances, hormonal imbalances, diabetes, heart attacks etc etc so this idea that everything "nature" does is brilliant is not quite true....

Also I think the poster forgot the baby is prone to disabilities more so than a 25 year old at nearly 50. I suspect she deliberately missed that part out though

@bluebluezoo

Personally speaking as someone who was pregnant in my teens, 20s and now my 30s it gets way harder with each decade, I dont think I could physically handle it at 46, I imagine its awful because even now its awful and has me rethinking having more (and I definately wanted more)

Does it get harder because of your age though, or because the more children you have the harder it is because you’re already exhausted from the previous child/ren

its physically harder on my body, the nausia/vomiting and side effects of pregnancy have got notably harder each time, like I now have joint issues from pregnancy etc...

energy wise I'm not to bad, I have big age gaps (which are easier, a 10 year old is pretty self surficiant so you can focus on the baby) so not worrying about 3 under 3 and each time I feel more comfortable in the fact that I'm now experianced and know what im doing (I was a nervous wreck the first time thinking I was doing everything wrong).

@Gwenhwyfar

"without the aid of modern medicine, people who have working ovaries and wombs can potentially get pregnant from age puberty to monopause (so school age- even 50s). So nature does not itself appear to discriminate against ovulating people in their 40s or even 50s as "too old", "

Unassisted conception becomes quite rare after mid 40s and OP hasn't told us whether her friend conceived naturally.

I had kids at 43 and nearly 48 naturally, and I have quite a few friends who had children in their 40s, some older than me.

It isn't that rare - it does happen sometimes.

One thing is that many of these mums often don't look their age, you wouldn't know till you talk to them, and then I say, well actually, I'm this age, and then they say they are older.

I would love to have had children earlier, but that's not how things happened.

I think I'm very lucky and no way would I be without them.

Imagine being 16 and your mum is 62 😬🤭👀

Just because you can doesn't mean you should! My DF was an active 69 year old, cycled everywhere etc, he then got diagnosed with Cancer at 70 and it was like someone took his batteries out.

Also I think the poster forgot the baby is prone to disabilities more so than a 25 year old at nearly 50. I suspect she deliberately missed that part out though

yes, I'm very uncomfortable with this idea that our destiny should be up to "mother nature"- by that rationale, noone suffering from infertility should be helped should they? seeing as "mother nature" has decided.

Or, noone should be shocked if a 13 year old gets pregnant right?- mother nature decided its ok after all!!!

"I had kids at 43 and nearly 48 naturally, and I have quite a few friends who had children in their 40s, some older than me.

It isn't that rare - it does happen sometimes."

I said it was quite rare. Someone gave the stat upthread. I didn't say it never happens.

The chances of having a healthy baby are very much higher than having a baby with a genetic abnormality, if that's what you are getting at, even if you are 47?

(what's with all the sniping??)

"If she fell pregnant then Mother Nature doesn’t consider her too old"

We don't know if it was Mother Nature or IVF :)

It's clearly not too old, or she wouldn't be pregnant. Though undeniably, the risks of miscarriage and chromosomal problems are much higher.

I can imagine that coping with the tiredness might be a bit more difficult at 46 than at 26 or 36, but women of 46 cope in plenty of other tiring situations, such as working nightshifts as a nurse or doctor, caring for a disabled child etc.

@Gwenhwyfar

"so people have grown up, have a packed schedule and prefer getting up early. What does it have to do with parenting?"

I never said my friends have a packed schedule and prefer getting up early. They don't. They don't stay out as late because they get more tired than they used to when younger. We don't have children so it's nothing to do with that. I just know that we have less energy than we did in our 30s.

I am not sure become old before your time gives you any right to judge others who aren't!

YOU might be more tired and have less energy, that's rather sad, but not everybody is like you. We are talking mid 40s, not mid 90s!

My mum was 43 (and dad 39), so it seems pretty normal to me.

I was 29 when my dad died unexpectedly and 37 when my mum died after a few years with Alzheimers. Obviously I'd much prefer them to still be around and it was a tough few years trying to care for my mum, work and start a family, however, I just feel glad that my mum was able to have me (older brother too).

In a weird way I almost feel relieved not to have the burden of worrying about my parents health as I get older myself. My mum had lost both her parents by 30 too and hers were young so c'est la vie.

OP has disappeared ......

My dad was 5 days short of 60 when I was born. I can't comment much on having an older parent as he died at 66. But that is not a usual age to die, he got ill and parents can also die much younger.

@CuteBear

My grandparents are also in their 70s so they were very active when I was a child and they’re still here in my life. I know people my age (early 20s) who don’t have grandparents anymore as their parents are now in their late 60s and 70s.

I do agree with that! My children have missed out on relationships with both their grandfathers due to both DP and I having kids late. So i concede that point definitely.

@MoreMorelos

Just because you can doesn't mean you should! My DF was an active 69 year old, cycled everywhere etc, he then got diagnosed with Cancer at 70 and it was like someone took his batteries out.

I lost a friend from cancer when she was 34 and her baby 6 months old. So not sure what your point is.

@Thewiseoneincognito

Imagine being 16 and your mum is 62 😬🤭👀

Imagine being 16 and your mum is 32

@AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter

Also I think the poster forgot the baby is prone to disabilities more so than a 25 year old at nearly 50. I suspect she deliberately missed that part out though

yes, I'm very uncomfortable with this idea that our destiny should be up to "mother nature"- by that rationale, noone suffering from infertility should be helped should they? seeing as "mother nature" has decided.

I’m sorry your uncomfortable but you have to draw the line generally. That’s life.

To all you negative nellies, have a

Remember when you were 16 and you though 25 was old... then you hit 30 and thought 40 was old?? I feel no difference from my 28 yr old self st nearly 50 with 2 under 10.

To all us geriatric mums - well done! Yes, we may be a bit more tired sometimes, but we have a damn sight more patience from our life experiences! I'm gonna be soooooo old when my kids are teenagers, by all accounts.... but, I think I'll manage.

I’m sorry your uncomfortable but you have to draw the line generally.
That’s life

So, a 12 year old getting pregnant is "thats life"? you see nothing wrong with that at all? alrighty then.

Look at the most recent table here, for women in England and Wales. It is clear that the chance of death before your 60s is relatively low and that 6 times as many people die aged 88 than at 60. 2.6 times as many people die at 88 than at 70, and the highest numbers of deaths per year of age occur between 86 and 90, peaking at 88.
www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/birthsdeathsandmarriages/deaths/datasets/deathregistrationssummarytablesenglandandwalesdeathsbysingleyearofagetables

@AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter

Or, noone should be shocked if a 13 year old gets pregnant right?- mother nature decided its ok after all!!!

if a 13 year old gets pregnant, it's rape for a start.

Allright, you convinced me. I'll go see if we can get DD adopted, as we might die, might not be active grandparents and don't stay up all night partying any more. Poor child.

if a 13 year old gets pregnant, it's rape for a start

But...mother nature! she knows best right?