AIBU to say looking after children is too much?

[Greenfingeredsue]

I can’t give any more, I’m exhausted. I’ve just told my step-daughter I can’t look after her kids again next week. My husband said we’ll have them, even though he’s at work all day and can’t help.

If she genuinly has no one else to ask then YABU, to say no. But you husband should have asked you first.

also, how old are the DC?

@june2007

If she genuinly has no one else to ask then YABU, to say no. But you husband should have asked you first.

Don’t be so ridiculous. Childcare is the parents responsibility, nobody else’s.

@22Giraffes

Yes it is hard work but I would do it, she's a single parent in a tough situation and if I could alleviate that then I would.

But she can’t, because she is exhausted. She is not required to set herself on fire to keep someone else warm.

She cried.

I mean my step daughter cried when I called her and said I won’t have the children. Tried emotional blackmail first, then cried.

Oh no re cried. This is shit for both the women involved. Where is the father?

But she can’t, because she is exhausted. She is not required to set herself on fire to keep someone else warm.

I really think it depends - does the OP work or is a Sahm, does she have children herself? How old are the stepchildren? A 9 or 10 year old is a lot less work than a 4 or 5 year old.

We are all exhausted. and this pandemic is really hard for lone parents. I think if the OP is not ill, not working and of the DC are very young, it would be pretty shitty not to help out. I couldn't imagine refusing to help someone in that situation.

What do you work, OP and how old are the children?

Ring her and say you can't do it any more so if she's relying on you it won't happen. Tell dh you aren't doing it. Go out before he goes to work to ram the point home.

Ok @flattyres, but what do you think of the father offering his wife to do the work without consultation?

She has no one else to ask? I would do it, that's what families are for!

Do you know of anyone else who can take them? Can you compromise and have them for a couple of days? Then she won,t have to take so much time off work and it won,t be soo exhausting.

@arethereanyleftatall

Ok *@flattyres*, but what do you think of the father offering his wife to do the work without consultation?

Agree, that is shit too.

But I wondered why the OP won't tell us what she works (or if she works) nor how old the kids are.

The whole pandemic situation is shit. I think it is only decent and human to help each other if we can. But that is me.

But she can’t, because she is exhausted. She is not required to set herself on fire to keep someone else warm.

What a great sentence that is. Sums it up perfectly.

@flattyres

But she can’t, because she is exhausted. She is not required to set herself on fire to keep someone else warm.

I really think it depends - does the OP work or is a Sahm, does she have children herself? How old are the stepchildren? A 9 or 10 year old is a lot less work than a 4 or 5 year old.

We are all exhausted. and this pandemic is really hard for lone parents. I think if the OP is not ill, not working and of the DC are very young, it would be pretty shitty not to help out. I couldn't imagine refusing to help someone in that situation.

It doesn’t though. OP is not required to burn herself out to take care of someone else’s children. Not even when people cry, emotionally blackmail her or volunteer her without her consent. She needs to look after herself first.

Depends...how old? How many? What would you be doing otherwise? In normal circumstances I think you would not be at all unreasonable, but these aren't normal times.

I bet she cried. She's probably well and truly stuffed.

You're exhausted and you can't do it and that's the bottom line.
I do have sympathy for your step daughter but she will need to find another solution .
Where is her children's father in all this ?
A lot of childminders will take children ad hoc in situations like this so she could make some inquiries about professional childcare.
Also she should ask other local parents what arrangements they are making and see if they have any recommendations.

Could it not be a case that she cried out of pure despair rather than emotional blackmail?
Being a single working parent is bloody tough!

She needs to look after herself first.

we know nothing of her circumstances other that saying she is exhausted as she is not responding. Tell me of someone who isn't exhausted.

I suspect the OP just doesn't like the stepdaughter.

I can understand the crying.

That doesn’t mean either of them are wrong.

OP, given that she’s a lone parent and needs to provide for her kids, and the government haven’t given her much time to prepare in advance for the school closure. Will she lose her job if she has no childcare? What age are the kids?

Yes I do work at home. I am sick of having to sit up half the night with it because of the constant distractions.

Does she (step daughter) have to work? If so surely her employer will have to be understanding?