To think at 46 my friend isn’t too old to be having a baby

[Tellmelies65]

My lovely friend has just announced she’s pregnant with her first at 46. She just didn’t meet the right person until now. A friend we have in common has messaged saying how outrageous it is.

@AwaAnBileYerHeid

"Old women's bodies aren't generally fit to grow babies. "

Old woman? At 46?? What is wrong with some people 😂😂😂 And surely if they weren't fit to grow babies then they wouldn't be able to grow babies...?

I agree with this. 46 isn’t old by any stretch. OldER sure, and potentially a more at-risk pregnancy pathway but at-risk isn’t the sole preserve of old ladies. Help the aged eh😆

I’m shocked by some of the responses on here!
Why on earth is it selfish?
Children are brought into all kinds of families and set ups. Some have two parents, some have one. Some have many siblings some have none. Some very young parents, who may need more support because they are less mature. Some older parents who whilst financially stable and wise, may tire more quickly. These are stereotypes of course and there will always be very mature young parents and older parents with an abundance of energy.
Some children will be brought up on the poverty line, some will have a very comfortable upbringing.
But most children, other than those who live with abuse, will do just fine with loving parents, whatever their age. I can think of much worse situations than having an older mother.

I hope your friends pregnancy is smooth, she may be at higher risk of complications. But she will be well looked after.
And your other friend sounds horrible. How judgemental.

*Yes it's incredibly selfish

I also doubt this baby was conceived naturally and so she has used IVF with donor eggs - also selfish*

Wow seconded.

I’m 48 and not showing any obvious menopausal signs as yet. 48 is not dried up and barren. My family menopause is usually mid 50’s.

Plenty of women have babies naturally in their 40’s, so that’s some assumption.

@Snog

Nobody would say "too old " for a man of this age.

A friend would be happy for you- the person who commented is no friend.

People do comment on older fathers. It's supposed to be a risk for autism. On the other hand, there are additional factors fo expectant mothers than for fathers because the mother carries the child and gives birth.

If she’s capable of getting pregnant then no she’s not too old. Many congratulations to her.

Far too old imho

where i live, the average age of mums is between 45-50...meaning most had their first child at around 40. each to their own. i had kids young but i still have time if i decide i would like to add another to the family. my cut of age is 35...im 30 in February :)

I wouldn’t choose it for myself. But no need to comment on other people’s situations.

I had my last when I was 40, some of us don't meet the partner we would have children with, to later in our lives, if at all. Should we be penalised? I'd be happy for your friend, tell your other friend to wind her neck in, and keep her opinion to herself. I know a lot of people say its to old, but she'll make a great mum.

So many of these responses are so bloody sexist.
Older male celebrities have babies with their fifth/eleventh/millionth wife all the time. Yes they might cop some stick on here if they're over 70 but I can't imagine anyone moaning that 46 was too old.

Before contraception women would have babies naturally at that age and even older, and in many cultures the grandmother does a lot of the child rearing to this day.

@Girlyracer

I think it's fine for your friend to voice her disapproving opinion to you, although not to the pregnant woman.

It's far too old. Selfish. Child may be expected to become a carer for her parent at 30 years of age!

At 46/47 she'll be bloody knackered.

High risk of pregnancy failing too. Old women's bodies aren't generally fit to grow babies. Biology means 20s much better. Can't fight biology. Life isn't fair.

Because obviously ever child becomes a carer for their parent/s. No other option. I've even heard the government are going to make it The Law.

I traced my family history, and most rural families were pretty big in the mid 1800s, and my great great grandmothers seemed to quite often have children well into their late forties. It wasn't unusual then and it isn't unusual now.

What is different now is that we have much better health and life expectancy than in the 1800s and people stay fit and active well into their seventies and often beyond.

Your expectations I would say might have been realistic in the 1500s.

And slowing down at 46?! I suggest anyone who feels like they're "slowing down" at that age look very closely at their lifestyle and get a lot fitter.

