To think at 46 my friend isn’t too old to be having a baby

[Tellmelies65]

My lovely friend has just announced she’s pregnant with her first at 46. She just didn’t meet the right person until now. A friend we have in common has messaged saying how outrageous it is.

@Dreahil1

It would be MN land claiming that they can do what a 20 year old can do at 47.

it is nature enabling women to get pregnant while they are still ovulating (approx teens to 40s)

that's life, accept it

If you don't like it, go and argue with nature/God/evolution.

@justanotherneighinparadise I didn’t state anybody can do anything or can’t at any age. I also didn’t give my own input if you read the full thread.

Totally agree with Pink's comments, this woman has clearly made a considered decision, is in a committed relationship and financially in a good position to have a child. In my view that is 100% better than a young woman 'accidentally' getting pregnant, with no committed relationship and no financial security .... that to me is an extremely poor choice.

Some of the comments about age are totally bizarre in this thread - I am 62 with a 19 year old - I am working, an active member of the community etc etc - and both my parents are still alive and my DS has a great relationship with his grandparents.

And let's face it - most kids are embarrassed by their parents whatever their age at some point in their lives .

If she conceived naturally how can it be too old?

For me personally 46/7 is when I definitely wouldn't have wanted to have another baby, even though I probably could have.

46 year olds are not decrepit- they're perfectly capable of being pregnant and giving birth and doing night feeds.

And they'll probably still be working when their child graduates university.

Lazy why would the child be caring for the parents in his/her 30s? Surely it depends on the individual -I am 62 and am not 'caring' for my own parents ...

It’s too old imo. I’d think it privately, and discuss with DH but I’d never mention it to anyone else.

I personally think 46 is too old. I have friends who have parents in their late 60s or 70s (we’re in our early 20s). My friends are worried about their parents’ age related health issues. They didn’t get to do the things I did with my parents, who were in their early 20s when they had me. I also had friends at school who had parents so old they were mistaken as grandparents. It’s alright saying you still feel young when you have a baby in your 40s, but speak to some teens and adults about their experiences with parents old enough to be their grandparent.

Of course there are some quite defensive PPs who have had a child at that age but there’s also an eye opening account of someone who was born to older parents

I had a child at 40. I was also raised by older parents who were in their 40s when I was born - they did a bloody great job and I’m no worse off for it. (I was actually ‘born to’ younger parents but they selfishly died even despite having me at a mumsnet approved age).

I’m pretty fucking defensive about being told repeatedly, across multiple threads, that I was selfish to have my daughter, that I’m clearly exhausted and will probably die before she’s 21 because apparently on these threads we’re all only expected to live till our 60s and if we make it to 70 we will no doubt be in need of round the clock care from our poor unthought of children.

I'm 43 and already can't do some of the things I did in my 20s and 30s. I did the OU for years, but I don't think I could work full time and study at the same time now. I can go out during the week, but only for a couple of drinks and on the weekends I can go out either Friday night or Saturday night, but not both and I find most of my friends are the same. When we were all around 40 we all started going home around midnight so it's not just me who has a bit less energy than in my 30s

The only reason I don’t do any of this stuff now at 48 is because I have kids. Between school runs, working full time, trying to get to the gym, cooking, homework, swimming lessons, shopping, cleaning, running a house etc I can’t piss off to the library until midnight to write an essay like I did when I was single.

I don’t go out drinking because I can’t spend the following day in bed, only venturing out for a mcd’s with extra large milkshake. That and I don’t need to go out on the pull any more, so I have better things to do with my time

It would be MN land claiming that they can do what a 20 year old can do at 47

I can still do cartwheel, handstands, back flips and somersaults. I regularly show up plenty of kids and young adults at the trampoline park

I agree that if a healthy baby is naturally conceived by a woman in advanced years then it can’t be the ‘wrong age’.

If the baby is conceived via IVF or donor eggs then of course your wandering down another moral road. I’d probably raise an eyebrow to a woman in their fifties conceiving a child through those means and yet still it would absolutely nothing to do with me.

@herecomesthsun so can men too. Did you know that?

@GintyMcGinty

What a hideous and ageist thread this has become. Lashings and lashings of prejudice.

Possibly the point of it.

Loves a contentious thread does this absent OP.

If my choice was having a baby at 46 or at 19, I would chose one at 46 any day frankly. I can't think of anything worst than being a teen mum.
Each to their own.

but insulting others who make difference choices like some posters on here just scream of insecurity...what is it with "older" mothers that bother you so much?

