AIBU to say looking after children is too much?

[Greenfingeredsue]

I can’t give any more, I’m exhausted. I’ve just told my step-daughter I can’t look after her kids again next week. My husband said we’ll have them, even though he’s at work all day and can’t help.

@flattyres

She needs to look after herself first.

we know nothing of her circumstances other that saying she is exhausted as she is not responding. Tell me of someone who isn't exhausted.

I suspect the OP just doesn't like the stepdaughter.

Because we don’t need to know about any of her circumstances. She is using the term exhausted, that sums it all up. Taking care of her own mental and physical health trumps someone else’s childcare needs.

That last sentence isn’t supported by OP’s posts, but if she really doesn’t like the stepdaughter that’s an excellent reason to not burn herself out with said stepdaughter’s childcare needs.

how old are the DC???

Why we she lose her job if she can’t find childcare? She can’t be sacked for needing to be at home because the schools are closed.

@TragedyHands

Not your responsibility, it's up to parents to provide their own childcare. It's a state of emergency, a pandemic. Your dh has no right to volunteer you, tell him to take the time off himself or stop volunteering you. Stand up for yourself, not your problem.

This is really disgusting and you sound horrid. As a lone parent it’s awful to put on someone and feel like a burden.

Oh goodness yes if you’re working from home then you can’t do it. I worked from home with a toddler in tow until September and i was ready to throw myself off a cliff on a daily basis. I wouldn’t be doing it for someone else’s kids!

Well if he can’t take leave to have them then he can’t have them. End of story.

Pull him up strong about volunteering your time op, that’s not on!!

The thing is we know nothing about why you are exhausted. Are you working ? Not well. Can she ask Mum? Could you do part day.
Could dh start late , finish early ?

I do agree if you are exhausted there needs to be some self care too.

Is it one day 5 days a week ? Could you do a couple of days?

@Thepilotlightsgoneout

Why we she lose her job if she can’t find childcare? She can’t be sacked for needing to be at home because the schools are closed.

Somehow I doubt that. If the stepdaughter has been in her job less than 2 years she doesn’t have any employment rights.

Where is her own mother in this I wonder.

There are several people who should be ahead of OP in helping out.

Drip drip drip.

Wheres the rest of her family? There's been no answer yet? The father? Her own mother? Grandparents on other side?

Could your step daughter ask to be furloughed due to childcsre issues?? Could you possibly agree to maybe 1 or 2 days not the whole week?

I'm unclear why this is happening. Secondary schools are remainig closed, not primary. Couldn't these children stay at home alone?

Such a hard one, working and looking after my toddler during this pandemic is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But SD is passing that burden onto you OP as you have to work AND look after her kids. Your DP can book leave and see how it is before he offers your services again.

Its a sad situation all round

But the whole situation is ridiculous. Never trust family with childcare. Never burden them with childcare. Totally unreasonable to do and expect. Very manipulative of her. I'm always stunned by how many families are such cheeky fuckers to their own family in this way. Sort out actual childcare ffs! So entitled

@D4rwin primary schools have been announced to be closed here (NI) for a week until 11th Jan.

@D4rwin

I'm unclear why this is happening. Secondary schools are remainig closed, not primary. Couldn't these children stay at home alone?

Do you not watch the news? Nursery & primary in Scotland and primaries in most of London, Kent & Essex are remaining closed.

She did emotional blackmailing?! That's not on!

I was going to say you could help but maybe less kids or less time. A couple of hours would be an amazing help!

@D4rwin

I'm unclear why this is happening. Secondary schools are remainig closed, not primary. Couldn't these children stay at home alone?

In some places primary schools are closed

You shouldn't be expected to look after other people's children when you're working, let alone be volunteered for it! Sounds like she's been relying on you for a lot of childcare. Her father should tell her no.

Is she a key worker? Can her children not attend school or Pre-school?

There should be some sort of compromise. What about the children’s father? And his family?

Sounds horrendous for all

If you are working from home then dont do it! Surely she could be WFH as well?

Why are you so exhausted?

How old are the children?

You don’t have to do it, of course you don’t. But sometimes families have to pull together; we’re in a terrible situation at the moment.

It's an incredibly tough situation for all involved. Can a compromise be made?

Can you, your DH and the mum all take it in turns, one day each? I know employers won't be happy about it, but these are dire times.

This is what happens when you work from home, people assume you aren't really working. You would have thought that this would have changed but obviously not.