AIBU to say looking after children is too much?

[Greenfingeredsue]

I can’t give any more, I’m exhausted. I’ve just told my step-daughter I can’t look after her kids again next week. My husband said we’ll have them, even though he’s at work all day and can’t help.

More information needed to be sure.
How old are the DC?
What hours does their mum work?
Where is their Dad, what hours does he work?
What hours do you work?
What hours do the other GPs work?

What other options are on the table?

@grey12

She did emotional blackmailing?! That's not on!

I was going to say you could help but maybe less kids or less time. A couple of hours would be an amazing help!

If she said, “please help me, or I’ll lose my job”, that’s not emotional blackmail, that’s begging.

This is a shitty situation but I would be interested to know exactly how old these kids are and given we’ve just had Christmas, when the OP actually had them last

In what way did she emotionally blackmail you? Maybe its just me but i would still look after dgc as in my opinion families look after each other no matter what. Cant believe that a website for parents mainly mums think your nbu.

@D4rwin you can’t understand that different places have different rules? You don’t know where OP is.

@Greenfingeredsue what exactly happened? You said no and DH then called her back and said yes on your behalf?!

No. I don't watch the news. Been staying home and ignoring the world since March.

Just got an email from childcare.co.uk touting for business specifically mentioning school closures. Maybe she needs to try googling childcare. Oh. And paying for it

@Disfordarkchocolate

This is what happens when you work from home, people assume you aren't really working. You would have thought that this would have changed but obviously not.

I totally agree! DH and I have been working at home since March (and I’ve done 2 days at home every week for a couple of years now). If anything we’ve worked harder than ever, fewer new staff recruited etc. I honestly don’t understand how people think you can do anything else when you are supposed to be working unless your job is a complete doss.

It would help to know how old the DC are

If they are older and you can stick them in front of the TV most of the day YABU

Also it's not emotional blackmail to say please help me or I'll lose my job and be unable to support myself and my kids

Op, this depends on the arrangements between you and your DH financially and domestically.

No, it really doesn’t.

I would be so angry at your dh. He’s fine, planning on heading off to work. Throws you under the bus. I totally understand why sd cried, but what is Dh going to do? Not what is he going to get someone else to do. He can take leave or he can pay for her to have some help.

Yes. Yes it is emotional blackmail. Please help me search for childcare is a reasonable ask. But her crisis is not the responsibility of anyone else to solve. She's an adult, not a child!

Just say no and stick to it.

YANBU. As harsh as I know this sounds, it’s not your problem.
Even if you were at home with no work, you would still be entitled to say no. But you say you will be working all night to accommodate this. No! You are allowed to say no.

Your DH is being a serious shit here. Women’s work?!
He needs to take time off work or stop volunteering your time.

Anything more to drip OP?

there are so many assumptions being made on here about the situation, but we haven't got the full situation. why are some peeps judging something they don't know about. OP not coming back isn't helping either, although that is her choice.

I don't understand what more information is needed that posters keep asking for.

You are unavailable, you are working.

If your husband wants to volunteer to childmind for his daughter he needs to be available himself or alternatively he can send her some money for emergency childcare and help her arrange that.

You are not free. You are working.

No one can say whether you’re being unreasonable or not. Families should help each other out, these are unprecedented circumstances. But it’s not always straightforward. What’s her job and what’s your job? What hours do you both work? Is your DH on shifts? Where is the kids father and her mother? Did you do childcare in the previous lockdown?

You need to work and can't look after them. If your husband is insisting that the children come to your house he will have to somehow take time off work.

What about the baby's dad or someone else?

How old are the children?

@CabinClose

No one can say whether you’re being unreasonable or not. Families should help each other out, these are unprecedented circumstances. But it’s not always straightforward. What’s her job and what’s your job? What hours do you both work? Is your DH on shifts? Where is the kids father and her mother? Did you do childcare in the previous lockdown?

Why does any of this matter? OP has said she has previously had to work all night to catch up on her own job in order to do this previously. That is not a reasonable expectation to have of someone family or not, especially when they haven't even been consulted.

It would also suggest that the DC are too young to just leave alone watching TV all day otherwise OP wouldn't have to play catch up all night and be exhausted.

It's absolutely shit for the daughter. But that's not workable unfortunately. Her Dad shouldn't have agreed if he isn't actually available to help whether that be via time or financially.

It's not your responsibility, they have parents and grandparents before you and I say that as a single parent. Tell your dh to take annual leave if that important to him

This is really disgusting and you sound horrid. As a lone parent it’s awful to put on someone and feel like a burden.

OP is working full-time as well. Why should she be expected to work and do childcare, when the children's mum shouldn't be expected to do the same?

@D4rwin

I'm unclear why this is happening. Secondary schools are remainig closed, not primary. Couldn't these children stay at home alone?

We've known since before Christmas that primary was distance learning only next week but the neighbouring council has only just confirmed it. Surely it's not difficult to understand that the rest of the country might be handling things slightly differently to you area?!

OP stick to your guns. Your job is not less important than hers. Your mental wellbeing is not less important either. If your husband wants to step up, let him but don't back down. It won't do you or the child any favours.

YANBU

Stick to your guns. If DH is that bothered he will take time off. I agree with PP you should plan to be somewhere else around the time she might turn up crying with the children next week....

@CabinClose

No one can say whether you’re being unreasonable or not. Families should help each other out, these are unprecedented circumstances. But it’s not always straightforward. What’s her job and what’s your job? What hours do you both work? Is your DH on shifts? Where is the kids father and her mother? Did you do childcare in the previous lockdown?

Of course she isn't being unreasonable. She is working full time from home. Her jib is at risk if she doesn't perform it properly.

Why on earth do people think she should risk her job by helping out her husband's daughter - not even her own daughter? There must be other relatives around.

I can't believe the amount of people thinking OP should be twisting herself into an exhausted pretzel to look after her step daughter's children.

OP is older.
OP is working from home.
OP will lose her own job if she doesn't get her job done and meet targets.
OP's husband thinks he can volunteer her while escaping to his own job outside the home.

While OP feels for stepdaughter, stepdaughter needs to sort it out herself, even if it means losing her own job and going on benefits for the time being. OP will struggle to reenter the work force more if she's older, and needs to keep her job.