DH stayed up drinking and then says I’m in the wrong....

[starship08]

DH hasn’t had a drink at all over the Christmas holidays. I’m breastfeeding and haven’t felt like a drink so I guess he just hasn’t wanted to drink alone.

For NYE we arranged a zoom call with his brother and brothers wife.

DH decided to have a few beers, not an issue.

By the time midnight came around that had turned into more than a few.

I went off to bed and DH said he was going to stay chatting for a bit longer.

5.30am our DS is wide awake and not settling back down. This is usual for him and he does this most mornings.
Over the holidays DH and I have been taking it in turns to be the one to get up whilst the other has a sleep in.

Yesterday DH has his sleep in until 11am and today I was looking forward to having mine.
I haven’t had a sleep in since Tuesday (neither of us slept in Wednesday as DH had to be up to visit the tip)

So I realised DH wasn’t in bed, I assumed he’d decided to sleep on the sofa as to not disturb us both.

I called his mobile to ask him if he’d be able to come and sort DS so I could go back to sleep.

He wasn’t answering I went downstairs to find that he was still on the zoom chat with his brother and he was sat drinking whiskey (baring in mind I came to bed at 12.30 so he’d started on that after I’d come to bed)

I was a bit stroppy and said, so there goes my sleep in.

I went back upstairs to DS and DH followed, he started to tell me how ridiculous I was expecting him to get up at 5.30 with DS and that I was manipulating him (not sure how)

He then said “I should’ve known not to expect to be able to enjoy myself, it’s the first drink I’ve had in ages and you’re taking away that enjoyment from me”

I wasn’t expecting him to get up with him, but usually when he wakes at that time, one of us (whoever wasn’t having a sleep in) will put him in bed with us and settle him back to sleep (or get up with him if he won’t settle)

DH was clearly to drunk and I told him to get lost.

He told me I’d ruined the start to the New Year and I was in the wrong for expecting him to get up at this time after he’d had a few drinks with his brother.

I told him I didn’t realise or even think for a second that he would stay up drinking until 5.30am when he knows we have a baby to get up with and it was my turn to sleep in.

He told me I’m selfish and after a tough year he deserves a drunk with his brother.

I totally agree he deserves a drink, but if he was planning an all nighter then surely he could’ve let me have the sleep In yesterday and taken his today.

Am I in the wrong here?

@starship08

DH hasn’t had a drink at all over the Christmas holidays. I’m breastfeeding and haven’t felt like a drink so I guess he just hasn’t wanted to drink alone.

For NYE we arranged a zoom call with his brother and brothers wife.

DH decided to have a few beers, not an issue.

By the time midnight came around that had turned into more than a few.

I went off to bed and DH said he was going to stay chatting for a bit longer.

5.30am our DS is wide awake and not settling back down. This is usual for him and he does this most mornings.
Over the holidays DH and I have been taking it in turns to be the one to get up whilst the other has a sleep in.

Yesterday DH has his sleep in until 11am and today I was looking forward to having mine.
I haven’t had a sleep in since Tuesday (neither of us slept in Wednesday as DH had to be up to visit the tip)

So I realised DH wasn’t in bed, I assumed he’d decided to sleep on the sofa as to not disturb us both.

I called his mobile to ask him if he’d be able to come and sort DS so I could go back to sleep.

He wasn’t answering I went downstairs to find that he was still on the zoom chat with his brother and he was sat drinking whiskey (baring in mind I came to bed at 12.30 so he’d started on that after I’d come to bed)

I was a bit stroppy and said, so there goes my sleep in.

I went back upstairs to DS and DH followed, he started to tell me how ridiculous I was expecting him to get up at 5.30 with DS and that I was manipulating him (not sure how)

He then said “I should’ve known not to expect to be able to enjoy myself, it’s the first drink I’ve had in ages and you’re taking away that enjoyment from me”

I wasn’t expecting him to get up with him, but usually when he wakes at that time, one of us (whoever wasn’t having a sleep in) will put him in bed with us and settle him back to sleep (or get up with him if he won’t settle)

DH was clearly to drunk and I told him to get lost.

He told me I’d ruined the start to the New Year and I was in the wrong for expecting him to get up at this time after he’d had a few drinks with his brother.

I told him I didn’t realise or even think for a second that he would stay up drinking until 5.30am when he knows we have a baby to get up with and it was my turn to sleep in.

He told me I’m selfish and after a tough year he deserves a drunk with his brother.

I totally agree he deserves a drink, but if he was planning an all nighter then surely he could’ve let me have the sleep In yesterday and taken his today.

Am I in the wrong here?

You're being selfish, manipulative and controlling. Life changes now and again, and your husband wasn't doing anything wrong - It was his Brother. Don't be a spoiled brat/princess. Jesus...I'd consider leaving someone like you, because it's psychological abuse.

id of said you can do the next two mornings, to be fair my hub prob would of done the same thing and id of been pissed off too but im not a drinker , he owes u a lay in

While you are not in the wrong on this one, I'd have given that discussion a pass. You rarely accomplish anything whatsoever talking with (or rather at) someone who has been drinking all night, and into the morning. Best to heave a great sigh, go on about your business, and tell him calmly, after he is no longer hung over, that he owes you two lie-ins in a row. Even better if you can manage it with a laugh.

I completely understand OP. 5yrs post bfeeding I might forget and think: ‘it’s just one night’... but no, it’s not. Sleep is everything when you’re demand feeding a baby at night. Cross your sleep-starved wife at your peril.

On the occasions when my DH went drinking and just assumed I would pick up his morning ‘shift’ when I’d been awake half the night, I did indeed get up with the children without complaint, like the domesticated little housewife of 1953 he seemed to want. But upon rising I then stripped the bed of all it’s covers, and put them in the washing machine. Then set about the hoovering the whole house. While the toddler amused himself with a recorder.

@NerrSnerr Thank you. I had.

@ChelleMum85 most crazy response I've seen on here and there have been a few.

also, like others have said, do read the OPs posts. they have sorted it out now and she probably doesnt require your words of wisdom anymore.

Did you get the next two lie-ins, OP?

You're being selfish, manipulative and controlling. Life changes now and again, and your husband wasn't doing anything wrong - It was his Brother. Don't be a spoiled brat/princess. Jesus...I'd consider leaving someone like you, because it's psychological abuse.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

@Commonwasher

I completely understand OP. 5yrs post bfeeding I might forget and think: ‘it’s just one night’... but no, it’s not. Sleep is everything when you’re demand feeding a baby at night. Cross your sleep-starved wife at your peril.

On the occasions when my DH went drinking and just assumed I would pick up his morning ‘shift’ when I’d been awake half the night, I did indeed get up with the children without complaint, like the domesticated little housewife of 1953 he seemed to want. But upon rising I then stripped the bed of all it’s covers, and put them in the washing machine. Then set about the hoovering the whole house. While the toddler amused himself with a recorder.

That is the most excellent strategy @commonwasher!

Do that, op.

You should have said ok. but you owe me. even if you are upset.
Put something in writing and get him to sign it.
This has been a hell of a time for Families, couples, and I know its a struggle to lighten up these days, especially with your hands being full already.
They say Charity begins at home. even if it is hard work. if the shoe was on the other foot would he forgive and move on?