AIBU to say looking after children is too much?

[Greenfingeredsue]

I can’t give any more, I’m exhausted. I’ve just told my step-daughter I can’t look after her kids again next week. My husband said we’ll have them, even though he’s at work all day and can’t help.

Of course you are NBU, this is not your problem to sort. If you wish to help out that’s lovely, but it’s your call, not your responsibility. And defo not up to your DH to volunteer you, he’s being a CF!

the OP isn't required to like the adult stepdaughter, nor is she required to wear herself out at a job that someone else who won't do it, volunteered her for.

It is shit for the step-daughter but has she exhausted herself on OPs behalf at any time?

It is also shit for step-daughter, but then again - it's shit for everyone right now. So what's her solution?

Where is the DF? Also his family/her mum etc?

Is she asking as a one off or for you to cover the child care for the foreseeable.?

You aren't obliged to do anything. You say that you can't do it anymore, have you become the default childminder? How often do you care for them?

As you’re WFH, that takes priority.

Op, this depends on the arrangements between you and your DH financially and domestically.

Have you agreed to look out for his grandkids and your step grandkids every now and then and be a SAHM ? If so you can’t just back out now..

If you’re both working then yeh, that’s not on.

Not your responsibility, it's up to parents to provide their own childcare.
It's a state of emergency, a pandemic.
Your dh has no right to volunteer you, tell him to take the time off himself or stop volunteering you.
Stand up for yourself, not your problem.

And yes she will lost her job if she can’t find childcare, but I will also lose mine if I can’t deliver and stick to deadlines.

As a lone parent does she qualify for key worker care?

If her father wants to help her out he can pay for a childminder to help her. If you couldn’t do it. I think that’s fair.

Why can't you help?

I’m interested to know more about the OP’s circumstances.

Arh yes. The OP has been looking after the children, but unless she runs herself into the ground, sacrifices every last thing, and sells her soul to keep the kids happy, she is an evil shitty stepmum. Can't you be more imaginative?

You could simply say Sorry I have lots of work on this wk. I think that would have gone down a lot better with everyone.

As much as the OP is burnt out, I bet the step daughter is too - single parent, needing to work to keep a roof over the children's heads. What happens if she loses her job because she has no childcare?
Yes, the husband had no right to arrange this and not ask the OP but unless it turns out that OP is also working ft and has small dc then I think you should help if you possibly can.

I think it is different if you work at home. If you didn’t I’d say maybe suck it up but not fair if you don’t get to work either.

Greenfingeredsue

Oh shit if you work full time then this is simply not on. Bloody rediculous. Tell him to lend her money for a childminder

@Greenfingeredsue I can understand how she cried I would too. Also you have your own lives too OP.

Can your stepdaughter try childcare.co.uk they have emergency care on there.

It’s really hard, I am in your step daughter’s situation. I hate how stressed I have become, I am no longer a nice mummy and I find myself screaming and bullying my three year old daughter because we have no outlet or support. Next week I am supposed to return to work and the nurseries are closed, I have managed to find a child minder for two days but I still need another two days of cover. No one is offering to help me, the only people who are in a position to help me are 61, 63, and 65, they have not offered to help and I do not want to ask again as I have asked so much from them over the last year and they are exhausted, tired and burnt out too. No one wants to be trapped entertaining a three year old for hours with no where to go and nothing to do. You don’t have to help, but there is nowhere else for parents to go for help either.

Op doesn’t have to look after the kids.

They have a father who should after them.
They have a grandfather that should look after them.

Just because the men have refused doesn’t mean the OP has to do it.

@Thedarknightsaredrawingin

As a lone parent does she qualify for key worker care?

This may well be a good solution. Our primary took in vulnerable children and key worker children. If mum has to work otherwise not paid I think they would qualify

Tell her no. It's awful, but you'll have to tell her no.

If your husband thinks you should be helping,, he'll have to be the one to do it, regardless of his own job. Your marriage is in trouble if he thinks he can volunteer you in this manner, so it's especially important you keep your own job intact.

Sorry OP, cross posted with you and now see you are WFH. I take it back

I suspect the OP just doesn't like the stepdaughter.

@flattyres I absolutely fail to see how you've come to that conclusion from what's been said. The OP has said she's exhausted. What makes you think she's being anything less than truthful?