AIBU to say looking after children is too much?

[Greenfingeredsue]

I can’t give any more, I’m exhausted. I’ve just told my step-daughter I can’t look after her kids again next week. My husband said we’ll have them, even though he’s at work all day and can’t help.

This is so sad but inevitable given his utter disrespect of OP as an equal partner in the marriage.

My ex DH was the same. He always insisted his job was more important because he was self employed and didn’t get paid if he didn’t work. My job was the higher paid and was as secure as a job can be, therefore most important to keep. Yet, despite him being the flexible one, it was always me who had to take time off to take kids to appointments etc.

I can’t see a way back from this level of entitlement and contempt by one partner in a marriage. It seems to me that when it comes to compromising In a relationship, it’s usually a one sided compromise, usually the woman. Well done for being strong OP and standing up for yourself. I hope it inspires others.

Did he actually think that after all of that that you would go back to looking after the kids? Wow, his contempt is something else.

How are things, Op?

Do you have a house to yourself to work in without interruptions?

For all of thise saying it's sad-yes it often is when a marriage ends.

Sadder still would be if Op stayed, clinging to the vain hope of being treated better.

Yes I can work in peace and it’s wonderful.

I’ll miss seeing the children. I might sound as if I dislike them, but that’s not the case. I just don’t want them here when I am working.

The toddler is so demanding of attention, he just won’t leave me alone. I can’t have him in the room when I’m on a conference call to a client or on a briefing. My boss has sent round an email saying it looks “unprofessional.”

why would the toddler not be on nursery anyways? They are open!

You were expected to look after a toddler!🙄
Unbelievable OP.

why would the toddler not be on nursery anyways? They are open!

To certain key worker families only, they possibly aren’t eligible for this. Not that that in anyway makes it OPs responsibility. Your own children in the background of calls is one thing, SDGC definitely not!

Even if her father had been willing to pay for childcare, it’s impossible to find any at the moment.

A friend has told me lots of the better off parents in the area have been poaching nursery staff and paying them privately to look after their children in their own home.

Do you know what SD has done in the end Sue? Has she been furloughed or taken unpaid leave or has she been managing to find people to do odd days for her?

How are you feeling about your situation with your husband? Was this the final straw in a marriage which had other problems or are you grieving the breakdown of the marriage? Are you thinking that once lockdown is over and this immediate childcare situation is put to bed that you may look for a reconciliation or is this a final decision?

To certain key worker families only, they possibly aren’t eligible for this.

no, nurseries are open without restrictions.

Where did the child go pre covid? good on you though, OP!

@Katrinawaves

Do you know what SD has done in the end Sue? Has she been furloughed or taken unpaid leave or has she been managing to find people to do odd days for her?

How are you feeling about your situation with your husband? Was this the final straw in a marriage which had other problems or are you grieving the breakdown of the marriage? Are you thinking that once lockdown is over and this immediate childcare situation is put to bed that you may look for a reconciliation or is this a final decision?

What's this the Spanish Inquisition?

@Greenfingeredsue

Even if her father had been willing to pay for childcare, it’s impossible to find any at the moment.

A friend has told me lots of the better off parents in the area have been poaching nursery staff and paying them privately to look after their children in their own home.

I cannot blame the nursery staff an owner I know closed down without notice, the staff were then not paid till furlough kicked in, some never got to go back and were sacked. I think I might jump before I was pushed in their shoes.

@MrsClatterbuck not intended to be nosy but knowing where the OPs head is about this does affect how to respond to her!

If the marriage was already on the rocks, then the “good for you” messages are probably more supportive than if this has come out of left field and OP and is mourning the loss of a life companion and needs someone to recognise that this has been painful.

@Katrinawaves

My SD has had to stay home from work without pay and care for her kids herself. She can’t work from home, and her company won’t furlough her. This is what the fuss was all about.

Not my problem though.

Well done OP for protecting yourself in all of this and getting rid of him. So checking, both him and SD.

Well done op.

It's a shame that it had to come to this. But he clearly didn't want to understand your position. Good luck in the future, OP.

Handsoffstrikesagain greenfingeredsue surely she could have taken annual leave or emergency child leave (not sure what it’s called now) to avoid going without pay?

Why is that any concern of @Greenfingeredsue? Not her problem, so why ask her about it?

Not her circus, not her monkeys.

Well done Op , your husband should never have volunteered you and she is a entitled, you are right it is her problem.
Your husband is 100% in the wrong.

Has he moved out yet?

I threw him out on Sunday.

I'm going to assume that he thought this was something he could just sweep under the rug and carry on as normal OP... I'm so glad you stood your ground

OP what has he said? Has he said sorry, has he shown any remorse? Is he going to fight the divorce? Has he agreed to it?