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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Suspect I am bu but wanted gentle opinions.

176 replies

Theodoreb · 31/12/2020 07:33

I had to go into hospital for surgery would have died if I hadn't gone in when I did, I don't work have 3 dc with SN and my mum had to look after them while I was in hospital so now I have to pay her £300 for the two days of work.

I have paid it (this was just before Christmas) just wondering how many others would have to pay if they had to go into hospital? My mum takes holidays for my sister as she's on less money as I'm on disability, so my sister doesn't have to pay.

I have paid I haven't said a bad word about it but in my head I'm a little upset.

OP posts:
Missmonkeypenny · 31/12/2020 07:36

Erm, no, I don't have to pay my family to look after my children, especially not if it's an emergency situation like that.

How bizarre.

lljkk · 31/12/2020 07:37

wtaf, are you minted?

That doesn't sound fair at all.
But if there's precedent, how many holidays/year does your mum take from her job to look after your kids?
How skint is your mum?

You say your sis is on less money, how much less income does your sis get?

JM10 · 31/12/2020 07:39

No, my mum wouldn't dream of asking me for money for childcare, particularly in an emergency.

cremuel · 31/12/2020 07:39

I think that’s really weird and a bit sad. Fine to pay for family to do childcare if it’s a regular occurrence so you don’t have to use a nursery, but very odd in an emergency. Maybe ok if your mum had had to miss out on paid work to do it and you had a lot more money than her, but that doesn’t seem to be the case. I think YANBU to be disappointed by this. Hope you feel better.

Gonkytonk · 31/12/2020 07:39

It would depend on how badly that would affect your DM for me.

If she would struggle without the £300 due to losing wages, and be in difficulty, then I’d be happy to pay her. She’d helped you and shouldn’t suffer for it.

However if she neither needed or missed the £300, if that money was neither here nor there to her, it would feel hurtful if she asked for it in these circumstances.

Original poster
Theodoreb · 31/12/2020 07:39

No I'm not minted I am on benefits I'm just very good with money. I'm on disability my sister is on standard universal credit. My mum doesn't look after my dc at all, sometimes she comes on holiday with us but that's her choice.

OP posts:
Original poster
Theodoreb · 31/12/2020 07:41

My mum has enough money she is saving for a mortgage and said if I didn't pay her wages she couldn't save that week so not desperately needed just wanted to add it to her savings.

OP posts:
witchofthenorth · 31/12/2020 07:41

Never have I ever had to pay my family to look after the kids. Including emergencies where they have had to take time off work. I would be very hurt.

afinethingindeed · 31/12/2020 07:43

That is so sad. You are not unreasonable for questioning it at all. Does your mum usually take advantage of you?

I hope you're recovering OK now.

DrWankincense · 31/12/2020 07:43

I think that is quite shocking. Even if she did lose wages from not working what does she do that pays £150 per day after tax etc?
I don't understand some people.
Hope you are recovering now.

FutureDuchessofHastings · 31/12/2020 07:44

That's disgraceful. I don't think I'd be able to look at her for a long time. I wouldn't keep quiet about it either.

HikeForward · 31/12/2020 07:44

I’d be very hurt if family charged me in that situation, unless they were struggling financially.

A private nanny yes, mum no.

RedHelenB · 31/12/2020 07:44

If you were paying her for time missed at work then fair enough. Most parents wouldn't ask though.

BertieBotts · 31/12/2020 07:45

That's appalling, your mum shouldn't charge you!

readingismycardio · 31/12/2020 07:46

A childminder would've been cheaper tbh. I'd never have to pay my own mother.

CodenameVillanelle · 31/12/2020 07:48

Your mum is a cow

FelicityPike · 31/12/2020 07:50

@CodenameVillanelle

Your mum is a cow
This!
shellby28 · 31/12/2020 07:52

Goodness, thats awful. Agree with PP that a childminder would be cheaper.

diamondpony80 · 31/12/2020 07:53

Very strange, can’t imagine paying anyone in my family for a couple of days of having the kids over. Most would enjoy the chance to spend some extra time with them!

Cornishmendoitdrekkly · 31/12/2020 07:54

My Mum would not charge me for childcare. In fact after a hospital stay she offered me money as she was worried I would be short. I don't think you are being unreasonable to be quietly upset.

Original poster
Theodoreb · 31/12/2020 07:55

Being honest my mum is jealous of my disability money, i think she's always going on about how much money I have and how lucky I am to have it. Yet I cannot ever work and get no where near as much as she does as my money is split between 4 where hers is just for herself. Most of my money is PIP for schizoaffective disorder, but it seems to bother my mum that I get a decent amount to live on without working.

But if I say anything it will cause huge arguments it always does so I just bite my tongue.

OP posts:
islockdownoveryet · 31/12/2020 07:57

Your mum charged you for looking after her grandchildren while you were in hospital!! That really is quite shocking.
Family help each other out don't they ?
Financially profiting from your hospital stay is quite disgusting she should be ashamed of herself.
How did the money even come up was it before or after you went to hospital?

Iloveacurry · 31/12/2020 07:57

Your mum isn’t very nice. I assume when she elderly and needs help, your sister can step up?

inquietant · 31/12/2020 07:57

YANBU. You mum doesn't sound supportive, you might be wise to try to find ways to limit the times you need to ask for help if possible.

I hope you are recovering well from the surgery Flowers

lljkk · 31/12/2020 07:58

Not clear OP could have got a childminder at same very short notice?

I'm trying to understand the mum's view; how often do you ask her to look after your kids, OP?

Finding it very hard to say anything but YANBU.

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