To think at 46 my friend isn’t too old to be having a baby

[Tellmelies65]

My lovely friend has just announced she’s pregnant with her first at 46. She just didn’t meet the right person until now. A friend we have in common has messaged saying how outrageous it is.

Don't judge another person until you've walked in their shoes

Yes, and that ALSO applies to those of us who have had to care for aging parents when we were still relatively young! You also have no clue what thats like if both your parents are 102 and still independent.

She's obviously not too old. She's having the baby so hasn't gone through menopause yet.... Hats off to her.

I'm 55 and have 3 grandkids aged 5 and under who I look after on a regular basis. Overnights etc and only thing I would say is I don't have half the energy I had in my 20's and 30's. More patience maybe but they do physically floor me sometimes. I wouldn't want toddlers full time and I am v healthy and physically fit

It's such a ridiculous idea that women never had babies when they were older in the past. They did, it might not have been the first one because they had others first, but a mid-40s pregnancy is hardly modern or ground breaking.

My views:

The to old to raise a baby doesnt really count, many grandparents raise their grand children just fine.

Genetically speaking it can be selfish, many women of this age use donor eggs or embryos from younger women (many IVF centers will cut of own egg IVF at 45) which often removes the majority of that risk but there have been legitimate moral debates on women using science against medical advice to concieve.
I volunteer with infertility and loss support and did meet a women who did several rounds of IVF (nothing against IVF I had it myself and its a wonderful thing) against genetic advice and ended up with a gravely sick child, her life the last few years revolves around hospital transfers and watching her daughter struggle in pain and worry she wont survive the night, she said she regrets how 'selfish' she was in refusing to listen to medical advice and switch to donor eggs.

Personally speaking as someone who was pregnant in my teens, 20s and now my 30s it gets way harder with each decade, I dont think I could physically handle it at 46, I imagine its awful because even now its awful and has me rethinking having more (and I definately wanted more).

There's another thread of people proud to slob in front of the tv all evening because they are "tired".

comments on the level of fitness of people would be more accurate than random insults about their age.

Your friend will be exhausted but show me any new mum who isn't.

The text friend should wind her neck in and keep unhelpful opinions to herself. Sadly none of us know what's coming to us but a woman in a stable relationship, healthy mental state and good friends around her should be just fine.

It is too old. But if I didn't have a child by that age I'd be desperate for one too. Couldn't imagine doing it all again at nearly 50

No further thoughts from the OP then?

Goady thread.

"so people have grown up, have a packed schedule and prefer getting up early. What does it have to do with parenting?"

I never said my friends have a packed schedule and prefer getting up early. They don't. They don't stay out as late because they get more tired than they used to when younger. We don't have children so it's nothing to do with that. I just know that we have less energy than we did in our 30s.

@SinisterBumFacedCat

You expect her to drop dead before the age of 66?!

I expect no such thing. I do however think there is far high probability of someone dying in their late 60s early 70s than a decade before.

There nothing ageist in pointing out the older you get the more likely you are to die 🤷‍♀️

Personally speaking as someone who was pregnant in my teens, 20s and now my 30s it gets way harder with each decade, I dont think I could physically handle it at 46, I imagine its awful because even now its awful and has me rethinking having more (and I definately wanted more)

Does it get harder because of your age though, or because the more children you have the harder it is because you’re already exhausted from the previous child/ren

@Dreahil1
Ok, so without the aid of modern medicine, people who have working ovaries and wombs can potentially get pregnant from age puberty to monopause (so school age- even 50s). So nature does not itself appear to discriminate against ovulating people in their 40s or even 50s as "too old", and of course natural lifespan has greatly increased.

If you include IVF, adoption etc. many other people can adopt a parenting role. Which is fine

I still think that the most important thing is love.

@AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter

The comments on here are unbelievable! Nobody would say a man was "too old" to father a child at that age, double standards

Sure they would and they do- notice every time someone like mick jagger has a kid everyone says its selfish and gross and the kid wont remember him because he'll die before he has the chance to see him grow up so they absolutely do say that about men too.

When you say Mick Jagger do you mean when he was 46 or older?

@AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter

The comments on here are unbelievable! Nobody would say a man was "too old" to father a child at that age, double standards

Sure they would and they do- notice every time someone like mick jagger has a kid everyone says its selfish and gross and the kid wont remember him because he'll die before he has the chance to see him grow up so they absolutely do say that about men too.

Quite. I said it above about my own father. (Not Mick Jagger, I hasten to add.)

As long as your friend understands the responsibility she's accepting, then fair enough.

I had ds at 45, my first and only. I had no health problems and we are both fit & well.

But I accepted early on that I had to ensure I could offer everything that a younger mum could. I've worked hard to stay very fit. Ds is now 12, We cycle and practice martial arts together.

I don't drink or smoke, cook from scratch, limit my red meat intake, run regularly, keep my bmi at 22 because I have to be firing on all cylinders for at least the next eight years.

There are no guarantees, regardless of the mum's age. People die in their 20s, but there is a lot your friend can do to protect her child.

@Justcallmebebes

I'm 55 and have 3 grandkids aged 5 and under who I look after on a regular basis. Overnights etc and only thing I would say is I don't have half the energy I had in my 20's and 30's. More patience maybe but they do physically floor me sometimes. I wouldn't want toddlers full time and I am v healthy and physically fit

I’m glad someone is giving a fair view.

"without the aid of modern medicine, people who have working ovaries and wombs can potentially get pregnant from age puberty to monopause (so school age- even 50s). So nature does not itself appear to discriminate against ovulating people in their 40s or even 50s as "too old", "

Unassisted conception becomes quite rare after mid 40s and OP hasn't told us whether her friend conceived naturally.

Clearly isn't too old for her body! Some women seem to lose their fertility closer to 40, others closer to 50. Nothing anyone can do about it. I'm sure your friend is delighted and the baby won't know any different!

So nature does not itself appear to discriminate against ovulating people in their 40s or even 50s as "too old

"Nature" also causes some women to have severe, excruciating pain pain and anemia every month, infertility, PCOS, thyroid imbalances, hormonal imbalances, diabetes, heart attacks etc etc so this idea that everything "nature" does is brilliant is not quite true....

She won't find it easy but if she really wanted this then it will be ok. I'd rather have been born to a 46 year old mother than to a 16 year old mother. That's a generalisation of course but .......

[quote herecomesthsun]@Dreahil1
Ok, so without the aid of modern medicine, people who have working ovaries and wombs can potentially get pregnant from age puberty to monopause (so school age- even 50s). So nature does not itself appear to discriminate against ovulating people in their 40s or even 50s as "too old", and of course natural lifespan has greatly increased.

If you include IVF, adoption etc. many other people can adopt a parenting role. Which is fine

I still think that the most important thing is love.[/quote]
I know how people get pregnant I am a mother myself. To be honest there’s no need to be funny. We are all entitled to our opinions and I have not insulted you nor anybody on this thread.

Just because you can do something in life doesn’t mean you should go and do it does it?

If your only willing to hear your side that’s absolutely fine be ignorant just don’t tag me please.

Bloody hell MN can be judgy!

I'm 43 with a 2yr old and 5 month old. I had my DD at 32. We had no money, her dad was a shit, and had to go back to work when she was 3 months old. I ended up single, with no spare cash, in a run down ex council property paying through the nose for childcare and so tired I went to bed when she did every night.

Now we live in a beautiful home, can afford for me not to work. My DH is an equal parent and a decent man, and I have bags more energy. Yep I'm tired, I had 2 in 20 months, but it's not the same. I'm calmer, more patient, and my parents at 78 and 68 are a wonderful help, or would be without poxy Covid. Both their mums had children in their 40's, as did many of their friends. It was normal then when we weren't pumping women full of hormones to control their fertility.

I don't get the selfish comments - unless you're referring to the higher risks of health issues with the child, but that's not a guarantee and there can be lots of checks etc. You can have healthy children in your 40s.

If it's about being too old for your children well life expectancy is increasing. My parents had me in their 20s and I only had two grandparents living when I was born, whereas it's likely when my child is born (I'm mid-30s) they will have all their grandparents.

If she fell pregnant then Mother Nature doesn’t consider her too old, and neither do I! Congratulations to your friend, and your other friend is rude!