DH stayed up drinking and then says I’m in the wrong....

[starship08]

DH hasn’t had a drink at all over the Christmas holidays. I’m breastfeeding and haven’t felt like a drink so I guess he just hasn’t wanted to drink alone.

For NYE we arranged a zoom call with his brother and brothers wife.

DH decided to have a few beers, not an issue.

By the time midnight came around that had turned into more than a few.

I went off to bed and DH said he was going to stay chatting for a bit longer.

5.30am our DS is wide awake and not settling back down. This is usual for him and he does this most mornings.
Over the holidays DH and I have been taking it in turns to be the one to get up whilst the other has a sleep in.

Yesterday DH has his sleep in until 11am and today I was looking forward to having mine.
I haven’t had a sleep in since Tuesday (neither of us slept in Wednesday as DH had to be up to visit the tip)

So I realised DH wasn’t in bed, I assumed he’d decided to sleep on the sofa as to not disturb us both.

I called his mobile to ask him if he’d be able to come and sort DS so I could go back to sleep.

He wasn’t answering I went downstairs to find that he was still on the zoom chat with his brother and he was sat drinking whiskey (baring in mind I came to bed at 12.30 so he’d started on that after I’d come to bed)

I was a bit stroppy and said, so there goes my sleep in.

I went back upstairs to DS and DH followed, he started to tell me how ridiculous I was expecting him to get up at 5.30 with DS and that I was manipulating him (not sure how)

He then said “I should’ve known not to expect to be able to enjoy myself, it’s the first drink I’ve had in ages and you’re taking away that enjoyment from me”

I wasn’t expecting him to get up with him, but usually when he wakes at that time, one of us (whoever wasn’t having a sleep in) will put him in bed with us and settle him back to sleep (or get up with him if he won’t settle)

DH was clearly to drunk and I told him to get lost.

He told me I’d ruined the start to the New Year and I was in the wrong for expecting him to get up at this time after he’d had a few drinks with his brother.

I told him I didn’t realise or even think for a second that he would stay up drinking until 5.30am when he knows we have a baby to get up with and it was my turn to sleep in.

He told me I’m selfish and after a tough year he deserves a drunk with his brother.

I totally agree he deserves a drink, but if he was planning an all nighter then surely he could’ve let me have the sleep In yesterday and taken his today.

Am I in the wrong here?

@starship08

He’s up! He’s apologised, I’ve apologised. Lack of communion. All is fine.

He’s offered to make the roast dinner today.. can’t complain about that....

No OP. No no no no no this is MN. You can't be so..... reasonable!

Happy days and happy New Year starship08

I think you're BOTH a bit in the right and a bit in the wrong, to be honest.

You need to accept that some of your planned lie ins will go awry, that your DH deserves some down time occasionally and that he didn't plan on staying up all night. He needs to accept that when his actions affect your ability to get more sleep that this makes life more difficult for you and he needs to be more sensitive to that.

This just a case of you both needing to calm down then come together and apologise to each other for your actions. He does owe you an apology for staying up all night and getting pissed without considering you but you owe him an apology for being snarky & not very understanding about it.

Just have two in a row.

Move on, it's a new year, he just wanted a drink and long chat with his brother, it's not that bad.

starship08

up! He’s apologised, I’ve apologised.
Lack of communion. All is fine.

He’s offered to make the roast dinner today.. can’t complain about that.... grin

THERE IS HOPE FOR 2021, GUYS!!!!!

Bloody love this!!!

@ktp100

starship08

up! He’s apologised, I’ve apologised.
Lack of communion. All is fine.

He’s offered to make the roast dinner today.. can’t complain about that.... grin

THERE IS HOPE FOR 2021, GUYS!!!!!

Bloody love this!!!

Notice our difference in responses

I honestly don’t understand the mindset of anyone who sits up until the early hours drinking with a young child in the house. We were both in bed by 10 🤣 madness. I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all OP.