The comments on here are unbelievable! Nobody would say a man was "too old" to father a child at that age, double standards.

@PinkTonic

What I particularly notice about this thread is that there are far more posts criticising this woman for being too old than there typically are on a thread where a woman is pregnant too young, in dire financial circumstances, without the support and agreement of her partner, with inadequate housing, to a deadbeat she’s only known two minutes who already has children with someone else, has existing children who will undoubtedly be negatively impacted. Those women are cheered on by the massive, but being 46 is ‘outrageous’.

Same old MN ageism.

If someone said her friend had gotten pregnant deliberately under 18 I'm sure there'd be judgement, but most teenage pregnancies are accidental (or at least claim to be accidental). In this case, the late pregnancy seems to have been planned.

They didn’t get to do the things I did with my parents, who were in their early 20s when they had me.

Can you give specific examples?

Honestly some of these comments...

She's 46 not 106!

OK so it wouldnt be my choice even though I could theoretically conceive as I have 6 children, 4 of whom have flown, and I am finally getting my own life back. But presumably she did her "me time" thing in the years before she conceived, so whats the problem?

I wouldnt go sky diving but wouldnt judge anyone who did!

OK so I would be thinking "Fucking hell, rather you than me" with regards to the pregnancy but thats because I HAVE children. If I was this age with no children and this was my only chance? I would probably take it.

In the not so olden days women worked for pin money and men brought home the bacon. That was enough to buy a house, provide for a family and climb a social ladder.

Then it all got sold down the river by that woman. Women had to work whether they wanted to or not. Then came childcare and the sacrifce of nearly a whole wage.

So we woke up - realised that we don't need a man to have a child - especially not an abusive one; one we're going to have to nurse in later life because, hey, he's older and grew up thinking women do everything including all the earning, nursing, caring now he's ill and can't look after himself like his mother or his ideal wife does.

Slebs are allowed to pay for babies. People pay for babies? I don't know how anyone can do that.

So, for your friend: he or she will be the best loved and looked after baby in the world - as they all are.

My grandparents are also in their 70s so they were very active when I was a child and they’re still here in my life. I know people my age (early 20s) who don’t have grandparents anymore as their parents are now in their late 60s and 70s.

Think your friend is appalling what would she prefer that she had married someone who wasn't suitable and be stuck in a miserable marriage with a child?

Imn38 and haven't found a suitable partner and very well aware of timing running out but I'm not going to condemn myself to just marrying anyone so I can have a child before 40 cos people will judge me.

I'll take as long as it takes and if I'm 42yr or 4tyr and ready for a child ill assess my health first and decide.

Each to their own, I dont think its selfish esp as its their first child.

Not every parent si going to be like the pp who said they found it a horrible experience.

If age of having a child is now based on how much energy you will have to play with them then surely that should be bass on how fit and active you are, plenty of women in their 20s 30s etc that wouldn't be fit enough.

@AliasGrape

I can go out during the week, but only for a couple of drinks and on the weekends I can go out either Friday night or Saturday night, but not both and I find most of my friends are the same

I don’t think ‘being able for all night drinking benders’ is a requirement of successful parenting.

It's an example of not having the same amount of energy. I also wasn't talking about 'all night drinking benders' but normal weekend night outs.

Thing is though if a baby is born when the woman is 47 she is never likely to be an active grandparent, if at all.

I have said this before, but I do think that the fact that people are having children later and later in life means that we are going to end up with a grandparent-less generation.

Added to which, the risk of serious disability at that age is far higher than younger, and if the child requires significant care throughout its life those parents aren’t going to be around for the majority of it. And if the child doesn’t have disabilities, that child is likely to be faced with the idea of elderly parents who may themselves require care needs before they have even had a chance to live their own life.

The difference between teenage and older parents is that the child of a teenage parent is more likely to have a difficult start in life due to circumstances, e.g. parent still being at school/needing to study/need to get any job to support them. Whereas the child of an older parent, while potentially having a less difficult start is likely to have a more difficult future as they grow up.

@Oneearringlost

Why is it too old?

It's riskier when it comes to childbirth and genetic abnormalities, and I guess many women simply wouldn't have the energy to parent teens when they're 51.

I think it’s lovely

Good luck to your friend xx

@Wanderdust

The comments on here are unbelievable! Nobody would say a man was "too old" to father a child at that age, double standards.

True people don’t say it as often. Although it’s the woman’s body that changes and goes through all the motions mainly/directly. I suspect this plays a huge part.