What I find odd is that everyone is very quick to condemn an older woman who has a child with one of the main reasons being that it isn;t fair on the child because of potential health issues associated with advancing age but there are people in their 20's who, for example, are obese who I would think would struggle to look after a child more than a healthy 46 year old and who's life expectancy would be worse. It's a slippery slope once you begin to judge who should be allowed to have children- poor people, teenagers, women with mental health conditions, inherited genetic conditions. If you don't want a child at 46 then don't have one, if others do then that is not your concern.

Lots of us have had kids natur at that age or older.

Just saying .

Sometimes it just pans out that way.

It's ok, there are pluses and minuses either way.

The main thing is that the children feel loved and are encouraged to fulfil themselves.

I wouldn't have wanted a baby at that age, but I'm lucky in the "stars aligned" for me at a much earlier age wrt meeting DH and our joint ability to conceive without intervention.

On that basis I don't think it's my place to judge someone whose circumstances have meant (for whatever the reason) they are having a baby at that age.

Is also say whose the arbiter of what's ok? A woman having her 3rd at 45? I doubt that would invoke much comment really but in practical terms it's arguably harder work given 2 kids already.

I think saying it's not appropriate is a slippery slope here into some very questionable morals e.g. expressing disproved of someone with a life limiting condition having a baby at any age or very young teen etc etc

Ultimately it's a decision for the couple involved and I'd be happy for them.

That baby has two parents and is much longed for, so many children don’t have that as even a starting point. Bollocks what anyone else thinks. There are lots of women having children in their forties now. Your friend needs to keep her comments to herself.

Can't believe people are saying it's too old.
We are never old enough to follow our dreams unless something beyond our means prevents us from doing so.
If her body at 46 can do that and if she lives a good life over 80 her child will be over 40 years old and they will have had a good life together.
My dad died when I was 21 and so did a lot of my friend's dads or moms and I'm sure a lot of people lost their parents and never had a chance to have more time with them.

It's no one else's business to judge anyone's decisions if she's not causing any harm.

Having a baby at any age is selfish so I don't understand why that is just thrown as an insult to older mothers.

I would ask those that say it's too old, do your children's grandparents provide routine childcare for you.

Yes she is too old. A lot of my friends parents died early 60s her child would still be young. You also don't have the energy levels of someone younger. I would never say that to someone though

I wouldn't want to be 50 with a child just stating school or in my 60s with a teenager but I'm not her. If it's what she wants then then good for her.

I had mine young at 21 and 23 and people have lots to say about that too. A lot of people have a lot to say no matter what decisions you make so I think it's best to just do as you want and let people talk.

So when the child is 16, the mum would be 61/62?

I would have just kept my mouth shut and would have supported her regardless. I do think it's old.

Congratulations to your friend. Tell her not to listen to negative comments. I had my two late on for the same reason then two miscarriages. I thought I’d never be a mum. But yes I’m tired especially in the early days, but I love it. I always thought I’d be the oldest in the playground but oh no, it was full of all ages. Iv saw some young shit mums in my time. Prob better off older. Financially stable, more patience

@PegasusReturns

As a mother I feel very strongly that I want to be available to my children. I find the thought of them losing me before they are old and established in the world upsetting.

As a result there a number of risks I no longer take. So I find that difficult to square with a decision to have a child at an age where there is a high probability of you not being around by the time they hit their 20s

You expect her to drop dead before the age of 66?! Sorry to disappoint you but the average life expectancy for a woman in the uk is 81, so, unlikely (and pretty fucking offensive and ageist).

If nature allows, who are we to judge?

Wow, those of you who say it’s too old....are you in perfect health yourselves? Do you look after your bodies and make sure you’ll do everything you can to prolong your lives? Have you had children with men who pull their weight and support their offspring? Because the number of posts on here from
women complain about their lives/weight/partners would suggest there are other reasons not to procreate.