Yay OP! Happy new year indeed!

Ah, great news, OP! He's definitely a keeper, and so are you for him.

Feel sorry for posters like @Littlesparrow0, though, putting up with proper shit rather than just OP's lovers' tiff. You might want to start your own thread, Sparrow. Sounds a really difficult situation.

Yes it's annoying right now, but try not to drag this one out. In a few months time, you may want a night of spontaneity and have a few more drinks than you expected. If you show some leniency, hopefully he'll show the same to you when it's your turn to let loose. I had to learn this lesson a few years ago. It's about working together and allowing each other to have some time off, and sometimes it won't be planned. It's especially frustrating when you're in the very early stages, you're still breast feeding and generally exhausted, but let him live a little. Just make sure you have your 2 lie ins in a row, then it's fair. Fair is good.

Sorry, just read your last post. A roast sounds like the perfect apology. Happy New Year OP

There it is then. No harm done. Who knew?

Before you eat your roast, I know I've kinda missed the point here, but can we discuss the tip... why do you get up early to go to the tip? What do you take that needs darkness? I won't settle until I know

Glad to hear it, OP. Have a lovely dinner.

Think a bit of flexibility is called for - doesn't sound as though DH makes a habit of this (all night drinking), if it was me and my sister and a zoom turned into a spontaneous session, I'd hope that DP would read the situation and cover for me in the morning (I would for him). I do get it though, when you have little ones sleep is like the most closely guarded asset! I definitely recall conversations about who was the tiredest etc. Chalk this one up to experience, and have a lie in tomorrow.

Given that it was New Year's Eve, give him that. Get over it. Allow him to make it up to you tomorrow instead

It’s annoying yes; but I’d have just got up with dc and then told dh that he can get up tomorrow and continue to alternate from there.

Totally agree with @Jellycatspyjamas .......but I also get where you’re coming from.....I was obsessive about routine and sleeping and lie ins etc. when mine were younger. I looked forward to it so much that it was a crashing feeling when I didn’t get it for whatever reason. So long as this isn’t his regular behaviour (I haven’t read to whole thread but it didn’t appear so from your initial post) then I would give it a day or two and then tell him you’re sorry for being over the top and come up with a plan for him to make it up to you

He’s like a lot of men who think they babysit, not parent their children. He gave no thought to his responsibilities. He knows he’s in the wrong and is trying to make you the bad person. Make his life hell for a bit

He should have just apologised and accepted that he messed up. If he did that I'm sure this would be sorted by now. We've all drunk too much and said the wrong thing as a result I'm sure. Hopefully he will see sense at some point

Glad you got it sorted. I’m actually surprised that “unfair sleep patterns” is not a recognised reason for divorce. DH and I never argue except over who is more tired.

@JoulesR

He should have just apologised and accepted that he messed up. If he did that I'm sure this would be sorted by now. We've all drunk too much and said the wrong thing as a result I'm sure. Hopefully he will see sense at some point

He did. Yesterday

@JoulesR

He should have just apologised and accepted that he messed up. If he did that I'm sure this would be sorted by now. We've all drunk too much and said the wrong thing as a result I'm sure. Hopefully he will see sense at some point

He already did. You know you can filter so you can just read the OP's posts if you can't be arsed to read the whole thread?

It's not a lie in for op, is it? It's catching up on sleep lost during the night having to get up to feed their dc. Usually, she can't do this as her DH is at work.

He should have been responsible. He was asked about his plans etc and he said he planned to be up in a bit. Why has op got to be responsible but not DH?

She's also said he has form regarding his brother and alcohol.
Just because its the holidays or NYE you don't have to drink your responsibility under the table.
Relationships are given and take -DH has got some giving to do.

I'd be pissed off too.

The whole day is now wasted too because he will either be sleeping or hanging.

@Merryweather80 RTFT they both apologised. He made a roast. They're both happy. Clearly the whole day wasn't wasted.